My BD said he wants to come back but needs time.

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

Hi I am currently 9 weeks. My BD broke up with me then started dating this girl. When I told him I was pregnant he was furious and he wanted to abort the baby. I told him no and I told alot of harsh words and leave us alone if he is not going to man up. Few days later he told me he wants to support the baby even though we are not together. I told him I do not want to give my child a broken family, if he wants to be with his current gf he may leave but if he choose me and the baby then I need someone who is reliable. I told him to just be straight up with me he said he needs time to fix things with his family. After a few days of planning and arguements I had enough I told him that his reason is pure bullshit I told him I do not want to fix anything and thats theres no point to get back together just for the baby if he diesnt love me. I asked him if he does love me and the baby. He then messaged me he loves the baby and he wants to take away the baby from me and my family. I told him to fuck off I also messaged his mom that they do not have any rights for the child after every pain and humiliation that his son caused me and my family. He was loved and trusted by my parents but he was a cheater and verbally abusive. So when he broke up withnme I told my parents everything and now he blames me why he cant come back to me. I told him its all bs i told him to fuck off and they will never know or meet the baby. I block him on fb and we havent spoken for a week then he message me again with the same song and dance. This time he said to give him time because the problem I caused to his family(in d course of our relationship he told his family every arguements we have) was not easy to fix and the relationship he entered was not easy to get out that he is looking for the best time for him and his gf to talk. I messaged him that I do not want him back and he will never be welcomed again. Was it a good move? I want my baby to have a complete family but it scarese he would take away my baby from me.

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Jodi - posted on 09/09/2016

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I agree with Michelle.

And your post indicates that you are forcing him to make a decision between you and the girlfriend if he wants a relationship with his child. You can't do that.

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2016

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But you have been saying all these negative things about him and his family when you thought he didn't want to be with you.
I suggest you go back and actually read what you have written. Do you really want to be with someone like that? Do you really, honestly think anything will change?
I'll tell you know, things WON'T change and you will be here again saying how much you hate him etc.
In your OP you say he has a girlfriend, WTH do you want to wait for him to decide the right time to break it off with her and come back to you. You don't need him!!! He doesn't care about you, he's been sleeping with someone else.

[deleted account]

HE SAID HE WANTS TO FIX THIGS AND BE A FAMILY! I WAS NOT FORCING HIM TO DO ANYTHING. ALL I SAID WAS I WANT TO KNOW WERE HE STANDS.

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2016

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I would get over the "being a family" thing. Do you really want to be with this man after all the things you have posted about him?
Whether you are together or not, doesn't change the fact that you will both be parents. It is possible to both be very good parents without actually being together.
It really doesn't sound like you are understanding what we are saying.
Ignoring him won't make things magically get better, you have to talk to each other and decide what you are going to do.
If you aren't going to be together then you do need to go to court. Of course he doesn't want you to get court ordered child support because then he would have to actually pay, if it's not court ordered then he can keep telling you lies as to why he can pay this month. Open your eyes and make a wise choice.

[deleted account]

Yea I get what you guys are saying. We are both trying to work things out he needs time to process, being rational while pregnant is really hard to do. Im just ignoring him right now and let things fall on its place. I already spoke to him about child support he doesnt want me to take it to court, he said he knows what the right thing to do is to comeback and give the child the family it needs. But I never forced him tondo anythingnall I wanted was for him to tell me straight up what his plans for the baby because he had been promising things then he wouldn't do it.

[deleted account]

He wasnt like that before he was a really good guy he did so much for me and my family he was always there and he really proved himself that you can count on him. We were planning to move in together after I graduate and get a good job. But then he met someone or some how his feelings change, probably influence by his new co-workers and friends and I had also moved away we have been having a LDR for about a year and he does make time and effort to see me everyweek since then. Before I moved away I was pregnant with our first kid he blames me for the death of the baby thats when he started to cheat and change. I hated my self too and we would have fights so that probably triggered the huge change between us. It's complicated I know. We were engaged but unfortunately things happened and its been hard being in this situation now alone and pregnant.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/08/2016

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Oh, but he DOES HAVE RIGHTS!!!!!

And those rights are the same as yours. Grow up. It is not just about YOU at this point, it is about your child, and your CHILD'S rights.

If he was that much of an ass, why did you have unprotected sex in the first place?

Do the right thing. Get paternity established, file in court for custody, support, and visitation, and figure out how to do parent for the next 18 years.

You don't like that answer, I know. It is blunt. It is the truth, and the proper way to handle this.

Sarah - posted on 09/08/2016

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If you knew all this about him then why on earth did you make a baby with him? The bottom line is, you may hate him. He may be awful to you. That does not eliminate his rights as a father. He is equally entitled to support and parent this child as you are; you don't like it? Get a good lawyer.

Ev - posted on 09/08/2016

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That still does not mean he won't file for his rights to be able to see his child regardless of how you feel about him. I would be checking the family law in your state to see what kinds if issues you are going to face with this and also see if granparents can exercise the right of visitation as well.

[deleted account]

My family and I can support the baby. And he hasn't shown himself at all I doubt he will be there for delivery.

Ev - posted on 09/08/2016

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Well, you can think what you want of him but that does not need to come into play with the welfare of the child. You would have to prove he was unfit with evidence that a judge would be willing to allow in court: drug/alcohol abuse with definite docmentation of arrests, court, and if he was prosecuted and served time in jail, criminal activity like domestic violence records, having an unfit home to live in, and so forth. Unless you have documented evidence to show a judge why he should get at best supervised visits then you have no choice but to go with the judge's decision. Its not about you anymore.

[deleted account]

Well then he should have told me that straight ahead. I was never forcing him. What he is doing right now is he is stressing me out and it is not good for me or the child. He tells me he wants to give the child a complete family. Furthermore I told him not to drag me amd the baby with his current relationship I don't need that drama or somekind of shit. Making promises he would call, he come and talk then not doing it. And to tell me he wants to take my child away from me, because he dosnt want me and my family to raise. Who the hell does he think he is. I cannot let my child grow in that kind of environment his mom married 3 different men and those men lives across the building, his sister is a lesbian with 4 gf's now she is being sued by immigration because she went to marry for money. His brother is gay and a drug addict, I think he was caught to have HIV my xbf told me so. He also takes guys at home. I am a mom now before this doesn't bother me but I will not let my child to grow up in that kind of family. I forgot to mention he also has another child in the philippines he rarely visit nor talk to the kid he sends money for school and always saying bad things about the mom. He is a shit as a father to his first child. With what he is showing me, why the heck would I let my child experience the same courtesy

Ev - posted on 09/08/2016

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There are so many of this post all over the place. I replied to it earlier in the day. I say the same and stand by what I said before. I do not think she liked what I had to say.

Michelle - posted on 09/08/2016

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I agree with Jodi, you aren't actually doing the best thing for your child.
Just because you can't be with him doesn't change the fact that he is the Father of this child. You don't have a right to deny that relationship either.
You will need to get yourself a lawyer and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out when the baby is born.

Jodi - posted on 09/08/2016

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This is not what you want to hear, but he has rights, and those rights are exactly the same as yours. You can't control who he is with and what relationships he is in by using your baby as a pawn. If he doesn't want to be with you, then that's okay. That doesn't mean he can't be a father to his child. The law allows for him to have the right to be a part of his child's life, with or without you.

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