my bf and father of my child left us, i need help to figure out what to do

Gillian - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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its been a bit rocky for awile but he and i still spent time together said we loved each other and spent time with the baby, recently i feared there was another person he as spending time with instead of us, my ex has just recently lost his father and we were going through filing papers for custody (originally it was only bc we were moving out of state together) now he says he lost his father and is loosing his son, well last night he told me he is unhappy and no good will come out of this we wont ever be together. ive been through so much including driving a wedge between my family and friends to be there for this guy and all he thinks about is himself, not the fact that ive givin up everything, not the fact ive been by his side even when he ran away from us and was (and still is) a drug addict. i feel totally helpless and abandond im so broken up by this and he tried to tell me he wouldnt cut me out of his life, like this is some regular break up, its not. he has a court date soon and will be likely erving some time, he said what hurt the most was not seeing me and his baby, not all of a sudden everything is back to being bad and its all my fault (via his viewpoint) i just dont know what to do, letting him go and have space is SO hard for me im so confused and after 3 years he does this in a text. no closure no nothing. im absolutly demolissed and heart broken. i want so badly for my family (me him and our baby) to be together like he has wanted since day one. he said we would still do things together with the baby and all i could think was no way! i cant see you i cant be civil, you have never taken responsibility for your child never kept a job, stole money from us, and you think you have rights to our son> no you do not. so i had decided to one last time extend the offer and try to be civil untill my custody papers go through and ive gotten no response as of now. we love this man we need him in our lives regardless of the stuff thats happened, he lost his father, cut us out, how can he possibly think this is going to help him.



we discussed a few things and i thought it was looking up, i appologised for the things i had done and he said he could forgive me, he then said he just doesnt see any good coming out of this and we cant be together, a week ago we slept together, and spent the night together, im just so confused by everything, will he realize his actions were really stupid and come back to us?



i ended up texting him back after he said goodnight and i really unvieled my feelings on this matter, he finally replied with "leave me alone from no on" like he can dish it out but cant listen to me? on top of everything i had a pregnancy scare and it made things even harder on me, i think giving space is needed but im afrid he will never come back

what do i do???

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Sienna - posted on 05/22/2012

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I'm going to try to say this as nicely as possible!

I know that you're heartbroken and feel abandoned and life seems difficult right now, but do you really want:
A) your child to have a father that steals, does drugs, goes to jail and consistently abandoned you both?
B) to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

This guy is clearly bad news and this seems very far from a healthy relationship!
If I was you I would cut your losses and be grateful he left!!!

You will meet someone new who treats you well and is a great step father! Focus on your child, not a "man" who breaks up with you through text!!!! Jesus, is he 14?! Haha.

Anyway, you get my point! :-)

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Sienna - posted on 05/23/2012

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Well, those are all just more reasons to cut him out of your life for good. If he comes back explain to him that he will never be with you again and that's just not an option for him, but if he wants to see his son, he needs to clean up his act, stop doing drugs, get a job and his own place and become a god role model!

Gillian - posted on 05/23/2012

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i have a feeling once he sees im a great person and he made a mistake he will be full of regret then i can rest easily at night. not to mention our son is the most precious thing in this world and to wlk away from him isnt going to take him long to realize his mistakes. the thing that pisses me off though is that he has never been a true father, never kept a job, just came and went as he pleased, he was and is very good with our son but that doesnt make you a father you have to provide too and make a stable home! he thinks he has rights bu my son is a privillege and you wont be seeing him now after this long just to hurt us both again.

Gillian - posted on 05/22/2012

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im glad im not the only one who thinks thats ridiculous! i even tried to talk in person or over the phone and he hit the fu button. like really after 3 years i get the honor of a text? hmmmmmmmmmmmm pissoffdude.
thank you for your response, im feeling much better now then i was this am all day ive been sad i was broken up with but really though i know damn well what i gotta do and i know i never did anything wrong to deserve to be treated this way.

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