my bf EX is a crazy.. any advise please!

Laura - posted on 02/21/2014 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Basically my bf was with this woman they had a child and he left her because she is insane. Since she found out 2 and a half years ago she has caused nothing but trouble ever since. She is a bad mum and a drunk. I have seen her headbutt her child when drunk and found bottles of alcohol in the child's changing bag. She introduces her child to all different men and tells her child that they are her father. We have tried social services but our word against hers. She has personality disorder. She blames me for her child not having a dad and blames me for them not been together. She is trying to split us up still we've both had enough now and I've had to say that he isn't to go and see his child no more. He hasn't seen her for a year and we've had our own babyand that seems to have made her worse. She's still trying her hardest to ruin my family. Can anyone help me?

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Jodi - posted on 02/21/2014

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Yes, she sounds nuts. However, if child protection can't do anything, that means they have not found her to be what you claim she is. I'm not saying you're lying, just that clearly they don't see that the child is in danger.

You don't have the right to tell your boyfriend he can't go and see his child anymore. Sorry, but that is NOT the way to go. That child has a right to see her father, and you are stopping that.

The solution here is for your boyfriend to go to a lawyer and file for custody, not to stop him seeing the child. if you really feel the child is in danger, and you have evidence of that, then that's where it can be presented. he may be able to get joint custody. But by choosing not to see his child, he is jeopardising his chances of ever having a relationship with her.

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Shatika - posted on 02/25/2014

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Leave shatika miles out of it ....I'm done and DON'T care...flag that.... shawnn lively....

Lea - posted on 02/25/2014

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My husband has an ex wife that we can say is "difficult" and admittedly hates me, and after years of dealing with her "drama" I can honestly say that I hate her as well. However there is an innocent child involved who is now ten years old. My husband absolutely loves his child, and for nine years we have been in and out of court repeatedly, back and forth, nonstop. His ex wife does have personality issues, is very controlling, talks negatively about the child's father to the child and in front of the child and about me as well. The mother has tried everything she can to stop my husband from seeing his child or having anything to with his child, and while his interactions with his child are limited, few visits and overnights here and there and phone calls, he still remains a part of his child's life, pays child support, and works very hard to be civil with his ex. It is not always easy "trust me", especially with his ex (she is truly a piece of work). Here is the difference, as drained as I am, as fed up as I am with all the drama and his ex's bull crap, and as annoyed as I am, I love my husband and I love his child and I do everything in my power to help him and encourage him, not let him give up. As much as we want to give up, there is an innocent child involved and as parents and as the adults we have responsibilities. The child did not ask, nor chose to be born into this world. They did not ask, nor chose to be placed with the parents they have, and they do not chose nor ask to be put in the situations they are dealt. I love my husband and I know that what ever drama is thrown our way, we are strong enough to over come it and that our love is strong enough to not falter or be broken up by an ex and their drama. Because I love my husband I and I love his child, I am willing to do what I have to in order to help him be apart of his child's life no matter how large or small of a part his ex allows him to play. As much as his ex and I hate one another, I remain civil, I never bad mouth the child's mother to her or in front of her. I support and stick to her mothers rules and run everything by the mother. I have even tried spending some weekends with the mother (years ago when this all started tho, now we keep a respectful distance). I encourage my husband to call his daughter on a regular basis and to have open and respectful communication with his child, and to visit when ever the mother allows it. The mother does not want me alone with her child (even though I have helped to raise this child for nine out of ten years of her life), then I respect that. It is hard because my husbands work schedule is crazy odd and it would allow for my husband to have longer visits if the mother would be okay with the child being alone with me and the other children at night or in the mornings or during school vacations, but we take what we can get. it is better to see the child once or twice a week or every other week, then to not see the child at all. The mother has moved as well to make it more difficult for my husband to see his child. Finances are tight, the mother says no to extra visits outside of the court order, the mother has tried to have his rights and visits revoked several times through out the years, had tried to say he would kid nap his child, has called child services on us, but he fights to see his child and to remain a part of her life and I help, fully supporting him no matter how tired I get and give him strength to continue forward and to continue fighting when he is tired and fed up, to not quit. Neither of you can quit on a child just because the mother is difficult. Ignore her and laugh her crap off, continue to try and get child services to catch her hurting the child or neglecting the child. He can fight for rights, fight for a court order to have the mother professionally evaluated, etc...IF you really loved him, then you would fight to have him be apart of his child's life, because if he is not, or doesn't at least try, then he will regret it in the future and you will too for not being there for him and pushing him take part in his role as a father.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/24/2014

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Shatika, There was no personal attack in any of these responses. Therefore, your report has been received, the flag removed.

That being said, I agree with Michelle & Jodi. Laura, the woman blames you for her child not having a father, and she's darned right to do so, if you do not allow your boyfriend to interact with and support the child THAT HE CREATED. You say you want to look out for 'your own'...but he also has to look out for his own, which that child is.

Pull your selfish head out of your behind. That will help you. You don't have any business being in her business. You don't have any right to keep the child's father from seeing/supporting her. Just because you & he now have another child makes absolutely not one whit of difference. His responsibility is to ANY and ALL children that he's got a hand in creating.

You didn't want drama? Shouldn't have hooked up with a guy that already had kids.

Shatika - posted on 02/24/2014

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Michelle waldbillig. First of all I don't need your permission to report any thing..your more then welcome. It's not giving up on your child...if the adult that has care of the child has issues .interfere with dad relationship...sadly the child pays price for mom... now for you and jodi..please go debate with with someone else....I have other things to do... there for I will not be responding ...to both of y'all.. mom circle is for advice .not debates being rude a non civil... I'm done with ,topic .

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2014

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You're more than welcome to hit the report button Shatika but it's a public forum and most people can't understand how people can just give up on their children.

Shatika - posted on 02/24/2014

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Jealousy is not healthy when it comes to ex lover... with child or with out.... what happens is no one in they right mind is going mess up they relationship if they are happy for ex.....lover..now in the situation with child...if the mother is nuts and doing JEALOUS things which jealous single women do who ?going to deal with that? So my impending that if you wanna be treated like a lady act like one ...and respect your ex relationship....so your child can have a father... cant go around disrespecting your ex . Women like you have babymother rights... would cause child to not have a father. Then she can explain she was the nut that's why daddy wasn't there..

Shatika - posted on 02/24/2014

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I think people that gets angry over other people situation is nuts they damn self..its call advice not a debate..... if you can't be civil then you shouldn't post nothing at all... not going to keep up with people and they impending..have so much to say and being Rude At the same time...you two nuts go sit down stop team teaming up on peoples...you know who you are ...need to be reported...thanks for your thoughts...jackass.... now respond to my post ...you nuts...lol .learn how to choose your words...

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2014

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I agree with Jodi, what parent in their right mind "couldn't be bothered" with their own child!!!! My children are my life and I would fight tooth and nail for them. Even my ex (yes, the idiot) did, that's why we do shared care.
I feel so sorry for his daughter, I hope he's paying plenty in child support as she's going to need a lot of counselling in the years to come.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2014

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He should be fucking bothered!! I'm sorry, but this is his DAUGHTER, and he isn't bothered that he sees her or not? That is not a father, that is a cop out. Sorry, I have zero respect for him if he won't make every effort to see the child WHO IS PART OF YOUR FAMILY (despite the fact you seem to think she isn't) and should be a priority too. Your boyfriend is an asshole - not much better than the crazy ex. And in the middle is caught this beautiful innocent child that no-one, including you, seems to give a crap about. Yes, your posts made me angry on behalf of that innocent child.

As to the trapping him, unless she raped him, he had choices. He fucked her without protection, his problem too. Sorry if that is crude, but that's how it is. It isn't just her fault she ended up pregnant, and she had the right not to have an abortion,.

This is not a man I would choose to have children with. Good luck with your happy little life. I hope that little girl grows up and tells all of you exactly what she thinks - that is if you haven't all screwed her up entirely in the meantime because you all can't see past your own selfish desires. None of you deserve to be parents.

Laura - posted on 02/22/2014

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He doesn't want to go through court I've asked him this. He just will not do it. I don't think hes really that bothered anymore. If he was he would go do it. I know what your saying but its for best that he keeps away for a while. We are strong but I have too much to cope with ATM without her adding to it. If I wasn't with him she be same with them too. Its not fare that she won't let him have a happy life. He could have a new gf every year she would try split them up too and that's his life she's messing with. So why should she get away with it? He never wanted her in first place she wouldn't get an abortion. She's trying to trap him. I haven't forced him to stop seeing her it was mutual only thing we both thought of. Maybe when she's 18 they could have a relationship. But that's the world for you

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2014

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Not it's not her fault that your boyfriends daughter doesn't have a Dad, it's yours. If you have a strong relationship then she wouldn't be able to break you up. Like Jodi said, you don't have a say in if he sees his daughter or not.
Your boyfriend needs to see a lawyer and get even joint custody and you need to stay out of it. His daughter has a right to know her Father and you can't deny the relationship.
If you can't handle that he comes with a past then maybe you need to decide if you can continue in the relationship. He will have the Mother in his life until his daughter is at least 18 so you need to deal with it.
There is no way I'd stay with someone who told me I couldn't see my children because my ex is an idiot (and he is), I would fight for my children and your boyfriend can do the same, not give up and just do what you say.

Laura - posted on 02/22/2014

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I haven't got evidence no but I witnessed it for my own self. She is well known for been loopy. When she gets visits from social services she puts on an act. For example her house will be a mess so 2 hours before her mum will come up and help her etc. She's been playing them so they don't take her daughter. She's had her daughter took off her before because she was drunk while looking after her. I know I have no right but my family now comes first. I have 2 kids to think about and me and bf love each other and I'm not letting her ruin that just because she has a grudge against me. The way I see it is if she was any normal person we could all get on and see his daughter but she will never do that so its her fault that her daughter hasn't got a dad. She keeps saying as well one week he can see her next week he can't. Its too much rubbish for me to handle. We've decidedthat were going to move so she ddoesn't know where we are. He doesn'twant to do solicitors so hyes just left it at that.

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