My bf's 15 yr d son is tearing me away

Hl - posted on 11/25/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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15 yr old boyfriends son makes me want to leave. This boy is an only child extremely intelligent and thinks he's an adult not a child because his parents allow it and think because he is intelligent that his rude and obnoxious behavior is okay because he knows everything and is always right. Well I'm feed up with it. His dad thinks his son does nothing wrong when I try to talk to him about it. He has no respect for anyone because he hasn't been raised that way. He is a picky eater and is rude about it. When I try to set boundaries his father doesn't say anything and undoes what I say by not saying anything but by his actions goes against what I say and does the opposite of what I say. It wasn't this way in the beginning and my bf agreed with me and has had talks with his son both with me there and alone. But over three years later it's all changed. I have two children 14 and 19 and they have even seen it and see how different my bf is when his son is around. They say it's probably because my bf only sees his son every other weekend. That's no excuse. I blame my bf and his son for this and I'm torn. I could go on an in about the situation but it would be a book. I'm torn but I also can't take it anymore.

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Charlene - posted on 11/25/2013

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He's not your Son, so don't be torn up about him being the way he is. It isn't your fault. I understand the issue here, it makes it hard because it's somewhat out of your hands to discipline someone else's child, but at the same time, you have a right to stand up for yourself if he's pushing you on purpose.

My advice is to talk to your boyfriend about it and maybe choose to not be around when he has his Son. You can't take a Father away from his child, because that is extremely wrong, but you can take yourself away from the problem to keep yourself from being so stressed.

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LalaBoom - posted on 11/25/2013

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Glad I could help sweety.... I know its difficult to be in our position, but don't let these minor details disrupt an otherwise good relationship

Cheers!

Hl - posted on 11/25/2013

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Lala Ty I give you hugs for that. That made me just see it differently. I'm at work and you just made me smile. Xoxo

LalaBoom - posted on 11/25/2013

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I'm a stepmom so I know eaxctly what you're referring to. Here's your answer:

"...my bf only sees his son every other weekend"

That's it. Unlike you, he doesn't get the benefit of spending tons of time with his only son. His dad is only concerned with cherishing the few days he does get with him. He will not care for discipline or anything of the sort, and he is not available to address your criticism of his son.

This is bigger than you- really it is. Unfortunately you and your boyfriend don't have many options. Either,

1. Y'all enter counseling, OR
2. You need to back off when his son is around

Two days every other weekend shouldn't determine your entire relationship, and I encourage you to really explore if two days every other weekend causes that much discord. Put yourself in his shoes, and let that be your guiding factor when his son comes around next time. Also, when you say things like, "his son is a picky eater and is rude about it," remember this, that kid LIVES majority of time with someone who does not have YOUR values, ideas, etc.

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