Amanda - posted on 02/02/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
I have a Blended Family with 3 children. My husband and I have been together for about 3 years; are Very much in love and love our Children Equally. We each have a Child from previous Relationships but Never say Step-child as we look at them no different from our own little creation. I came into the relationship with a 4 year old Boy who is now 6. My husband came into the relationship with a 20 month old who is now almost 4. We also have a 14 Month old Daughter. So let me get down to it. ANY tips, advice, opinions are welcome, as its not getting Any easier. My two boys (the ORIGINAL "Step-Brothers") Haven't REALLY gotten along since we have been together. At first we thought they would get used to it, but they just clash SO much. My 6 year old Boogie is at the age now, especially, where he likes his things nice and does try. He has a mouth on him, and talks like he's 15 (equipped with plenty of Teenage facial expressions) My 3 year old Brownie is at well..Terrible 3s. Awfully Terrible. He is extra whiney, Extra Hyper, Extra smart mouthed (most like the influence of his older brother). And both Boys are just RUDE! They don't listen For anything. When I tell Boogie (6) or ASK him to do something. He Argues. When I tell or ASK Brownie to do something. He immediately drops on the floor and just CRIES AND WHINES the MOST annoying Cry or whine you can ever imagine. Everyday with these Boys. Not ONE day there is that these things don't happen! I understand and Take total blame for some of the frustration they have since things were a bit rushed when my husband and I got married. But we are an AWESOME team together! even when it comes to the kids! We may not get the out come we would like, but we totally agree on 99% of things when it comes to our children. We are trying so incredibly hard to have that Big Happy Family everyone dreams of. Well...we try...and try..and try... I mean A LOT! Including: Schedules, Daily Routines, Talking, Pleading, Positive Reinforcement, Making sure we ARE paying attention that's just some--we also for disciplinary action we take things away, we do every now and then, depending on the severity Spank our kids, we try Time outs in Corners, The naughty Chair, Explaining why they are in trouble ECT.. Nothing is working. Nothing! we try to be consistent, we try to stay strong as a team. On the other hand, Their lives are soo much different at the EX's homes. First off Boogie Dad (my ex) is truly a great person, but, doesn't have the filter between his brain and mouth. He allows Boogie to watch rated R movies. such as TED and JACKASS. He is a good dad and love him but this is unacceptable! Every time I confront him it is an argument and then never changes. My Ex also got married around the time I did and that was a disaster! Boogie has been through so much. My Ex married a woman and they are now divorced after a year and a half. She is and was clearly insane. I would get so worried for my son I stopped letting his dad have him until he divorced her. there was domestic abuse (my Ex was not the abuser) she treated my son like crap, and would play mind games with him, and would always talk negatively about me. He would come home emotional all the time and take his frustrations out on us. Now that the woman is no longer around him things are better in that sense except that now Brownie's Mom (though she was always a joke) is an even bigger joke! I have been supporting Brownie since THE day I met him. We have gone back and forth with his mother since my husband and I have gotten together. She lacks respect for anyone, is unappreciative, is on a bunch of scripts (supposedly) and just doesn't care about him. Well, I'm sure she cares but she is almost 21 has had 1 job her whole life and that lasted less than 20 days. She HAD primary placement and would jump from one house to the next, never pick him up or drop him off (we live 45 min away from eachother) she would send a text at 3 am TELLING us to come get him and WHEN to have him dropped off by. She just plays a bunch of games! She has had THE worst people around him, thrown parties with him there never takes responsibility for her OWN actions, lets him sleep Alll day she has him and keeps him up Alll night. For awhile she had no Refridgerator, but she DID get a huge flat screen, No schedule, NO routine, not even try, she would have a new "man" every week for a while there until she got pregnant but they of course didn't last! My husband and I potty trained him, and while we were trying to Brownie would go to his moms and come back in diapers and would say at almost 3 "my mom says I can potty in my diaper" she would never try. and now here is the Topper of this woman My husband has recently gotten primary placement of Brownie because she had her baby. Had 12 DIFFERENT people babysitter her baby from the time she was born til 2 weeks old. I got a phone call at 9pm one night, her baby was in the hospital, Social Services stepped in and now she is in trouble. I won't get into details, but she has to have supervised visits. She seemed like she wanted to see Brownie in the beginning but now she is back to her old ways. like WEEKS without seeing him because her "supervisor" is at work, She cant get him. I have tried and tried with this woman and I am about spent! Now I'm just venting but now that you all have the Whole clear story and Background. I need to save my family! My husband and I have a schedule with the kids, and routine, but I feel like the stresses and what they are taught at the EX's homes are just tearing us apart. My boys have been through so much in their lives already and they are only 6 and 3. It makes me feel like a failure because I am thier mom. I hate feeling like this and I hate to see my kids so stressed and not getting along. I want my Happy Family but I am at a total loss on how to handle it all. I have tried talking to the EXes about this but it's always a defense. I don't know how I can make my Babies feel safe and guided and to trust my husband and I. I need something new to try, Something that will help them, and my husband and I! soo... Help!!!