Tahlia - posted on 09/13/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
My boyfriend has children to his ex. We have only been together about 6 months. He goes and visits the children, and spends hours at her house, he doesn't answer calls or contact me at all until he leaves. He has even stayed over there "fell asleep". She still wants him back, she use to try seduce him, he only told me a while ago, she use to do a lot of things to try get him back. He hid me from her for a while, until I demanded he tell the truth, I didn't' want to be a part of his lie, and she deserves to know the truth. She didn't take it well, she was upset, and I had just had an abortion when he told her, he told her that too. He made me feel so bad, and he told me about how upset she was. I do feel bad. So, he continued to visit at her house, I asked that he try organise regular time visits with kids, where he picks kids up. She won't let them come to his house apparantely. So he didn't organise anything i felt so uncomfortable with him going up there, and i use to get so upset and he even showered there, and he use to go up there as late as 11, and he use to always last have to go last minute because his 2 year old daughter was sick and he use to put her to bed, and when he was late he use to say she wouldnt go to sleep... oh he also slipped and accidentally said about his daughter sleeping in mums bed still, which means that he use to be in her bed ?? he said she use to sleep in her daughters bed, how hard is taht to believe if she use to try seduce him.. so he use to tell me how guilty he felt, which i can understand, but i just was in such a hard position i felt like i was stopping him from having a happy family, and he didn't ever try lighten the burdan either, I wanted to elave him. So she manipulates him and plays games, and she even rocked up to his house one night, with her friend, and i opened the door, and they came in and they choked me, held me down. yelled at me, i ran they chased me down and they pined me down and bashed me, and she stopped when i eventually looked her in the eyes and begged, adn she stopped sand told her friend to stop and they asked me lots of questions, I cooperated, I had nothing to hide, i felt bad for her, and she told me that they were still sleeping together and that he had told her that he was only with me because i was this psycho and he was making sure that i wasn't still pregnant and that he was going to stab it, and he told me that she was lying and she apoligised on fb to me, So anyway, she bashed me and smashed up the house, she was nice after she heard what i had to say, I was stuck i didn't know who to believe.. oh to top it off, my boyfriends brother and best mate/ house mate set me up, they told his ex that i was there, and at the time my boyfriend was actually at her house waiting for her to get home, he didn't tell me he was going up there. So his brother wasn't made to apoligise, nor was his mate, and we were all mates, so that was a suprise. I felt so stupid and confused. He said she was going to pay and he hasn't made her pay a cent. since then he has barely been up there, that i know iof, and he makes me feel so bad for it. I told him not to ever put me before the kids or i will lose all respect. he says that he is trying to make her happy for the kids. but isn't there a line, appropriate support? She doesn't have to consider me, and I work with him and consider her and she still messages him, seductive messages, he never messages or speaks to her infront of me.. They aren't talking at the moment he says, because we had a fight a few weeks ago and he went up there, and he told her and she assumed it was over, and has thought that and he let her think that, and she messsaged him a very innapropriate message. we had a massive fight, my boyfriend wouldn't explain it because i just lost it and he left and i called her, and she was shocked to hear the answers to her questions... she said he said that they were moving on with their lifes together, and now he blames me and says she is suicidal and that i deliberately called her to hurt her, that is n't the truth. She spoke to me in a manner which was completely different to how he descibes how she speaks about me. I cant ask him about anything, he gets so defensive, i just want some advice. He is kind and takes care of me, between all his obligations, but there is just so much i don't know and i want to understand, i just want his help to understand.. they are both 8 years older than me. Can some one give me anything, i feel so bad and so frustrated.