my boyfriend got someone pregnant

Barbie - posted on 11/28/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Im in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend came home stayed for 2 months and luckily i got pregnant. When he went back to sydney i found out 2 weeks after he got someone pregnant. I'm 3 months pregnant now and i believe the girl is 6 months pregnant. I feel so depressed. Im trying my best to stay strong for my baby's sake but the thoughr is really killing me. My boyfriend said he willmarry me and not her because he said the girl knows that he already have a fiance and the girl agreed to that kind of relationship. I so feel the girl is a slut for continuing the relationship with my boyfriend evwn if she knew i exist. How can i trust my boyfriend that he is not seeing this girl? How cancan i let go and just focus on my baby if every night that thought of betrayal is killing me. Im going thru so mucj pain right now but im trying so hard tobe fine for my baby

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Rebekah - posted on 11/28/2013

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There is no way to make this an easier situation for you, but you can try to make careful decisions so that it doesn't become worse. Frankly, I don't know how you can rebuild trust with this guy after something like this. People do overcome infidelity sometimes, but I think it takes a lot of work and dedication on both people's parts to make that happen. More often, though, I tend to think that distrust lingers and eats away at the relationship. You have to be able to trust your spouse fully. Otherwise, a marriage is not going to solve the problem here. Getting married will not guarantee that this will not happen again. My suggestion would be to not rush into marriage thinking it will give you the security you are looking for. If you are going to remain in a relationship with him, take your time in rebuilding that relationship. Time and behavior will show you if you can trust him..Not a ring or a piece of paper. Long distance relationships are very difficult (i was in one... we did great for 3 years when we were in the same neighborhood.... one year apart demolished it, in spite of our efforts). Again, if you are choosing to try to make it work with him, get in the same neighborhood. Not being together on a frequent basis creates disillusionment, I think, about who someone really is, or even what it means to be in a committed relationship, not having a chance to deal with both the significant and the mundane things that happen from day-to-day. Getting couples' counseling would be warranted if you are going to make a go of this.

He is having a baby with her too, so he WILL be seeing her in some capacity (if he is going to take responsibility for the child). You won't know if it will continue as a romantic relationship, but he is now forever connected to her too because of their child. This is a reality that you have to decide if you can handle. Honestly, I don't think I could trust him after this, but that's me.

If you are choosing to end your romantic relationship with him, now is the time to nurture those other relationships in your life that are good for you... family, best friends, etc. Take time to vent the anger that you feel and find ways to release it. Go to a counselor if you need to. Channel your energies into preparing yourself for motherhood and build up your self-confidence. Seek out options for single parents (whether its financial resources or play groups or just networking with other single moms) so that you have another specialized source of support. Your life is going to change when baby gets here, so take the time now to put yourself in the best possible position for that. This guy is still going to be involved with you (I hope) as the father of the baby, so find ways to communicate with him so that you can co-parent as you need to. It will probably take time for the resentment to diminish, but it will get better if you address it head on. Good luck to you.

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