My boyfriend is ruining his relationship with me, and my children

Ria - posted on 11/13/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have 2 children a 16yo girl and an 8yo boy. We have been together for 3 and a bit years and living together for 1. The major issue is how he behaves towards my kids. He is constantly on my son's case, he doesn't communicate with him like he is a child and constantly berates him for every little thing. He tries to ground him for weeks at a time and I have to step in and say No, days not weeks. He doesn't respect my style of parenting, and my son now no longer listens to him because he is mostly negative and always raises his voice and snaps. With my daughter he says nothing. I am left to do all the discipline, but she sees how her brother is treated and resents him for it. My kids have been abandoned by their bio dad, they have been through a lot so as a result are very close and my daughter is extremely protective of her brother. Despite everything they are not in any way bad kids. They are both excelling at school and are polite, funny and loving. I am on the brink of finishing this relationship because of his inability to respect how I want my children to be raised (and his response to my trying to have a conversation about this is always-well they're your kids do what you want). I'm going mad here, I seriously don't know which step to take. He is upstairs in the spare room now because I had to say YET AGAIN we punish for days not weeks, away from the kids so I wasn't undermining him. Because my son didn't brush his teeth straight away and was playing in his room he wanted to ground him for 2 weeks. He has no kids of his own, but he hates how negatively his sister parents her children and doesn't realise he is doing EXACTLY the same thing with my son. I am in a horrible position because I am my children's advocate, I have to speak up for them and it is driving a wedge between us. My children are and will always be no.1 priority, I will always protect their interests before his or mine and I don't think he understands that. What the flip should I do now? Should he stay or should he go?!

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Rachel Louise - posted 4 days ago

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Grounding only leads to resentment, wouldn't it be better if he spanked them?

Sarah - posted on 11/13/2017

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I agree completely; he has no say is discipline except to reinforce the rules that YOU set. Why do you think he is so resentful of your son?

Michelle - posted on 11/13/2017

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If he can't leave the parenting up to you then he needs to leave. You are the parent and it's your job to discipline your children. He is only there to back you up.
Did you discuss any of this before you moved in together?

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