my boyfriend left me when i told him im pregnant

Jaydene - posted on 09/16/2015 ( 11 moms have responded )

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hi Ieft him for 9mos. and in that period i learned that he has another girlfriend. so i acted before it gets worst. he promised that he wont contact that girl anymore. so i decided to get back in my home country this March. when i arrived hes there hugged me kissed me and he always visited me at my place. until such time that we didnt expect a baby will be born. i didnt notice at first that im delayed. until its 2mos. so i told hom that im delayed. after he sebt me to work, he kissed me gudbyes. aftr that day, i didnt saq him nor cant contact him. o decided to go to his hpuse and talked to him he told me that he os confused abt his feelings for me abd the girl he met when im gone. he wanted to have 2mos spacw without any contact s . o told him that if he wants that then he can np longer see me nor the baby. so he decided not tp that. he came to my place and styed there for good until he finds a job .so were sweet together we make every moments amazing but i always brag at him because hes not doing aby steps to find a job.aftr that day he left again. and txted me that he wabts to be happy.that i should let him go. i really cried that day. so my bro and i decided to go to their place to talk to him and his mom. aftr all the dramas we ended up being together again
he promised to be a good father and husband .but the days passed by he still doesnt have a job . he always plays and watched anime all day long. i also fpund out that he and the gurl is still in contact with each other. i got mad at him. so he stopped txting and communicating with the girl. aftr that day, we were good. he even accompany me ib tha clinic for ultraspund. hes really excited. he always kisses me and my tummy. he always talks to my baby. even f he dont have a job . i still believes he will find one. until aftr2weeks he talked to me, he told me that he no longer loves me he just cant tell me bcause he dont wNt to hurt me. he also said that he felt it the day i went to abroad. wat!!! so it means that until the day i arrived here all thevthings he did and say are all lies!!! hiw about tha baby thing . hes tha one who always told me that he wNts to have a baby. i really cant understand. he cheated and lied to me. he alsontold me that he loves the other gurl so much. so nxt day, he left me and mynbaby without anything he said about hes plans for the child. soni got really sad. it really hurts. i cant eat. so i texted and contact him to asl about his plans fo the baby. guess what he keeps on replying to me. thatbo should leave him and the girl alone. and what he wanta is that after MANY years thats when wedecide if we still can be frends . that he only did those things to me aftr i arrived to make me feel better.i know hes not worth enpugh to be part of me and my babys life. and i know that i should work hard by myself and for my baby. im going through my 4th month but still i cant get him off my life. i still rememver him going back. :( it really sucks when i remember what he told me.

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Jodi - posted on 09/17/2015

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It's only been a short time. Remember you are still pregnant. The baby is real to you because it is growing inside you. But to him, there is nothing real about it yet. He doesn't have an emotional connection to it. This is pretty normal. You need to give it some time. I would suggest just to keep him updated occasionally with how the baby is doing by text message. Keep the phone conversations to a minimum. Let him know you are happy for him to be involved with the baby's progress. And when it is born, make sure you let him know and invite him to see the baby.

You should also make sure, as soon as the baby is born, that you file for custody, visitation and child support orders.

In all of this, there is no need for you to even mention the other girl or anything about his personal life choices unless it is potentially harmful for you child (and nothing you have said so far leads me to believe this is the case).

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Jodi - posted on 09/17/2015

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Yes, you should give him a chance, but you also need to make sure you have custody orders in place. You can never be sure he won't leave again. But your child will be okay as long as you are providing a stable home. :)

Jaydene - posted on 09/17/2015

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or what if he comes back and wants to be part of our life again. donu think i still have to give him a chance? . how can i be assure that he wont leave is again?

Jodi - posted on 09/17/2015

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Do you mean if he doesn't agree to what you want with regard to custody? You guys can try to compromise and mediate, or the courts will decide. It's probably best if you save up and talk to a lawyer about this one and get advice from them. Most lawyers will give you a first visit and advice for free.

With regard to the child support, it depends where you live, but it really isn't optional. Your child has a right to be supported financially by both parents. So whether he is in the child's life or not, he still has a responsibility here. But filing legally for child support is the way to go about making sure he lives up to his side of that financial support.

Can I ask what country/state you are in? This might help with more specific responses.

Jaydene - posted on 09/17/2015

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yah i did let him go.

his relationship with the baby. bit he didn't mention even a bit.

Jodi - posted on 09/17/2015

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So what if he wanted to have the space to spend time with the girl? If that is his choice, then you need to accept it and not threaten him with not seeing his child. You actually need to just end this relationship with HIM because if he wants to be with this other girl, is it not obvious to you he isn't into you? Basically, just tell him to be with his other girl and that is that!

When you contacted him about the baby, what exactly about the baby did you want to talk to him about?

Jaydene - posted on 09/17/2015

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thats the first time i told him that im delayed. he just wanted to havecthe space to spend time with the girl.

aftr all in the last part of my post when he left me again i contacted him regarding the baby. and ge didnt even bother to talked about it. all he wants us tp tackle ia between him abd his girl and me

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2015

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So you told your boyfriend, who said he wanted some space, that he had to stay with you or never see his child? That's not okay. You can't force someone to be with you if they don't want to be with you. He has a right to make a choice about how he feels about you without being threatened that he can't be a father to his child. The two issues are separate. He has a right to see his child whether he is in a relationship with you or not. In fact, your CHILD has a right to a relationship with both parents. It's time to grow up and realise that you and this man are not going to be together as a couple, but you ARE going to be co-parents for life.

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