my boyfriend's children

SD - posted on 08/25/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend has 2 children from his previous marriage, a daughter and a son- 6 and 10. We have been together for almost 3 years and the relationship has been wonderful. My relationship with his children has also been great. He and his ex share custody, although he takes care of them a majority of the time due to her work schedule. I feel fortunate that things have been pretty simple thus far... However, lately it seems like his daughter is very concerned with keeping her father and I separate during public outings. At first, I shrugged it off as she just wanted her dad's attention, which I understand. She is 10. I have been dealing with it, and now, it has become a serious frustration for me. We go to the movies and she wants me to sit at the end. We go to dinner and she starts demanding where everyone needs to sit- assigning my seat away from her dad. I try not to react to her, and gently say that it's no big deal where anyone sits. At first I thought it was because maybe she wanted to sit next to both of us, but it is mostly her wanting me to not sit next to him at all. He has spoken to her about it once before, and explained that we are adults and we want to sit next to each other. I hate to even think this, but it feels like she is competing with me. It hurts because I had a stepmom as well, and I know how the relationship can feel competitive. I don't want her to feel that way towards me. Luckily, he is going to talk to her to see where these actions stem from, but I'm still worried. Does anyone else have a similar experience? Suggestions?

Although I'm worried about it, I also realize that a 10 year old's actions are not completely rational and perhaps it is something that will stop on it's own?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/25/2016

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Well, its her father, and it really doesn't seem like a big deal, just an annoyance. Even though they have been divorced for a while, it still can be very difficult for children to get used to the change.

SD - posted on 08/25/2016

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Thanks for your reply. We really are not ones to show much affection in public. I see how for her having the sense of control would be comforting, and I often try to see things from her perspective. I always make sure his children feel comfortable and can sit next to their father if they want to. I guess my concern was that while she is sitting next to him, she doesn't want me sitting next to him too. I am probably overthinking this one a bit. In the scheme of things, it is not a huge deal.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/25/2016

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It could stop on its own, but maybe not. You and your boyfriend are adults. She is a child. If this gives her a sense of control, let her have it. What is the big deal? So you don't get to sit next to him, but sitting across is easier to talk anyway. Maybe she is uncomfortable with the kind of affection you both show in public in front of her. She has a right to her feelings. For you to feel a 10 year old is competing with you, means there is something for you to compete for. Don't feel that way. This is her father, and you are the women he is dating. You KNOW what it is like to be a step child. Stand in her shoes and see where she is coming from. She is a child. This does not sound like a big deal unless you MAKE it a big deal.

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