Emily - posted on 07/01/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )
Hi, I'm 21 and I just had a baby boy 6 weeks ago, Quinn. The problem is going to take some background information first to explain. In August of last year I was just coming out of a year+ relationship with an abusive man. I fell into the arms of a friend (new friend of 3 months or so) who is my boyfriend now currently. By "fell into the arms" I mean that we were intimate immediately, within 20 days, of leaving my ex. I was told I was pregnant on Sep. 8th while I was in the hospital for another matter, they said the levels of the pregnancy hormone showed I was 1-2 weeks pregnant. That matched up exactly with the time me and my now boyfriend had relations and also with my ovulation. The entire pregnancy I dated my boyfriend, but he never believed it was his child. He is convinced that the timing was too close for me to KNOW that my son is his.
He is 35 years old, has 3 children by his ex wife, whom he has full custody of due to her being a drug addict and a very bad influence on them. He pays for everything, and despite having a good career, struggles with that on a monthly basis.
When I gave birth to his son 6 weeks ago, I knew right away. There are many physical similarities between them, more than I could make up in my own head (others have confirmed their resemblance)
I love him very much, but I am at my end with this. He still says it is not his child, and as soon as we can afford it we are going to get a paternity test. I know what it will say, and I can not wait and wait until he has enough money to prove this, what is that is 6 months from now! I NEED him to step up and be there for BOTH of us.
I don't know what to do. Seeking a paternity test through child support will cause him to pay a lot of money and also put him in the system for payments. That is not what I am trying to do at this time.
I am seeking advice on how to deal with this... I thought of giving him an ultimatum such as you have X amount of time to come up with 1/2 the test price (i'm the other 1/2) or I'm out of your life. But I want him to know Quinn, no matter what happens to our relationship. I want my son to have a father and I don't want to push him away. It is getting difficult to be patient though, and I am so stuck as to how to keep handling all of this on my own.
Please help! Experience with anything like this, sensitivity, and/or real advice would be greatly appreciated.