My Boyfriends Child

C - posted on 08/02/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My Bf and I have had an on again off again relationship for the past 3 years. He is 42 and I am 47. I have an 11 year old daughter and he has an 9 year old son. My bf has always tried to rush the family thing, even before I felt comfortable with us, I complied, but have not been able to deal with it. He is constantly trying to push his son on me. I have not been able to tell him how I feel due to the fact of hurting his feelings. Hence the on again off again! I personally do not care for his son and both of his parents parenting tactics. Now the son has been playing the fence, telling each parent they have been mean to him, just so he can get his way! The poor child is overweight, and neither one of them seem to take that under control. ex: quarter pounder with cheese, large fries, 6 piece chicken nuggets, sugar pop and then later a banana shake!! I have tried to mention that this boy needs counseling! Nothing! My child is very active in sports, socially has many friends! The boy does not! He is way immature for his age, and truly i am going to have a blow up because of it. He is very manipulative! My child is also a year into being diagnosed with type-1 diabetes. She does not care for him either! He is just not a fun child, nor is it a comfortable environment with him around.
Frustrated!

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Dove - posted on 08/02/2012

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If you don't like and can't accept the boy, do this family (and yourself) a favor and keep it as an off again relationship.

You are doing no one any favors by going back and forth and not having open, honest communication with your boyfriend.

I'm sorry for your frustrations, but you can't control other people. All you can control is you. Good luck!!

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C - posted on 08/02/2012

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I do feel the lack of social interaction is a huge issue. I am not comparing the two, I realize if he doesn't want to play sports that is fine, but this child needs to have some social interaction with children of his own age, hanging out with his friends. He is very spoiled and wants to have things his way, there is no compromising. If he does not get his way, he pouts.

C - posted on 08/02/2012

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Jaime,
I totally agree. and I have spoke to both on the issue of counseling and his emotional eating and the need to comfort him with food. Sadly his moms bf has confronted me and shares some of the same issues. I am saddened by the behavior of all involved. I truly know the answer and know the end result, but wanted some advice and some support. It is my fault for complying. This is an example, My daughter and I have a girls day/lunch planned for friday with one of my girlfriends. My bf asked if I would watch his child, I said no, that we have a girls lunch. Now know this, it is because his child does not want to go to a swimming party with his kidz care. Now I have been told I am unreliable! This is just one of many!

Jaime - posted on 08/02/2012

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"My bf has always tried to rush the family thing, even before I felt comfortable with us, I complied, but have not been able to deal with it. He is constantly trying to push his son on me. I have not been able to tell him how I feel due to the fact of hurting his feelings"



Unless you enjoy martyrdom, I would stop complying and start voicing your concerns. If you plan to stick around, then you need to find a way to work through the problems with your partner's son. In all honesty, the child is not the problem here, it's the parents and you...your negative attitude and your less-than-accepting opinion of this boy is only perpetuating the real issue---a total lack of communication. Family counselling and a visit to the nutritionist are both good starting points, but beyond that it's really about changing your thinking and working toward a solution, instead of focusing so much on the problem.



ETA: Comparing the kids is also something I would suggest you stop doing. While your daughter might be heavily into sports, this boy might not share that interest and that's okay. Over-eating and a lack of essential, physical activity is worthy of a red flag, but his lack of interest in sports or social circles is not remotely the issue.

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