My boys dad wants to be a family but I can't get over what he did...

Zoey - posted on 10/20/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My sons dad wants to be a family again but I can't forgive him. I left with the boys 6 weeks old my youngest 17months old my oldest because things were getting bad, I left thinking I was going to come back but he told me I can't come back and if I do he will f@@k another girl. I was so hurt and betrayed, he lied to me about how his other kids and his past won't affect us. Well his reason for not letting me come back was because he wants to be with his older kids and to make up for the times he wasn't there for them. The truth is he left because he wants to compete in a bodybuilding competition. He has an obsession with the gym, lost his first marriage cause if it. This all happened in April, and during the entire time he wouldn't see me, he tells me he cares about the boys but only seen them three times, we live in different states so it could be difficult but he never once told me I can cone back, after I filed for child support he was angry and told me he doesn't want to be with someone who makes him pay. Then after he realized how much and for how long he has to pay he was suddenly apologetic and wants to be a family again. What upsets me is that he never gave me mire then a couple hundred dollars a month and just to buy diapers. He said he doesn't have money only to find out he spent about five thousand dollars preparing for his competition. He says he wants to try again after he competes but he wants to stay focused and be in peace throughout the whole thing, I am just so lost for words at his selfishness. His family supports him too. I feel abandoned and betrayed. He goes through these phases where he feel guilty for not being there for his older kids and to make up for he he neglects ,e or ignores me until that guilt is satisfied. Then once he feels he did his duty as a father he comes running back to me saying he is sorry etc etc. I know my story is all over the place and it might not make sense but it's because there are so many issues and he came with a lot of baggage. What hurts me the most is throughout the last six months I was so hurt I cried all the time I was so overwhelmed raising both my infant son and my one year old by myself and going to school full-time. Every time I wanted to talk to him he puts me on hold and says he doesn't want to deal with methat he doesn't have time he wants to stay focused on his competition. Well today is his competition and he has been texting me the past three days saying he misses us and misses me too and that he wants me to come back and we can get married. I honestly want to chop him up in pieces with a dull knife...he turns my world upside with broken promises hurt me and the boys so bad, and now he wants to try? How come his feelings only matter and whatever he does is okay but I'm not allowed to hurt or be angry but i have to do things on his terms whenever it's convienient for him? I know my sons have every right to see him but he's been absent for my most of my youngest sons life and half of my other sons life why should I meet him whenever he sees fit and give him the boys? It's traumatizing they don't remember him or know who he is. I don't want to be there supervising cause I can't stand the thought of being near him. I'm afraid he's going to manipulate me and I'm having some serious anxiety lately, now that his competition will be over after today I've been stressed and scared to see what he would try and do and say to me to make me go back with him. He's so manipulating and I don't want to get weak again, I suffered so much, I was told I couldn't come back and I was forced to start a new life as a single mom and now that I finally let this all go and move on he wants to try again? I told him to get a custody order with visitation schedule established but he doesn't want to do that. How come I'm the bad one for not letting him see the kids now?

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