ParkswayVoodoo - posted on 11/26/2012
just sit her down and ask her, tell her you wont judge her answer, but ask her if she wants to be a mother right now, that you can see she wants her teenage life, but as an older wiman you know that you cant have both. explain you are willing to care for her child and dont think any less of her if she decides to leave baby with you for a good while. so she can mature in her own time and seek help along the way from counseling and support groups.
My husband & I have discussed taking the baby, our two teens at home also agreed to that. We would get all the legal paperwork. I agree that the mom should get some counseling and she would need to be taking parenting classes. And work out any other issues preventing her from being a loving responsible parent. I think if she were honest with herself she would agree to letting her live with us. I'm just unsure on how to begin that conversation. I have been the only person who hasn't came at her in a angry and hurtful way about this situation. I try to always say something positive to her, but I have also told her that I might say things she won't like but to believe i'm coming from a good place. Any advice on how to bring it up to her and what I should and shouldn't say would be very helpful.
Marian - posted on 11/26/2012
Teenage motherhood is difficult any way you look at it. But to also come from a situation that you have described could be even more burdensome. There is scientific evidence that the teenage brain is not yet fully developed. Given that news, you see why it can be so hard for teen parents to handle all that comes with having a baby. Teens are ill-equipt emotionally, mentally, and in some cases physically.
I can tell that you have taken a role in this situation as a concerned person. Thank you for doing so. I am sad to say that there is no way to make this teen mom step up and handle the responsibility that she was supposed to accept. I think the best that you can do in this situation is be a support for this family. Offering to care for baby is kind, but it also gives Mom an easy out. I see that you are concerned about who will care for baby if you don't, but again, this enables Mom to shed responsibility for baby.
Here's what I suggest, see if you can find a support group in your town or county for teen moms. Offer to go with her to the group to check it out. She may gain some insight by seeing others like herself. The more emotional support Mom has, the easier it may be for her to step up. Talk to her about the options that she has as a Mom. Maybe she doesn't know that she could still put baby up for adoption, if that is what she wants. Maybe she doesn't know what she wants...teens are like that. Continue to be a sounding board for her. Offer to spend time with her, with baby. Let her see how you are caring for baby. Maybe that will inspire her to do the same.
I also think you need to be careful about your own emotional attachment to baby. As a caregiver we quickly become attached to the little ones that we give love to. I would hate to see you get hurt in this situation, especially because you are coming from a place of caring and concern. Best of luck.
Dove - posted on 11/26/2012
You can't get her to want her baby... unfortunately. I'd let her know that you will be happy to care for the baby (if you are), but that mom needs to either #1 be under your roof as well or #2 get some notarized documents giving you temporary legal custody/guardianship. What's going to happen if that baby ends up needing an ER visit in the middle of the night and 'mom' is no where to be found??.... and mom needs to be in counseling and parenting classes. If she doesn't agree to any of that... I'd be calling CPS to get involved and let them know just how much you've been watching that baby.
ParkswayVoodoo - posted on 11/26/2012
i wasa tenn mom and although i didnt have that behavior at all, i think she isvoverwhelmed and wasnt ready to give up her teenage lifestyle. from what youve described it also seems like her mother may have done the same thing to her, so she knows nothing better. you may need to sit and talk with her. make sure you tell her you dont think she is a bad mother, if she feels you think that she will get offended and blow you off most likely. if you talk with her calmly and unjudgemental and she continues its best to call cps or maybe just offer to raise the baby until shes ready to step up, thats if you feel comfortable doing so. many teen moms take a few months towake up to their reality, some never do, and some take on the responsibility very well.
Tricia - posted on 11/26/2012
Is it possible the young girl is suffering from PPD? It sounds like she has almost all but abandoned the baby? Who has been buying the formula, diapers, clothing, any other need for the child? If it is you I'd advise you to get some legal advise, maybe call child protective services..don't feel forced to leave names if you are not prepared to do so but if you are not a blood relative things could get complicated for yourself and this young mother.
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