Ariana - posted on 09/24/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )
My son seems to act up more if I am around other people or certain times in public.
My son will start acting up A LOT if my mother is around (because she treats him like a baby, he's almost 4 and she acts like he's a little 2 year old). He also acts up around when my Dad is around me, or any family member.
I just had an incident on the bus where he was refusing to stay in his seat and then started SCREAMING when I stopped him. He kept yelling because he wanted to sit with someone else but it wasn't even possible to accommodate due to the way the seats were.
I tried to tell him we'll sit behind the person and he started yelling that he didn't want to sit behind her he wanted to sit with her! Then he started flailing around, and screaming how he wanted to sit ain another seat and I tired to let him sit in one spot but he started rolling around on the ground.
Needless to say no matter how I tried to accommodate him or talk calmly with him he just was not listening and, whether intentionally or not, was revving up for a tantrum.
I also attempted to just tell him to stop (I know, desperation but what else could I do?). I told him if he didn't stop he wouldn't get to watch television when we got him, and I tried to tell him if he did stop he would be able to watch it.
Anyway he wouldn't stop and just kept screaming. I said people on the bus don't want to hear you.
Ultimately we got home and I told him I was not impressed and sent him to his room for a nap ( a much needed one) and then he did not get any television that night.
I just find a lot of times he acts out it's when I'm with other people or in public. At home he's generally fine.
He either realizes when we're in situations that I cannot control (on the bus, I can't give him a timeout or really get him in any sort of trouble for not sitting etc. while we are stuck there). Or when we're with other people and he knows it's embarrassing, like with my family I am always getting him in trouble around them (or with friends...). If you aren't paying attention to just him he starts being bothersome to the max.
In turn now my parents who are separated but a daily part of his life ( I live with my Dad and my Mom watches my son in the day a few days a week) he will act out around them with me a lot.
My Mother acts like it's all my fault that he acts like that and will start babying him and he'll run to her all the time, and my Dad acts like my kids a brat, because my kid tends to start acting like one as soon as he shows up at home.
The main problem is he's inconsistent in the ways he acts out, and my mother acts like I'm awful when I get him in trouble, and my Dad thinks he needs a good yelling or a smack (which I of course tell him yelling is not effecting and do NOT smack him as I already know it isn't going to work). So I've got these two other people with polar reactions to my son acting out.
I try to be as consistent as possible, but it is difficult to continuously have to prove to my son that just because you're in public or with one of your grandparents does not mean you can start acting however you like.
I know it's a matter of just getting over the fact that I might look like I'm being a hardass. I am actually a naturally submissive personality. I try to say 'stop it' to him on the bus and I end up having to hold a screaming child for a 25 minute bus ride. I gave him a consequence but I know to some people I either looked like I wasn't doing enough (I was trying to be calm) and to other people I must have looked like I was being mean (You aren't going to get any television, you need to stop acting like this right now...). I couldn't control him and it was extremely frustrating. The most I could seem to do was just tell him what was going to happen if he continued and follow through. I am just getting really tired of being so embarrassed and I don't know what to do on the days/times he starts to act out and I'm trapped.
I just seem to do this all the time. Like he used to start crying and acting out in restaurants (and I did the lets get in and out, make sure he's not super tired all that accommodating positive outcome scenario things as well to try to build positive opportunities oh joy) and I would have to take him to the bathroom almost every single time for a year before he got that when we went into a restaurant he couldn't just kick off 'cause he felt like it (also in a public setting generally around family, now that I think about it).
I don't know if this is a question as much as a rant... My question would be what could I do to prevent him from continuing to act out in public or around family members (especially my babying mother). I have had to become very tough in that just because my mother is near doesn't mean I don't get him in trouble for things that I would get him in trouble for if I was alone. It's frustrating in that I will get him in trouble and have her disapproving of me, me against her and him instead of me and her trying to teach him how to act like a cooperative little person.