My Child does not Listen! Advice please

Amy - posted on 12/16/2013 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My DD is testing my patience to no end. She will not listen to me no matter what I say or do. She is almost 6 in a couple of weeks. I just don't know what to do with her anymore. I am to the point I feel like I could smack her across the house and that's not how I want to be with her. I have three kids but she is the worst one. She sasses me, talks back, continually argues with us. Tells me she isn't going to do whatever it is I tell her to do. She does the same to my husband. She has always been a good child up until the last six months. I just don't know what in the world is up. Is this a phase? An age thing? I am starting to feel like a horrible parent. I just don't feel like dealing with her because she doesn't listen.

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User - posted on 12/19/2013

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Amy, it could be a mirade of things. First off, I understand completely. It's possible that she is feeling uprooted. It's also possible that everyone is tense and she is expressing it by talking back. Everyone deals with things like this differently.

You're not a horrible parent. However, if you are feeling this spread thin it sounds like you could both use some time with friends. I'm not saying it's homeschooling. A kid can be social in or out of homeschool and the same goes for public school. My own daughter is in public school, but there are times when both of us need time to hang out one-on-one just for the fun of if (no expectations, deadlines, chores, ext) and other times when we both need time to hang out with our friends. Easier said than done, but it does help. With my own daughter we are both extremely similar in temperament and so we can set each other off much easier than me and my younger daughter.

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful or just yammering. But I want you to know that you have my support. There's an eight step program to helping parents and kids listen to each other that I'm going to start doing. I can give details if you're interested. I haven't done it yet, so I can't vouch for it per say though. :)

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Amy - posted on 12/19/2013

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Deborah, thank you so much. I think maybe you have hit it dead on. We are all cramped up in a small space and there really isn't much for them to do here. Hopefully as soon as we go back home in three weeks, things will start to ease up. My daughter and I are very similar in temperament at times. We had a really good day yesterday but today hasn't be the best. We found out this morning one of our dogs passed and she has been upset about that. I would like know about the program you are starting, please let me know the details. I'm still not extremely familiar on maneuvering this website but I will keep checking back. Thank you!

Jodi - posted on 12/18/2013

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I don't homeschool, I'm actually a teacher. I don't disagree with homeschooling, though, depending on how it is approached. Unfortunately, I have also seen homeschooled children come into the public system with a poor education because they aren't "really" homeschooled, and they have also had poor socialisation. On the flip side, I've seen some very well balanced homeschooled kids too. Unfortunately, not everyone should be allowed to homeschool a child - some homeschool for the wrong reasons (i.e. to control what their child is exposed to, to keep said child home as a babysitter to the young ones, religious indoctrination). I am not suggesting you are one of those, I am simply advising not to make the mistakes of insufficient socialisation, as this is really important.

Anyway, I am pretty sure there are homeschooling groups on here. You could search up the top of the page. When the search results come up, scroll to the bottom of the page and there will be a lost of communities that are relevant to your search term.

[deleted account]

I went through the same thing with my daughter ever since she was a baby. My husband and I did things such as spanking and yelling which we never thought we would do. I too felt like a bad mother and like I ran a race at the end of the day. We saw a counselor at school this year who helped us big time. First I took out all the bad TV shows although they are rated G but it was bad influence on her. We did not spank her ever since. And we hardly yell at her. She is strong willed and nothing is going to change about that. But she changed a lot. Whenever she does something bad she tries to apologize and do the right thing within min. I agree with the other mother's advice about structure and socialization. I could use some of their advice as well even though my daughter is not home schooled.

Amy - posted on 12/18/2013

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Do any of you ladies homeschool? Or is there a board on here for homeschooling? Maybe I can find some moms in my area.

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2013

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But Amy, every child is different. Girls do tend to be more social creatures at an earlier age, and need a different type of socialisation. Your daughter may be reacting to the fact that she has no real friends, and no real structure. I think you should wait and see how she settles when she gets home, and if you are still going to be homeschooling, make sure she gets involved in some activities where she cam make some real friends, not just the friends you choose for her.

Amy - posted on 12/17/2013

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We are only here for a couple more weeks and then we will be back home where we live. I also homeschool my 7 yo and haven't had these issues with him.

Ev - posted on 12/17/2013

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Amy, you need to balance that home schooling and socialization out a lot. She needs more than just the child of a friend to play with. She needs structured activities where she and even you can meet others who home school their kids and get involved in doing things. Find her a hobby or sport or anything that is good and fun but gets her involved with groups of just more than people that you know.

Amy - posted on 12/17/2013

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It's very possible. My husband and I were discussing that last night. I do homeschool them so they did not go to public school before we started traveling.

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2013

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Ah, so you have been travelling for three months! That might go a long way toward explaining some things. Routine and consistency are very important for a child this age, and moving around from place to place can be very unsettling for a child. Is it possible this is part of the problem? She is 6. If you are travelling around, you have possibly also pulled her away from friends and her social development may be suffering. Perhaps there is some anger and upset about that?

Amy - posted on 12/17/2013

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Katie I just don't know what to do. She has always listened well. It's like her and her brother changed places. He used to be the difficult child and she was the opposite. I do believe she is very strong willed. We have been traveling with my husband for his work for the last three months. Since we got to Florida a month ago, it seems to have worsened. I just have no patience with her anymore. I feel like all she is going to think is how mean mommy was when she was a child. :(

Katie - posted on 12/17/2013

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Amy, you are not alone in this. I've been feeling the same way with my 5 yr old daughter as well. She is constantly arguiung, telling us no, refusing to eat... just don't know what to do anymore. All current consequences are not working. Am really at the end of our rope. One thing we are trying now is an allowance. If she has problems at school, she loses part of it. If she doesn't eat she loses part of it. This is the first week we are trying this so am not sure how well it will work. Will let you know

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