my child is swearing!!

Zoe - posted on 09/14/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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help me please,i dont know what to do!!! My little girl who is nearly 22mnth old has started to swear! ( F**k) being her word of choice. she has really good speech and has clearly heard it from somewhere and more than once. she will even say it in context,like when she falls over or drops something but says 'oh f**k'. She is looked after by my parents,they dont swear at all,so i know its not them but also spends time at her other granparents,who do swear and i frequently catch them do it in front of her. I will be having words!!! But i really need advice on how to deal with his as ignoring it doesnt seem to be working. Help Help Help PLEASE.xxxx

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Amanda - posted on 09/14/2010

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Seems my post was deleted, so here we go again.

Amy an IEP is not an excuse for your child to swear, nor is a speech issue. As I said before my son has an IEP and speech issue, I would never state in his IEP that he is allowed to swear as long as it is done in proper context, that is ridiculous. Of course I agreed for the school to remove my child for swearing, because it isn’t proper, and we all have to be taught to follow the rules, IEP or not. Parents need to stop relying on IEP’s to excuse a child misbehaving.

Though I do agree with you, that tone gives a word power, it doesn’t change the fact that there is a time and place for swearing, school is not one of them, also a work place. Which is what school prepares a child for, and is it our job as parents to prepare them for school, which is to learn not swear because it is not acceptable in the general public.

Sherri - posted on 09/14/2010

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Glad my children are not in contact with yours. What a terrible thing to allow your child to do and think that it is okay. Mind boggling.
My children are not in IEP's and would be suspended if they were caught swearing just as every other non disabled child would be in our district. I am tired of hearing your children have IEP's and that is why they can swear etc. That is a very poor excuse and honestly teach your children better and they will do better.

Lois - posted on 09/18/2010

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Since she is 22 months, use the time out technique when she curses and be sure to explain that the behavior is not acceptable. Set up a jar with little prizes, so when she goes all day without saying bad words she can get a prize. This will help her recognize that it is wrong and encourage her to change her ways, she should be able to understand your request.

Krista - posted on 09/17/2010

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Everybody, let's get back on the topic of actually HELPING the OP instead of focusing on on who lets their kid swear and who doesn't. The OP doesn't want HER own child to swear, and needs advice on how to deal with it. Please let's concentrate on helping her.



Thanks,

Krista E.

WTCOM Moderator

Angie - posted on 09/15/2010

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If my child was in a school where a child was allowed to swear - and please tell me when swear words can be used in proper context - I would have a fit. Not only would the teacher hear it but so would the principal and the superintendant. It is extremely disrespectful and is meant to hurt and be hateful if one is asked to stop. With that said, I think a firm, "we don't use that word in our house, find another word” every time she says it might help. When she gets older you might get more drastic. I have to admit, the first time I heard a swear word come out of my children's mouth, I told them it was inappropriate in my home and they washed the word out with a toothbrush and liquid soap. When I was a child, my mother told me that the only people who swear are people who don’t have the language skills to use appropriate words. I totally agree with that and I have made the same statement to my children

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TealRose - posted on 04/02/2011

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If your child's grandparents swear in front of her - you should take them aside and tell them that you don't like it - and they should respect you - tell them to cut it out !! Hot sauce damages children's mouths - causes blisters and burning. It can also damage permanently their oesophagus and stomach lining. Both soap [that froths and chokes and kills children every year] and hot sauce are chemical warfare and dangerous and should never be used on a child. The fact you 'only use a drop' is not the point - it's dangerous ... Usually a child will stop using bad words when you stop reacting to it.

Angela - posted on 09/18/2010

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My just turned two year old has started to do the very same thing. He started saying WTF more than once. I just stayed very calmed and told him that wasn't a nice word and to say what the heck instead. If you make a big deal out of it, it will entice them to do it more because they are clearly getting a reaction out of you. His use of the word has died down and I have spoken to his uncle whom I think may be the responsible party. I mean we all slip up here and there, but don't worry like everything else there will come a time where they will figure out that they cannot say those words. But when they are this age they only undersatnd what they can use the word for not it's impact. :) Hope this helps and good luck.

Zoe - posted on 09/18/2010

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Again im asking for support not for others to create arguments for what ever reason,im starting to wish i hadnt asked :( Thank u to those who have offered ways to try and discourage my childs bad lauguage.xx

Bo Lynn - posted on 09/17/2010

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When my son was 3 he picked up on some colorful words. I always said "Oh I dont like that word! Just say ...." and "Big kids know they don't say that word" We did that each time and if someone around him said those words he would say "Hey don't say that word!"

If you get all surprised and embarrassed your child will see the rise it gets out of you and will use it to their advantage. Instead of words with the inlaws - just keep saying to your girl that you don't like it and she could always say something made up like "Oh, bubble-roses! I dropped it!" Each time she uses a good word, laugh or echo (and say 'BUBBLE-ROSES?!' ) so she sees that the positive attention is better than negative.

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My daughter has started that with the word dam....you know the one I'm really referring too....because I accidently said it in front of her. So my husband and I have started a "naughty word" jar. We all use it....for every naughty word that leaves our mouth we take a penny and say: "Oops I did it again. I used a no no word" and we put the penny in the jar. When my daughter does it we say: "Oops you used a no no word. Put a penny in the jar." We hand her a penny and she does it. Now she even hands daddy the pennys when he curses because he's the one that does it the most.....lol. It has helped us with getting her to understand that certain words are not nice words. I know the daycare uses the star system.....if a child says stupid or meanie then they loose a star but if they do not use anything like that they gain a star.

Zoe - posted on 09/17/2010

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amy lea that was ur options for ur child who are different from my child,i was asking for advice for my child,who has no problems and is a good speaker,yet all u seem to hav done it create an agrument. my child is not autistic! i thank u for ur input but i dont feel it is relevant.

Iridescent - posted on 09/16/2010

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When you have kids with autism, you can either
1 - take the risk of losing speech entirely by punishing it
2 - take the risk of the negative reinforcement being enough to make them state it repeatedly at random for YEARS
3 - leave it alone and they'll drop it, especially if the school works with you

Of those choices, I think I chose the correct one.

Julie - posted on 09/16/2010

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Curse words are such a lazy way to communicate, What a shame that someone would reinforce that with a child. What a shame when a child obviously has enough problems to have an IEP someone would also burden their child with the added responsibility of being a mouth piece for discord and unrest wrapping self serving bullying and packaging it in the name of the constitution as if your right to be rude and disrespectful usurps my childs right to live in a curse free classroom? There is reason ratings are on movies. Some things are aproprite for children somethings are not.

Tammy - posted on 09/16/2010

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When my daughter was young she heard my husband say it and she repeated it. Luckily I was able to make her think she was mispronouncing Fork! I just looked at her and would keep exagerating the R in fork. IT would also help if you told those grandparents they weren't so "Grand" and if they insist on swearing that they can't watch her anymore. What are they gonna do? Tell a judge they should be able to cuss in front of a 2 year old? Maybe if it has to be Explained in front of enough people they'll realize just how stupid they're being!

Sarah - posted on 09/16/2010

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Good for you for wanting to nip this in the bud. I definately think having a word with the grandparents is needed.

As far as swearing in school goes I was a teacher for several years and the Head teacher I worked for had the attitude that at no point could parents dictate the rules of the school. She said to them, If you don't like it, take your child to a different school with different standards.

Tracey - posted on 09/16/2010

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As your child is so young she will have no concept of what the word means except that by saying it she gets a reaction.
My daughter said the same word at around the same age as we had very loud nightmare neighbours who screamed and swore all day and night. As she was into farm animals at the time we said no - not F**k, DUCK and praised her everytime she said duck. Even bought her a toy duck so she got the message,
For future reference, in case she picks up any more words, s**t became ship, damn became pram, b****y became buddy, and the c word became hunt as in hide and seek.
Until she is older I suggest changing the word so she thinks she has misheard it, and speak to grandparents.

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If she is using that frequently and in "correct" context then she is DEFINITELY hearing it regularly from somewhere. You should definitely figure out where she is hearing it and cut it out at the source first of all. And secondly, do NOT ignore it or freak out at it. And, do not laugh or let other people laugh about it. If you don't want her to say it then you need to make sure she doesn't hear it and you also need to explain to her why you don't want her to hear it. My first child was/is very verbal. She was using complete sentences by 17 months so I know what it's like to have a great talker. Being a great talker means she is also a great comprehender. She will understand when you explain to her why she should not say it. Just be patient and loving because it is clearly not her fault. I have in laws that use words that are not a good choice of responses around toddlers and I've had to "threaten" to cut them off from one on one contact with my daughter and that worked!

User - posted on 09/15/2010

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Zoe, I am impressed by your graciousness. I don't think your baby is going to have any problem. What a great mother she has!

Amber - posted on 09/15/2010

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lol My daughter does the same thing. All kids do it, don't be too worried. All you can do is say "don't say that word, it's a bad word" and she should know what you mean. My daughter is 2 and a half, and her dad plays video games a lot, and you know how they are when they get mad at those games! lol, well anyway she knows what words are bad just by telling them its bad, and sometimes my daughter catches her dad saying bad words and yells at him to not say it! lol. Hope this helps!! You are not the only one though, don't worry about it so much it can be stopped.

Sharon - posted on 09/15/2010

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I was apparently a swearer from a very young age so I have been very strict with people swearing around my son, However he has managed to pick up the word fucker, I just tell him it's not a good word and ask him to try another word to replace it so yesterday I got fucking! He's trying

Zoe - posted on 09/15/2010

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Thank you to all that have replied to my post,although im not keen on the heated debate that it has created :( I thank people for there opinions and have read all ur comments.
I will be having words with the grandparents in question as i feel swearing i wot ever form is unacceptable. I have decided that a quick 'no,not that word' and then change the subject is what il be doing and see how it goes.
To Amy Lea,clearly your children have had their own challenges to face,and as my child isnt similar i dont think your way would be best for her.
Thank you everyone.xxx
P.S. i havent deleted any posts,so dont know what has happened.xx

Michelle - posted on 09/15/2010

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When all three of my children were about 2 years old they all used the word Shit in the right context. This was my favorite word to use (didn't swear beyond that word) When my son started to say it I decided that the way to deal with it was if he said it he had to sit in a timeout and if I said it I had to sit in a time out. It seemed to work. Ignoring it doesn't work and either does making a big huge deal of it. Good luck

Trudy - posted on 09/14/2010

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i told my kids that they have to be able to drive the big car like mommy before they're allowed to swear. you know like kids have school and adults have work... that kind of stuff.

Amanda - posted on 09/14/2010

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Amy, I think we got your point 7 times. That's your opinion, but swearing for children is completely unacceptable. But Zoe....the only thing I can telly you is to go to the other grandparents and make it very clear to them that language like that is not allowed, if so, they will lose some privileges of seeing your daughter. That's what I did with my in-laws.

Iridescent - posted on 09/14/2010

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My children are not bad influences. If you don't like anything I have to say, block me. They speak appropriately. Even without IEPs, it wouldn't have been an issue, as I explained about the handbook/policies for school. And my kids lives and the things we use for them (IEPs, diets, etc) are part of our lives. That's not going to change, and I have no need to hide it.

Iridescent - posted on 09/14/2010

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Language (any type) is only disrespectful and rude if it is intended to be. You can call someone the sweetest person there is, with malice. Words are simply words, and their method of use determines intent.

Phyllis - posted on 09/14/2010

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vinegar is what I used, took about 3 times for my kids to get the picture.

Erica - posted on 09/14/2010

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IEP or not I would not tolerate it, it is totally disrepctful and rude....
Now to help the mom who wrote wanting help NOT a debate, I heard from a PEDS dr. once to dip your finger in vingear and swipe it across the tongue. they usally hate the taste and if you are consitance with it she will learn what will happen when those words are said.

Iridescent - posted on 09/14/2010

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Amanda, one thing in common with many school policies regarding discipline to swearing when not directed at people is based on the assumption that if you send your child to a specific school, you agree that your child will be held to their rules. Your child is a minor so can be punished, if you approve. The fact that he was punished and you allowed it automatically means you approved. You could have chosen to fight it, or have it in his IEP, yet you did not. That's your choice. I don't have to make the same decisions, as I am a parent myself and will guide my children how I see as appropriate. This is why it was included in his IEP, and why they are not punished for it, because legally the school cannot do anything for it unless it is used to violate another person's rights, which it is not. You are allowed to take ANY contract (including a school handbook), cross one line through any line you do not agree with, initial it, date it, and sign it, and if it is accepted it is a legal contract. This means when a school handbook is given out, you can make changes, sign it all legally, turn it in, make the school aware. If they object they do not need to sign it. If they don't, they accept it and then that is the set of rules for your child. It's simple law.

Kate CP - posted on 09/14/2010

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It's just words. I've told my daughter in the past that certain words hurt people's feelings but I don't make a big deal about it. If she says "Oh, shit" I just say "Sam, you shouldn't say that. That word can hurt some peoples feelings." If she continues to say it I just ignore her. And guess what? It stops because she's not getting any reaction from me. If you make a big deal about it they use the words more because they know it'll get a rise out of you.

Iridescent - posted on 09/14/2010

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http://articles.courant.com/2010-02-07/n...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_of_...

Your legal rights for freedom of speech. As I stated earlier, my children are only allowed to speak in context. That does not include using the words continuously, nor using them to refer to a person. They are not being hateful or offensive to anyone, so they have every right to speak as they do. I am aware you can find tons of other links supporting your view, but in every one of them the words they were suspended (and etc) for were directed at others as hate speech or intended to be offensive.

Iridescent - posted on 09/14/2010

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Sorry, but you cannot suspend disabled children where the speech is included in their IEP. The US is governed by a Constitution, and within that is "Freedom of Speech". This is allowed to the extent that you are not directing hate speech and racial slurs at others, or intending to harm. Since school is a federal institution, they cannot suspend my child.

Sherri - posted on 09/14/2010

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Amy if you lived here your children would be suspended from school. There is a no swearing policy period in our district and any child heard swearing it is an automatic suspension!!

Iridescent - posted on 09/14/2010

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Yes, you understood me correctly. My first son didn't learn to speak at all until he was 4. My second, 3. My third and fourth were 2, and my fifth was 3. It took so much encouragement to get them to speak at all, and we were told most of them never would, that I refuse to use negative reinforcement (punishment) for speaking, even if you don't like what is said.

That said, my children are also exceptionally respectful, well mannered, and good children. We regularly get compliments on their behavior and attitudes.

Amanda - posted on 09/14/2010

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Am I misunderstanding you Amy (god I hope I am), you have actually told teachers not to punish your children when they swear, as long as its used in the proper context? I find it extremely hard to believe any teacher would agree to this. I completely understand not filtering ones self for a child, we also do this in my home, but I do not understand allowing a child to use swear words as long as they use them correctly.

Iridescent - posted on 09/14/2010

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We ignore it. Our children know the swear words that are commonly used in our area. There is no need to filter speech because when that's done, those words become more desirable to learn and use and harder to stop. Because we don't punish words used appropriately, our children don't use them often or dramatically so it really doesn't draw attention to it. We spoke with our childrens teachers as well and let them know disciplining appropriately used language will not be tolerated, regardless of their feelings, and they've abided by it and have had no difficulties with "bad language" rubbing off on classmates, either.

Amanda - posted on 09/14/2010

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Dont ignor it, ignoring it tells her is perfectly acceptible to speak that way. When she says it tell her she is not to say that word.

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