Aliya - posted on 04/08/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
My ex-husband has no job and his brother bought him a house. I wanted a divorce and I had to move out. The kids stayed with him because he has a 3,000 square foot house and his parents live close by. I have no family in this state and I work full time. He has no income other than unemployment. He pays utilities, his brother owns the house, and pays taxes. His Mother cooks meals for the kids on the nights that I do not have them. I see them twice a week until 9pm after I finish work, and have them every other weekend. I also see them on Saturdays for a short time on the weekends that I do not have them.
I left a man, who gave me no emotional, or financial support - he was controlled by his Mother and still is. He said that he would never leave his kids no matter what, and that I should not have left. My kids are 16, 10 and 8. He constantly belittles me, and when I tell him if he did not let the bank have our old house - I would have the kids. He said you cannot control the kids, and you cannot afford after school care. I live in IL and child support is 32% of income for 3 kids. He says 32% of nothing is nothing. He is not working or looking for work. His family pays for everything. He is studying. He said he had to settle the kids down because of the divorce, and he did not have time to do anything else. When a stay at home Mom gets divorced, the judge tells her to get a job. He is not doing that. I have hardly any money and he would not accept the judges recommendation. We are going for a temporary child support hearing. My kids are so angry and hurt. They said that I hate him and his parents more than I love them.
I know it takes time, and I could not tell the kids that if I had stayed I would have died or end up in hospital. I was miserable, had no control over my life. His mother made all the decisions, because he was always losing his job or needed financial assistance.
They were very helpful but it came with a price.
What can I do to help my kids adjust? Will they ever forgive me?