My children live with their father

Lacy - posted on 04/05/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My boys are currently living with their fathers because I had to relocate and they wanted to finish out their school year in the system they are in. I miss them terribly and wont get to see them until the end of may. Anyone have any advice on how to deal with the depression?

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Julie - posted on 04/08/2009

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You are not alone. It's hard for anyone to understand unless it's happened to them. It can drive you crazy, it did to me for a while until I went to counseling and therapy. I'm a little better, but the feelings still come and go. My daughters, 10 & 8, also live with their father, who doesn't let me have contact with them.



Don't regret anything you did in the past, just remember what you did well with your best judgment and continue to make good decisions from now. Your children want to know that you are all right and you want to be strong for them when you have them with you again later in life. They will always come back to you. You are their mother.



I make things for them and write them letters almost every day. Even if they don't get them, I save them so they can read it when they're older. That way they know that I was thinking about them even when they're not physically here.  I take pictures of everything I mail to them and keep it like a scrapbook to show myself I am doing something for them and also proof to court so they can't say that I'm not making an effort to have a relationship with my children from far away. Knowing that I am doing something to show how much I love, think about and care for them makes me feel better.



Know that you are loved and they will come back to you. You are their mother, the only one, and always will be. They need you to stay well now to be there for them in the future. Be strong. You can write me anytime. My prayers are with you, Lacy.

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My boys live with there father also, it was a hard choice to make. I see them every second weekend and talk with them during the week. It was hard at first, but I told myself it was better for them and that now I can finally take care of me. Which was something I could never do before.. So far it has been 1 year and I'm doing great.. I miss my boys, don't get me wrong, but when they are with me I have more time to do activities as a family and enjoy the time to fullest. I know that I'm their mom and a better one now.. Hope my little story could help you.. Don't give in to the depression, reason is it's harder to come back from it.. 

Shannon - posted on 04/08/2009

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What about getting a web cam so you can see and talk to them? Keep communication open so that you still feel apart of their life.

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Haylea - posted on 09/15/2013

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hi there I'm in a situation to we're my children live with there father an personally I don't think there really is away too deal with it it's so hard . I cry most days my situation is killing me making me so ill it's unreal . I haven't seen my baby's in nearly a year there father taken them away from me an its currently going through the courts it's a long and painfully proses . I do find that talking to people in same situations help a little . I've just signed up to see a psychologist these people are trained to help people with depression etc hope things work out for you . chin up keep going x

Sherri - posted on 08/18/2013

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My boys father just last 2 mouths took them way and then the court said he was rigth now he has full coustde .... iam going crazzy I never been with out my babys , I grow up in foster home I promest my self I never be my mom and dad .... it hurts I only get to see them on satdays from 8 to 7 and it kills me there dad has been in and out , I did it all by my self now he getting married he won't them .. I need help some one talk to that nows what flee

Mia - posted on 01/27/2013

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so,my daughters are older now and it seems like they throw it in my face that I was not the custodial parent. I left my husband and when it was time to take my kid, which I could have with no problems, I could not do it. I could not take me away from him and also take them. I have always seen them but I do and did always work atleast 12 hours a day or close to it. So over the years my ex husbands wife had them call her mom also. I was so hurt by this but let it be because I didn't want to create conflict.
Now my youngest daughter is 21 with a baby and living with me. I also have a boyfriend and he has two younger children eight and ten. I do not disaplin his kids only because when I do then his mother says I cant or he makes a big issue of it. So I leave that to him. Since I don't disaplin them and when they act up and ofcoarse I get irritated. So now my daughter is convinced and has said it to me that I just hate little kids. This is not true. I just hate conflict. Well my daughter now wants to move out because she does not seem to understand that I had to work but it seems ok when it comes to men living this type of lifestyle but a woman can't. Nobody seems to get it that I work 12 hours a day except on two days and those days I am either in school or I am studying so I can make my life better. I also seem to have the time to do all the cleaning and shopping for the household and even, when I can take care of some appointments for my grand daughter. I am at my wits end. any advice.

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i had a similar exsperience,when my ex and i split i was the one that left..and it was in jan so quite a bit of school left..the only thing that helped me was keeping very busy and seeing them whe ever i could,,

Melissa - posted on 04/05/2009

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Think as this is your time to improve your life. The kids live with their father and thats ok you are both their parents. Everyone looses when a family separates. Remember the kids have lost here too but it's not the end of the world just the beginning of a great new one. I have 3 kids and 2 of them live with their father. It is hard but I talk to them once a week and txt several times during that week. My oldest is 16 and the conversation is yep, na, ok, that does become painful but as long as i keep in contact and let them know i love them and i'm here for them then all is good. Myspace or Facebook is another great way to talk to them. Go and enjoy your life they will always be a part of it. You will always be their mother, they aren't on the streets or part of a wrong crowd. So go and get a hobby or enrol in a course, spend time with family and friends

Heather - posted on 04/05/2009

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surround yourself with family and friends and many activities. Activities you can, what I like to call "zone out on" I enjoy cross stitching, making wreaths and working on my doll houses. My boys use to spend every summer with their dad in another state. As long as I stayed active or "zoned" I felt as if time would go by faster. but i also spoke to my kids once a day. and hearing their voices made things easier as well.

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