my daughter

Bridget - posted on 12/02/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have 3 kids of mine I have a step daughter and a son I adopted and a grandson I have had since birth which belongs to my daughter that is 20 yr old she does not live with me I help her all the time if her car breaks my husband and I go right then n fix it she has no respect for me or anyone she is cussing me calling in text massage on fb I am at my breaking point I try talking to her but no good she hangs up I think drug are in her life but not for sure I let her get away with stealing 3000.00 thousands dollars out of my checking account my 18 yr old son told me last night I need to turn my back on her but as for me I love my daughter any mother will tell u its the hardest thing is to turn ur back on ur child

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Mommabird - posted on 12/02/2014

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Ive seen this situation before and I can imagine how you are feeling. You are only doing ONE thing wrong. Everything else i commend you for. You are taking full responsibility for her son and raising him by yourself, with no help from her. She should be thanking God for you. My mother LOVES her grandchildren to death but theres no way she would have the energy or the strength to raise one of them much less sit there and let me do NOTHING. You need to cut down on the 'help' you give her. Examples...why do you feel you have to fix her car anytime it breaks down? Is she driving her son anywhere in it? If not then its HER responsibility. Dont let her borrow money....your already supporting her son...she owes YOU money. The only thing you should be giving her is advice, rules, love, or a ride to rehab / counseling. I know you are afraid she will hate you. Trust me, it will pass. When shes thinking clearly and acting responsibly she will be thanking you for being such a great Mom! You're enabling her by letting her do this. Take the control back and make her earn her her right as a parent. Her son will thank you too :)

Laurie - posted on 12/02/2014

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This is a heartbreaking post! I hope you get all the help you need. I don't think you need to turn your back on your daughter, it is important to always be supportive of her. But, being supportive is not the same as looking the other way when she takes advantage of you or when she is hurting herself or others. Sometimes being supportive means finding a way to get her the help she needs, whether it is getting her into rehab or calling the cops and having her sit in a cell for a night. There is obviously a lesson about respect that she has forgotten somewhere along the way, and as hard as it may be for you to do it, allowing her to face the consequences of her actions does not mean that you love her any less.

Ev - posted on 12/02/2014

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Until then, Bridget, you might need to ignore her texts and calls until she gets the idea you are not putting up with her taunts. You would not be pushing out your daughter from your life. She needs to be held accountable for her actions is all I am saying.

Sarah - posted on 12/02/2014

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That is very sad, she is his mother after all and someday he's going to want to know what happened. Hopefully she can pull herself together and at least contribute to his well being.

Sarah - posted on 12/02/2014

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Your grandson is lucky to have you, you are is legal guardian? Is there a set visitation plan? If yes, does it say she can take him out unsupervised? If there is any current court involvement, now is the time to act. A judge can mandate a drug test, if she passes great, if not then at least you know what needs to happen next.
In the meantime, as hard as is may be, you have got to set some boundaries toprotect yourself emotionally and financially. If she does come to you for money, do NOT give her any. Also, if she is using drugs, hide your purse, checkbook, credit cards and jewelry whenever she is around. Addicts will do anything for the next fix.

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Bridget - posted on 12/02/2014

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the comments were very helpful and I want to thank you ladies for helping me out god bless Yal

Bridget - posted on 12/02/2014

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I wi ll ha ve to stand my ground with her she knows I have had breast cancer Lost all my hair I am not in the best HEALTH but I keep going

Bridget - posted on 12/02/2014

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T hank yal all for the great advice And they can't take my grandson anywhere Unless I'll prove it but they don't even call and check on him so I don't have to worry about that The last time she took Him she called me and told me He was being a F brat he is only one that's the last time I let her take them off by herself

Bridget - posted on 12/02/2014

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My grandson lives with me n his birthday is Dec 13 I have custody of him she don't call or text about him to see how you doing She only calls when she needs something or want to cuss somebody out she has no respect for me or nobody else I don't want to shut her out of my life I just don't know what else to do with her she said she is not on drugs but I've never seen her act this way but I had people to tell me that she isnow she don't want to come to her son's birthday party she wants to help him or herself for him and I don't want her to take him out by herself which I'm not scared of her I'm just sick of the way she's treating me

Sarah - posted on 12/02/2014

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If i stole 3000 dollars from my parents to use for drugs, they would have called the police. Better an angry daughter in jail or rehab than a dead one. Time for her to get her life together and stand on her own two feet.

Bridget - posted on 12/02/2014

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she was not raised like that and thank you for your opinion I needed to hear that

Ev - posted on 12/02/2014

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I am a mother of a daughter. But my daughter treats me with respect. I do not know why your daughter has done this or why she stole from you or what her raising is like but if she is treating you like dirt, why keep on taking it? Your 18 year old son has a point: Turn your back and ignore her. She is an adult. She is making these choices to treat you this way and I would not go bailing her out anymore. Also at some point, you need to tell her that until she can talk to you in a respectful manner, you do not want her calls or texts. Maybe once you have ignored her for a time she might see that she is not having the affects on you that she is now and start to change how she does treat you. If not there is not much you can do to get her to chang. She has to change herself.

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