My daughter and apparently myself may have Aspergers, looking for positive support.

Sonja - posted on 09/11/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi I'm new here. I found an article about possible Asperger symptoms and followed a link to this site. This particular conversation I would like to just ask for some positive feed back. When I took my daughter to see a therapist and described to him what we go through on a daily basis with myself and my daughter, I was expecting maybe ADHD but it didn't quite fit, neither did OCD so he said that it sounded like I who have been diagnosed with a lot of different things and my daughter should be tested for Asperger Syndrome. I've mentioned this to a couple people and they seem doubtful and was even told I'm just trying to label her and prove there's something wrong but I should just accept us for who we are and move on. I don't feel that I'm trying to make nothing into something though and I wasn't aware this Syndrome even existed, even if she doesn't turn out to have this Syndrome I will not stop trying to figure out how to help my daughter to live and learn the best way that I am able. Our parent interview with a clinical psychologist who specializes in Autistism spectrums is in a couple weeks and I'm nervous. I'm scared. I guess I'm even anxious to get it done so we know for sure and then frightened of what people will say after. My husband asked me not to go all google on this because I have a one tract mind and he's worried I'll take in too much and freak myself out. So support would be great and maybe some ideas on what to do with myself til our appointment. Thanks in advance.

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Ev - posted on 09/12/2013

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It just seemed to me from your post that it was very difficult for you and that is why I said the phrase it was not the end of the world. And just reading your post, that was what I got. I just wanted you to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you have not offended me in any way. I would be glad to hear from you from time to time to see how things go because like you, I want the best of life for my son and my daughter (my eldest). Its a hard path to go through where Autism is concerned because while they know a lot about it, there is so much more they do not know. And people who do not know much about it at all are not sure how to handle situations. I hope things work out well for you and your daughter.

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Ev - posted on 09/13/2013

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Just keep your head up and it will work itself out. I can understand what you are saying as I have been in a situation (not like this one) where I was at my wits end and did not know where to turn because frankly there was no where to go. No one understood where I was coming from at the time and I had to figure it out on my own. Even with a good support group behind you, sometimes they think they get it but they don't and their advice or suggestions are not always helpful. And sometimes it is just good to hear another voice at the end of the day no matter the advice or the topic of conversation.

Sonja - posted on 09/13/2013

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thank you Evelyn, I guess I can understand I came across that way from my frustration with my support system but I just feel a little more frustrated with the fact that I am just trying to do what's best for my daughter (also my oldest) and I'm getting negative reactions from people like I'm trying to make something there that isn't, ya know? I'm not a hypochondriac lol and my support system just seems to be letting me down a lil right now. Thank you for being straight with me, maybe I give other people the same impression and that's why I was told to just accept us for who we are but on here, if my daughter does have Aspergers I can tell people and they will be supportive and probably even give appropriate links to sites that can help, where as I'm afraid the people I actually live around will not be as understanding and may even think that I'm trying to excuse away behavior for my daughter. Fact is, I'm probably too hard on her because I don't understand why she does some of the things she does or how to deal with her low self asteem because I myself have always had low self esteem. And how do I help her make friends when I myself have social anxiety and am very shy. So I did what I thought was a good thing a reached for outside help and am doing everything I can. I just want to cry because my own sister can't seem to understand this. Of course when I ended up being diagnosed with bipolar 2 with an extreame anxiety disorder with ocd tendancies and was put on all kinds of medications I got kinda the same reaction. Maybe it's all in my head and I am worried about the end result. What if my daughter ends up feeling the same way? It's so frustrating when people think your just trying to have a reason to be a certain way. Anyways, thanks for letting me vent and I will keep you updated to how our appointments go. I was told the first appointment is an interview with my husband and I to discuss family history and what not and then another appointment the following week where we spend all day, possibly two, talking, hanging out, and examining my daughter's behavior. Very nervous.

Sonja - posted on 09/12/2013

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Thank you Evelyn for getting back to me. I am a worry wart and always have been. I'm not trying to explain away behavior, just trying to figure out why my daughter acts out for reasons she can't really explain, can't make friends her own age (her friends are the lunch lady and school councilor mostly), and though she's very intelligent, it's difficult to teach her, every school year since she was in kindergarden she has acted out at some time for things most people would consider no big deal so she's considered a drama queen but other things she doesn't react to (like jokes and sarcasm) and people think she's slow. I get frustrated with her myself and just wasn't sure where to go with her. I took parenting classes when she was younger so I learned different ways to work with her but as she gets older it becomes more difficult and she's extreamly stubborn. Initially I took her to therapy because I thought I was doing something wrong and that's why she goes through this behavior and I thought maybe she needed to talk with someone who asked the right questions and she didn't feel comfortable talking with me. Well, After weeks of seeing the therapist who helped my family in the past, we sat down and he drew a diagram of three disorders that are often misdiagnosed (i have been diagnosed with two of three on top of anxiety, social phobia, and some other things) and he explained a little about asperger syndrome and explained he thought we should both be tested and referred us to the dr we have an appointment with.

I don't understand how I gave the impression I think it's the end of the world? I know a little boy who has Autism and he's incredible. I understand Asperger's is a high functioning type of Autism and it doesn't change anything about either myself or my daughter, just the fact that if it is then I will have a more knowledgable way to learn how to teach my daughter in a way she'll remember things easier and be able to finish things (like school work) in a timely manner instead of her getting into trouble with her teachers because she isn't understanding their way of teaching. I just want to be able to understand her so we can know how she learns, what she needs from me. Even if she had absolutely nothing like this going on but was still acting out at school I would be doing the same thing, I as a parent need to know what's going on so I can prepare her for the best life I can. I believe some of my disorders are made worse because nobody realized what was going on with me until I was in my 20's, I still have anxiety attacks when put in any kind of unfamiliar situation, I'm anxious just typing this response, worried it's wrong somehow or I'll offend someone. I don't want my daughter to be afraid to leave her house at the age of 30 and still have a difficult time making friends.

Ev - posted on 09/11/2013

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Well, the internet is a given for information. But you can not always go one what all is posted up here. You need to go to places with .org or .gov in them. THey have to maintain an accurate and up to date set if information for consumers. Most other places are most likely not credible information or may have a little of the real stuff mixed in. I would go to that meeting and be very open minded about what you will find out. Do not dwell on this because it makes you a worry wart so to speak. If you and your daughter have some form of Autism its not the end of the world. There are places that can help you get through the initial bits and then once you have been educated about this more so and what can be done to help you and your daughter, it will be easier to deal with. I have a child that has a form of Autism and he is high functioning. I never use it as a crutch or to get things for him or me or to explain his behavior away. I have treated him as though it never was there as far as rules are concerned. I do make changes based on some of his needs though and to make it work in hour home. I look at it this way: My son sees the world with a different set of eyes and brain. He thinks very opposite of most people. He even makes me see things in a different light and its usually not a way I would see a situation normally. Maybe he is not the abnormal one...maybe I am.

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