My Daughter blames me for split with her Dad
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Ev - posted on 11/29/2014
Its hard for kids of any age to understand what causes splits between parents. Its all how it is handled by the parents that makes the difference to the kids but you have to expect kids to want to blame someone for what happened or to tell a parent that they hate them because it happened. Its a trial and error thing really. You just need to tell her the truth that things did not work with you and her dad and its not just one or the other's fault (unless there is cheating or abuse involved then those things do not need to be told to the child no matter their age), that a relationship takes two to make it work and somewhere it just did not work anymore and that sometimes its best this way. Tell her that it does not mean that her parents love her any less or that one parent loves her more than the other. Right now she is hurt because her whole world has been torn apart. She does not feel as secure as she did earlier on. Kids have this idea that in a family with both parents there that it won't fall apart...its secure that nothing can happen. Once it does happen, what they were used to and knew is never the same and causes them great struggle to deal with it. I know this from experience as my kids went through a divorce and custody at the ages of 12 and 5. The kids also hurt more than the adults do because they have no choice in the matter and can not tell their parents what to do about it. So this is not about you or her dad really its that she hurts even 4 years later. Some kids take it harder than others. You need family counseling.
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