Judy - posted on 10/13/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )
I am a 63 year old mother. My problem is I have guilty feelings and I cannot get rid of them, I let my daughter take advantage of me by always winds up living back with me. My daughter is 36 years old. She has been diagnosed as being Bipolar and co-dependent. She will meet a guy and when it does not work out she will move back in with me over and over again. She has been doing this now since for about 5 years. I have tried and tried to not let her move back in when she moves out and I always tell her Kim this is it If it does not work out you have to go to a shelter. What she will do is tell me they are arguing and ask to stayed the night and here we go again. She disrespects me smokes in my house and I have asked her I do not know how many times to not smoke and I come home and the apt smells like smoke. Everything I ask of her like pick up after herself or just anything I asked her to do she just ignores me. She is very manipulative and always finds away to get her way. My problem is I have guilty feelings I cannot seemed to get rid of. I sent her to live with her dad when she was around 3 years old. I was drinking and going out to bars and was not fit to take care of a child.You see I was an abused child my mother sent me and my sisters to live with my grandma who had remarried. Her husband sexually abused us. I really had no parenting skills and had emotional problems. I am very sorry for not raising her and I have apologized for my mistakes. I straightened my life out and got a good job. Her dad had moved his family including her to Florida. I was not able to travel to Florida at the time. So years went by without me seeing her. I would try to call but he and I would wind up arguing so I just did not call anymore. Finally I was working at this company who did credit checks. I had a friend of mine who worked there who found my ex husband by his social security number that I had given her. Kim was 10 by then. So I called him and he was so surprised and we argued of course but he did let me see her. So she came down just for the weekend. Which was really short but I had to work on Monday and she had to be back in school. When it was time to take her to the airport she got on her knees and begged me not to send her back. She began telling me that he was really mean to her. When she talked to much she said he would make her go to the dirty clothes and get a sock and stuff it in her mouth. Like put a sock in it. And she had lice at one time and he shaved her head. There were other things I cannot remember now but I had been from an abusive home and decided to not send her back. Big Big mistake. Now I have her for the rest of my life I feel like. Every time she gets out and comes back I do not have the courage to tell her no. All of my guilt feelings start coming back and I tell my self that I was a terrible mother and I owe her. I always think where is she gonna live if I don't let her come back.? I can't let her live in the streets. I feel that is where she would end up if I did not help her. Then I will think It is my fault because she has problems so I should take care of her. All of these guilt feelings come running through my head. So bottom line she winds up back living with me and takes advantage of my home and interrupts my personal space and piece of mind. My big question is does anyone know how can I get over this guilt feeling. Is there an answer. That one little word causes me all these problems. What if she winds up in the street. How is she gonna eat. Where will she sleep?. What if she gets killed.? I am really desperate. Can you give me any advice on what I can tell myself that will convince me it is okay to let her go. Cut that umbilical cord once and for all. Thank you.