My daughter does not give gifts I send to my grand_daughter. Is that legal?

Pat - posted on 11/17/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter has 'divorced' her family and stays in touch with a younger sister, on the condition they don't discuss family. Yes, it's heart_breaking, but I want to do everything I can to make sure my grand-daughter understands that we love her. What can I do?

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Mommyof3amazingboys - posted on 11/20/2014

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Why was your husband so mean? something isn't right if the other children didn't like your husband. Did he abuse them beat them or was he just strict?

Pat - posted on 11/19/2014

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Thanks Evelyn. I think I shall do what I was advised to do by the Mediation Service: they feel there would have to be very good reasons not to give some visitation rights to me since I have shown good intent, provide a home for a grand-child already ( aged 4) and was a registered as a Foster Mother in a formal life.
I know my daughter won't like that, which could mean a deeper rift between the two of us, but I really do believe that us grand-parents do have a lot to offer in the way of a foundation in life and family history.
Thank you for candid replies. Pat

Ev - posted on 11/18/2014

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Since you are over the pond as they like to call it, I am not sure what the laws there are about grandparent rights to see grandchildren. My advice as before, get a lawyer or solicitor and find out what the laws are. And depending on them, its not illegal to withhold a child from certain people if the parents seem set on it for whatever reasons there are.

Pat - posted on 11/18/2014

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Thank you ladies. Unfortunately, my daughter seemed to attract more than her fair share of difficult times , but together we managed to get her to the point when her first child was due to be born before she decided on her move. She took drugs, had an illicit relationship at University with a professor, became a lesbian, got into a dreadful situation with a heroin addict which meant she had to leave the country (England), so she and her then girl-friend moved to France near to me. previously, at aged 22 she had unwanted pregnancy, was late to detect it, and at 4 1/2 months I paid £6,500 to abort what would have been my first grand-child. Moving back to England, splitting with her girlfriend and having several more friendships, all of which girls were visitors in my home.
Throughout her pregnancy I had scan up-dates and little loving letters and reminders that I was going to be Grandma Hen ( my nick-name is Mother Hen), she dropped the bomb-shell on us all.
On my side, I made an unhappy liaison and subsequent marriage with a guy whom she did not like. My other two daughters struggled with him too in time ( we were married for 20 years) and she blames her problems on him.
However, she married without anyone at the church/reception etc. which was a cruel blow to her family. Her husband informed us that she was struggling with all of her relationship, not just her family. He called me to say she had thrown him out and reassured me he had a house she knew nothing of and would bring up heir daughter well. He then told my daughter ( according to a family friend) that I had contacted Social Services to try to get custody of her daughter as she had ben depressed during her teen-age years. Tommy rot!
I have taken legal dvice and joined the Grand-parents Association. I visited England regularly simply to have Mediation; she was invited by them to join in ( at a distance) but she refused.
I send cards, flowers, notes, Mothers' Day gifts, messages and e-mails. Never had a reply.
It hurts.
I am now moving back to England and will be living one hour from her.
What would you do?

Ev - posted on 11/18/2014

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I would have to agree with Jodi on this and you did not even say why she has decided not to allow the family around her and her daughter anymore but for that younger sister. As Jodi said its not illegal to say no to things because she is the mother of the child. Seek an lawyer that deals with family law in your state to find out the laws on grandparents' rights and how you might obtain some sort of visitation. Not all states recognize a grandparent's right to their grandchildren so do not be surprised if your state is one of them. Good luck.

Jodi - posted on 11/18/2014

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Well, it's not illegal. As long as the child is a minor, her mother can make decisions on her behalf, and if that includes not allowing her to have her mail, then she can.

You could check the grandparents rights where you live and see if you can apply for some form of visitation. But it will really depend a lot on the reasons why your daughter "divorced" the family in the first place.

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