My daughter doesn't go to her related services at school?

Vivian - posted on 01/13/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My now 15 year old daughter has an IEP for learning disability since kindergarten and has related services of speech, occupational therapy and counseling, but hasn't gone to any of these services since 8th grade. We tried punishment, bribes, forcing her to go (and receiving services outside school) but she resisted all attempts and just stays in her classroom or cafeteria, no matter how long staff persist. I mean literally she doesn't respond to any punishment, bribes, or rewards and resisted staff when they force her to go. She's now in 10th grade. So 2 months ago I and the school decided the services will take place in the classroom/ cafeteria where she is and she refused to comply and got really angry. Then we created a positive behavior support plan. Last week we took her to counseling (outside of school) to find out why she doesn't want to go and she said that these services are only for the ret***ed (I hate that word) and she is not ret***ed. She doesn't want to do it in a private setting because she is "not a re**rd" and feels she doesn't need the help. We told her that receiving services and having an IEP doesn't mean you're dumb and that smart students can receive receiving services and then she stated the contradictory. We have looked for signs of bullying throughout the years to make sure she wasn't bullied because of the services and we asked her countless times if she is being bullied because she receives services and she keeps insisting no one is bullying her. I or my husband or her sister don't single her out or bully her for receiving services. She never failed a class but the services are here to help her socially, with her handwriting and organization skills (she is disorganized and messy).

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Jennie - posted on 01/14/2016

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So hard for teens to see that we parents and the teachers don’t want to put them in a “box” (IEP/special education box) yet they and their peers see it that way. You are a very caring and loving parent to help her try to overcome some of what you see as some areas of growth for her in her schooling. My experience with my teens is that if I just gave up some battles for awhile, they sometimes feel more in control and that we are trying to understand their situation more and not trying to “control the situation” (as she might think). You seem like you want to help her and you understand that no one likes being singled out, especially for our “perceived” weak areas, ha, I know I don’t want that!!!
I like this website for help with my teens, it has been a great help for me and others. https://www.empoweringparents.com/blog/your-next-iep-your-child-obstacles-advocate-with-child/
I also read Losing Control and Liking it by Tim Sanford ----Great Read for parents of teens in several areas. http://files.tyndale.com/thpdata/FirstCh...
We all need support and confidence in our parenting, it is not easy !!!

Kate - posted on 01/13/2016

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I also stopped going to these services at her age. They are a waste of time and honestly, who wants to leave what they're doing with their friends to go to something for screwed up kids that regular kids don't need? It just makes you feel singled out. That's where your daughter likely gets the r word from. Also, at 15 she's old enough to decide that she doesn't want these services. She's passing her class. Being on track to graduation is more important at this point.

Raye - posted on 01/13/2016

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Has she been reevaluated to see if she still needs the services? I assume so, if teachers and the school are trying to accommodate and get her to comply? Intelligence has no bearing on disability or need. Even individuals with genius level IQs can have a disability that requires them to need special services. Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison are thought to have had learning disabilities, and I challenge anyone to claim that they were ret*rds. If your daughter were building a box, and she needed to put in some nails, she would probably use a hammer right? A hammer is a tool to build things. Her IEP services are tools to help her build her life skills. That's all.

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