My daughter had a bunch of people over when i was gone

Joanne - posted on 08/06/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




Hello i recently joined circle of mom because I've been having some issues with my oldest daughter Summer. She just turned 16, i went away for the night and came back early in the morning and i found beer cans everywhere and the house was destroyed. There was only suppose to be a couple of girls over but i came home to girls and guys in beds together. I went over and grabbed summer and took her to my room. I yelled at her and asked her what the hell happened and she replied with "I had a few friends over like you said" i grabbed her phone out of her hands and told her to kick everyone to get the fuck out. I was so angry with her that i ripped all her sheets off her bed and clothes from her drawers and told her to clean it and then i seen a condom wrapper as i walked out. As i was walking to the kitchen i seen throw up all over the kitchen floors and sink. I don't know how to deal with this and what the consequences should be someone help me please am i being to strict by taking her phone away for a month and making her earn her trust back with me.


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/07/2013




Um, IMO, leaving a 16 yo to their own devices, and then telling them they could have a couple of friends over...may not have been the best decision.

My kids weren't allowed to stay alone until the eldest was 17. It was also an emergency, and they had an adult checking on them while I was gone.

That being said: Appropriate punishment: Cleaning the house top to bottom till it SHINES. Work off any damages caused by her "friends" (Who, if they were really true friends, wouldn't have taken advantage of the situation). No phone, computer, etc for whatever period of time you deem appropriate.

And, making her put in some community service time either at a women's shelter or homeless shelter just as the icing on the cake. Oh, and no more "trusting" her to behave. She goes with you whether she likes it or not.

Good luck

Ev - posted on 08/07/2013




I have to agree with the two ladies here. Also you are not being too strict in taking her phone away for the month. At the same time you need to take all of her electronics away for a while and not allow her to use them until she can earn the trust to get them back. Then you need to sit her down and have a long talk about how while you were gone a lot of bad things could have happened such as fire, someone getting hurt etc. If there had been a fire and people got hurt or if someone just plain got hurt it would be on your head and you would have to pay for the hospital bills. Also if there were any violations that are charged it would be on you too. Also since you found beer cans there, if the cops had been called for noise issues and found that you would be liable for kids drinking underage. SHe needs to know this. Also she needs to know that letting unknown people in your house is also asking for it to be robbed. You could have come home to more than messes. And next time you have to go somewhere, if she has relatives close, I would have her stay there.

Jodi - posted on 08/07/2013




A very logical and natural consequence would have been for her to (1) clean up the mess, (2) pay for any damage, (3) grounded from spending time with her friends outside of school for some time, (4) never leaving her alone in the house again until you feel she is old enough to be responsible about it.

Sarah - posted on 08/06/2013




While you were gone was there an adult that was in charge? I personally would not leave any child under the age of 18 yrs old alone over night. Yes she might be 16, but as you have seen any teenager sees that as an opportunity. She should have not done what she did, but as a parent you also have to take responsibility in not doing your job either. A parent is a parent 24/7. If you can't be there then you must put someone in charge that can be and that person in charge needs to be an adult (not a 18 or 21 yr old adult either). I think this is a learning experience for the both of you. You both need to look at the things you are doing and where each one of you needs to improve.

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