My daughter has a four year old daughter that is in pre-school. She is learning to write her letters. She has one sheet of one letter to write for the whole week (3 days of school - 2.5 hrs per day). Anyhow I don't know what started first but Layna (the little one) hates homework and cries. Patti (Mom) gets frustrated and yells, threatens, hits, flicks her with her finger, did I memtion yell...only making the situation worse. 9:30 in the evening, Layna way past her bed time and Mom is yelling and carrying on, she is a perfectionist. I can hear Layna cry from 2 rooms away in the house and I can tell when she hit her or flicked her cause Layna cries differently and louder. I worry for Layna when they eventually move into a place of their own. We all live together now. Please help. What do you other Moms think. This is not once in a while it is everytime. Other things too, like putting a puzzle together, coloring anything.

Cindy - posted on 11/27/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter has a four year old daughter that is in pre-school. She is learning to write her letters. She has one sheet of one letter to write for the whole week (3 days of school - 2.5 hrs per day). Anyhow I don't know what started first but Layna (the little one) hates homework and cries. Patti (Mom) gets frustrated and yells, threatens, hits, flicks her with her finger, did I mention yell...only making the situation worse. Tonight it is 9:45 in the evening, Layna way past her bed time and Mom is yelling and carrying on, she is a perfectionist. I can hear Layna cry from 2 rooms away in the house and I can tell when she hit her or flicked her cause Layna cries differently and louder. I worry for Layna when they eventually move into a place of their own. We all live together now. This is not once in a while it is everytime homework is done. Other things too, like putting a puzzle together, coloring a picture, playing a game...anything.

Please help. What do you other Moms think?

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S. - posted on 11/28/2012

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Poor layna, sit the mum down and tell her that that she is being no better then the guy she left for being abusive, tell her she needs to calm down now because that child will grow up to not respect her but be afraid of her, this is your daughters problem she needs to learn to calm down. Ask her if she'd like to be flicked? Ask her if flicking and hitting gets her anywere? When she's trying to bully her daughter into doing homework. Ask her if school "encouraged" this way would it be ok? I'm sorry it makes me mad.

I don't think a child of that age NEEDS to be doing home work don't get me wrong my 4 year old gets home work and I have no problem with it (she likes doing it) but if she didn't I'd have her try then put it away. I do my daughters with her as soon as we come in from school fallowed by some praise, no child should be doing homework at 9: 45, no child should be yelled at for not been able to do it and especially not for doing jigsaws and colouring!

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Sarah - posted on 11/28/2012

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Are there parenting classes available in your area? I'm a parent educator and in my experience the frustration from the parent comes from having unrealistic expectations. Perhaps if she was aware of what is "normal" (and i use that word with Great Caution) for her child developmentally she would see that the child is performing the tasks at the best of her ability. Trying to get a 4 year old to complete something with the precision of a 10 year old is impossible!

S. - posted on 11/28/2012

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At 4 years old in the uk kids go to school, she started in September and gets homework most fridays and so far she has had the odd written one, like copying some letters but mostly it's draw a picture of what you did over the weekend or have a discussion with your child about being healthy then I would right what she knows. She gets a reding book nightly but she doesn't read every night. I don't mind a little bit of homework I think it sets them up for what's to come but if my child wasn't into it I wouldn't be pushing her, most certainly I wouldn't be flicking her.

Dove - posted on 11/28/2012

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My son has been in preschool for almost a year and a half now and has had 3 total sheets of 'homework'.... Nothing that had to be done and nothing that was returned. When his sisters were in preschool... the only 'homework' ever assigned was a family project. In my parenting experience... real homework doesn't start til Kindergarten. I would not be happy with weekly homework in preschool at all... and my kids are the ones that do that kind of stuff for FUN. lol

Cindy - posted on 11/27/2012

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Dove,

Thanks for the quick reply. Patti tells me I am a "coddling" grandmother. I posted to see what some other moms thought of the situation.

Do you think a page of writing one letter per week is too much for pre-school? She also does some of it at her babysitters and has no problem with it at all. Mom is not a monster...she definitely has anger and perfectionist issues.

I purposely walk into and be in the room when Mom is being like that. She tells me to leave and I tell her to knock it off. Mom has been in counseling for 2-3 years now(she left Layna's verbally abusive Dad 2 yrs ago) came back home to finish school and get on her feet financially. I don't know if she talks about parenting Layna to her counselor, I know she talks about her career future, men and at the time getting over Chris. I told her that talking about her constant yelling and irritation is an important thing to bring up!! As difficult as she is to get along with at times, sometimes I think they are still here with us for Layna's sake.

Prayers & Thanks

Dove - posted on 11/27/2012

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That poor kid needs a different preschool and a different mom. That poor baby! I don't know exactly what I would do if my child turned into such an abusive mother, but I would fight (not a physical fight) like crazy to protect that child.



Quite frankly, I think if it happens again (hopefully it's not STILL happening since you posted almost an hour ago) I would walk right into that room and tell your daughter to leave until she gets into parenting classes and learns how to treat a child.



That may not HELP the situation, but it's my initial reaction.

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