my daughter has a temper

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 11 year old has quite a temper and I'm not sure what to do. She goes to her dads every other weekend where the same behaviour occurs.both her dad and myself are having difficulty coping with her behaviour. She can switch from the sweetest child to demon child in a matter of seconds. She bottles a lot up and won't talk about what has set her off. Any tips on how to deal with her behaviour and on how to get her to talk?

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Lydia - posted on 02/27/2012

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Well you could try to let her express her anger in a non-damaging way in order to let that negative energy out, especially if she has it build up over time and doesn't know how to deal with all that emotional energy. It's hard to express yourself verbally if there is so much stored up.



She could hit an designated anger pillow, or tear old newspapers, go run... whatever works and is save and not hurting other people.



Than you could talk to her after she led it out. If she won't talk you could have her write it down. Than try to work out with her whatever it is that make her angry. It could really help if she feels you take her serious, but don't let her control your life. If it is reasonable and you can change something, do it. Find a compromise.



I don't think punishing her for temper tantrums would work for any good, because it is not dealing with the source of the problem and won't teach her how to handle her emotions. If it turns out that she is getting overly upset with no reason, than seek professional help.

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Nicole - posted on 02/27/2012

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And thank you ladies for your ideas and advice. Its funny, you know every parent goes through a lot of the same stuff but you still can feel so alone and desperate and helpless at times. I tell her I will always love her but might not like her behaviour. I'm just hoping these ideas will help if not I will seriously consider counselling, don't want her to grow up unable to express herself in a controlled manner.

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2012

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Teresa, you have my sympathy, I don't know how you cope! Haha I saw her after school again and had a little chat with her and suggested writing down her issues and using an anger pillow, see if that helps.

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Counseling is a great idea at any age if there are issues that someone is having trouble working through. Trying to get her to journal her feelings could also help her sort through her negative emotions BEFORE she reacts negatively.



Good luck! I've got twin 10 year old girls and the hormones and attitudes are raging in this house. Thankfully their behaviors aren't too bad, but those attitudes.... Sheesh!

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2012

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will def try the anger pillow idea, or something like that anyway, also like the writing it down idea, that's worth a go. I don't think I have been punishing her for expressing her feelings, just her methods and have explained it to her. Just this morning there was an issue at her dads and I had to have a word with her at school, she said she is stuipid for behaving the way she does, I told her she isn't stupid at all, but there are better ways to deal with her emotions. I think she is just at that age where she feels everyone is against her and the world is unfair. I have talked to her but get very little back, if anything so I think writing her feelingd down would help, also I advised her to count to 10 before saying stuff as she can be very spitefull with what she says.

Katherine - posted on 02/27/2012

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Then I think it's time for some counseling......maybe family therapy?

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2012

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I've tried talking to her, reasoning, grounding her, taking away privileges, rewarding good behaviour, all sorts

Katherine - posted on 02/27/2012

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Sure, why not? She can learn to deal with her hormones and instead of exploding learn how to talk to people. What have you tried so far?

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2012

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I have thought about it but is councelling appropriate if its just an age/hormone thing?

Katherine - posted on 02/27/2012

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Have you ever considered counseling for her? Maybe she'd be more akin to talk to a third party.....plus it would give her some coping skills.

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