my daughter has hee fathers last name and i want to change it!

Trinette - posted on 02/25/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I was supposed to be marrying my daughter's father. Once she was born and about 1 month old I found out that he payed someone to marry him for his citizenship (didn't even know he wasn't a citizen) and was feeding me lies about marriage the whole time I was pregnant and before I got pregnant. We talked about giving our children his last name since eventually I would have his name as well so I gave her his last name and then found out he was already married. I want to change her name to mine for that reason. Will he be able to fight it? Yes he signed the birth certificate but has not bought not one thing our baby needed and very rarely comes around. Baby is 3months. I would hate for her to have to grow up with that jerks last name. Also he got married while I was still pregnant but I never knew about it he did not tell me

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Ev - posted on 02/26/2015

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And that is the good thing about what you are doing. Even though right now he is not contributing very much to her care, upkeep, and seeing her like he should; he could turn around and want that in the future. It takes a strong woman to take care of her child on her own even though the father is ordered to pay support and has visitation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/26/2015

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Trinette, no one is saying don't do this. We're just saying, it's a legal process, it just doesn't happen because you ahve your attorney call the judge and ask for it.

If you want to do it, start by calling your state's department of vital records. They'll give you the steps to start.

However, we're also pointing out that you changing her last name doesn't change her DNA. The man will still have the right to petition custody/support/visitation, if he chooses, and will have the right to form a relationship with his child. You don't get to say that he cannot do so.

As far as his lack of support...if you've got support orders, ASK FOR ENFORCEMENT. If he's working, his wages can be docked. If he's an immigrant, his VISA status can be affected...

Also, remember that support and custody/visitation are separate issues in the courts, and they're treated as such.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/25/2015

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Just a quick FYI for all: If you are living in the US, being granted custody does not give one the right to arbitrarily change the child's name. Heck, even if the parents are still married, and they didn't catch the mistake on the BC in time, you still have to go through that court process.

I can understand the divorced/separated/unmarried folks having to do a legal process, but it was ridiculous to me that my husband and I (both bio parents to our sons) had to go through the fees and mess to amend our son's certificate to his correct name.

Anyhoo...Thought I'd put that out there, since it was news to me! I've since checked, and the law is the same in all 50 states. The process, I'm sure, differs from state to state, but the law is the same.

Raye - posted on 02/25/2015

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Naming both unmarried parents on the birth certificate ensures that they are both the legal parents. This will give each parent legal rights and responsibilities such as custody rights, visitation rights, and child support. That's a good thing. Most states allow any name to be placed on a child's birth certificate. This includes first, middle, and last names. If you want to change it shortly after birth, amend your child's birth certificate through your state's Bureau of Vital Statistics. They probably have rules about if you've waited too long and may have to pay to make the change. If you went to court and you were awarded custody, then you may not need the father's permission, but I don't know that for sure. He could still fight it.

In any event, you should go to court and have custody, visitation, and child support all set up to try to alleviate future legal issues.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/25/2015

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Yes, he will be able to fight it, and if DNA proves out, he probably will.

If you live in the US, a name change is a legal process. You will need to contact your local county authorities to get the instructions for your specific state, but in Wyoming, for example, one must file a petition with District Court for a name change. That filing will be published in the legal section of the local newspaper for 6 weeks to give anyone who has cause a chance to respond. If, in that time, a response to the petition is entered, the judge will review the petition, and the response, and make a legal decision, which could be to change the name, or not, depending on the response to the petition. If there is no response through legal channels, then the judge will review the petition and grant it.

If your child's biological father wishes to fight the change, he legally has the right to do so.

In regards to "Yes he signed the birth certificate but has not bought not one thing our baby needed and very rarely comes around": What are your court orders regarding support and custody/visitation? If you do not have orders, and her biological father chooses to remove her from your care, you have no legal standing other than your name on the birth certificate, which means its a huge court fight. It's better to have these things set out in court at the beginning, rather than after something goes wrong.

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Trinette - posted on 02/26/2015

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I understand. Just trying to prepare myself for the process. I'm still going to continue to update here so that anyone with a case similar to mine can read here for advice.

Trinette - posted on 02/26/2015

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No me and him never married just planned on building a relationship to get married but then I found out he was already married when my daughter was 7 weeks old. I can prove that since she was born he has only contributed a penny in her account, I have witnesses who will testify that he has only spent about 24hours of time total with her and that I am her primary caretaker, I arrange a babysitter while I work, he just put her on his insurance because he had too as court order. I can prove that he is not concerned about our child's well being because he has only showed up to 2 appointments and when our daughter was sick he was mad I wanted to take her to the ER. I know he has some rights but with everything I stated above I don't understand why they wouldn't grant the name change. Ok so he is the father but what else has he done to better her life so far? Nothing but insurance and a penny

Ev - posted on 02/26/2015

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I understand your frustration Trinette. I am sure there are a lot of women out there that have similar circumstances as yours. But at the same time this man is the father of that baby. I see name change questions on here a lot. It does not matter the sir name of the child. All that matters is that you at least are one of the parents that is involved in her life and is taking care of her needs. If the father does not want this he makes that choice. At the same time, he also needs to be allowed to have a relationship with his child too. Its not about you anymore but her. Your feelings have nothing to do with her relationship if any with the father. A judge is not going to take those feelings into consideration for any reasons that come to court be it custody, child support, visitation or even name changes. He or she is going to look at the facts only and decide from there. And from the process that others have posted, it looks like a long process that you have to go through. A question though, if he was married to you when he paid someone to marry him?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/26/2015

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Caroline, please create a separate post for your question, but no one is able to diagnose autism in your child. Please seek medical advice.

Caroline - posted on 02/26/2015

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can it be autism if the child has many of the qualities but has good eye contact?

Trinette - posted on 02/26/2015

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I am not saying that I hate him... Part of me still loves him but I hope soon those feelings will fade away. What I hate is how he used me. He wanted me to marry him and then wanted me to have his child. I thought it was for love but to find out 3 months after the birth of my baby that it was all a part of his scam angers me! I could get over it if it was just me... But he has included an innocent child in this scam and it is not right. My heart aches more for my child than myself. I filed the petition for a name change yesterday. So it is in the process. I just pray that everything works out for my daughter's sake.

Trinette - posted on 02/26/2015

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We have a child support case stating he is the legal father and the noncustodial parent and I am the custodial parent. Which means I have custody of my child right? I should not have to go to court for custody of it already started in the child support case that I'm the custodial parent. Besides, she resides with me and has been since birth. I have been providing for her, breastfeeding her, I have changed my entire life for my little girl and it brings tears to my eyes to have found out that her father used us as part of his scam to stay in the United states and for my daughter to have to grow up with his last name?? What will I tell her when she gets older and her father is not around? I say he won't be around because he may get deported or jail or maybe because in y daughter's 3months of life he has only seen her a total of maybe 24 hours. He knows nothing about our baby. When she cries he gives her to me and then leaves. I'm the one who's up in the middle of the night caring for her. He wouldn't know what sleep deprivation was because I am the one who is sleep deprived. If she has a doctor appointment I am the one who takes her. But I am afraid he will act like he cares to help his chances of being a citizen.

Ev - posted on 02/25/2015

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I agree with the others and just because you do not like the father has no bearing on name change or not. If you can not get it changed, you have to deal with it. I am sorry you got caught in something you did not know about.

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