My daughter has no friends

Samantha Jayne - posted on 04/16/2015 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I'm really worried about my 11 year old daughter as she has no real friends she spends a lot of time in her room and when she does go out she gets targeted by bullies as she is a very sensitive soul.. Can anyone give me any advice please??

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Trisha - posted on 04/16/2015

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Samantha, I think at this point the key would be to ensure that she has a strong self-esteem. That will help her cope with the people who make fun of her. Other than that... You are probably very lucky and have a girl who will be harder than others to bend to the pressures of peer pressure, as she doesn't seem to concerned about falling into the mold everyone else has for her.

Trisha - posted on 04/16/2015

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Samantha, your daughter could just be an introvert. I hated dances, and socializing... I was more content sitting in my room, drawing and listening to music.

There likely isn't anything wrong with your daughter... She just might not fit into the mold that you think she should. If she is a happy girl, then let her be her own person, unique.

My guess is that she would be a lot more into geeky type groups...which means she will still be made fun of...lol...:) But, she would at least feel accepted in a group like that...

Don't be surprised if she ends up hanging out with a buncha geeky kids, who dress in black all the time. She will likely be happier in that group, than in the groups that make fun of her.

Laura - posted on 04/17/2015

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Hi Samantha,

This sounds so much like me when I was her age! I understand your concern, but I'm sure this is something she will grow out of. I know I did! Kids are tougher than you think, and I honestly think my experiences with bullying made me a stronger person.

Is the bullying just in school? If so, try getting her involved with an outside of school activity where she can try and connect with other children. Art classes, sports, dance classes. Anything that will build her self-esteem while socializing her with other girls her age.

Good luck!

Ally - posted on 04/16/2015

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firstly am sorry your daughter has been a victims of bullying its not a nice feeling as a parent to have to encounter. secondly try talking with her finds out whats affecting her, may be its nothing and may be its everything. i would suggest a one and one chat to find out whats really going on with her.only then you would be able to know the source whats affecting her, or if she just a reserved one. however don't force it on her let her talk you listen. take her to a nice restaurant have lunch and a healthy chat. good luck

Sarah - posted on 04/16/2015

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Does she seem content? Or does she express the desire to have more friends and do more social activities? Trisha is correct that if she is happy with her solitude, then there is no problem to fix.

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Laura - posted on 04/21/2015

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Your little girl reminds me of a younger version of myself. I didn't have very many friends until high school (middle school was just awful!) I wasn't sporty, I liked to read, and I was a little overweight (not that I am saying your baby girl is!) I spent a lot of time with my parents, which is actually pretty cool. She sounds like she has an amazing heart and an amazing momma! I think she will turn out just fine ;)

Anni - posted on 04/20/2015

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i have a 4 year old that seems to have a problem making friends. He prefers to play alone and next to other children rather than with them. i was told to he will grow out of it - but i am starting to wonder if he will

Yvonne - posted on 04/19/2015

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I only had one or two friends when I was in elementary school. Everyone thought I was weird and teased me. I stayed inside and obsessively read books. I'm in college and most of my friends are online-I met them on message boards for tv shows I loved. I say leave her be unless she comes to you for advice on making friends.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2015

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Ignore the troll posts.
High school is a ways off for her. You said you tried a church group. Do you belong to a specific church? If so, reach out to the pastor or youth pastor; maybe they can help organize a small group of girls to meet her and get to know her. If you start small maybe she will not be intimidated or anxious. It just takes one friend to make a huge difference.

Samantha Jayne - posted on 04/19/2015

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Hi Ally, thanks for the reply yes I've been trying to make more us time as I work full time and feel guilty sometimes that we don't do enough together.. The bullying is mainly in our street after school and during holidays and it's by younger children too unfortunately I totally agree with you forcing the issue will not help.. I'm hoping things may change when she starts high school maybe find more like minded people

Samantha Jayne - posted on 04/19/2015

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Hi Trisha Lee, thanks for the reply I think you are right generally I just wish that she had one good friend.. As sometimes she says she is sad that she doesn't have one..she is very introverted though and will only do things on her own terms which makes things difficult..

Samantha Jayne - posted on 04/19/2015

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Hi Laura, thanks for the reply
Mostly she is happy doing her own thing but now and again she does express that she is sad that she doesn't have friends..

Samantha Jayne - posted on 04/16/2015

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Hi Trisha,

Thinking about it you are probably right.. She is mostly happy and content doing her own thing..she likes to listen to music on her kindle and be in her own little world..maybe I'm worrying too much just because she is different..maybe il just take a step back see what happens
Thanks for the good advice :)

Samantha Jayne - posted on 04/16/2015

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I have actually tried everything to get hey socialising dance groups, local church group friends children ect... She finds is really hard to make friends as she isn't very outgoing I have tried to encourage her but I can't force her... I have come here for advice not to be judged tbh

Samantha Jayne - posted on 04/16/2015

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She is into drawing she is very artistic and she loves music, it's just difficult as there arnt many clubs/ groups locally I will keep looking though thank you :)

Sarah - posted on 04/16/2015

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What sort of activities appeal to her? If she is into art, music, dance or whatever; find a class she can take and meet like minded peers. Not every child has loads of friends, but a few girls to support her would hep.

Ev - posted on 04/16/2015

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Why have you not tried to get her to get out of that room sooner and start to socialize with kids her age? What is she doing in her room all the timee?

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