My daughter has Sent nudes

Jessica - posted on 03/28/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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So my daughter has discovered her friend has been having under age sex, and wanted to report it the police because she thought it was right. Her friend found out and is threatening to share around her photos that they had on her phone(photos in her underwear). They used to be so close and they would send pictures like that for fun, just like all the other girls. I've told her never to do it again because she never knows who she's going to fall out withh and once she sends a picture, she has no control over it. My daughter is scared the whole school will see them and she'll get in legal trouble since she's on 14. But does it still count of they where only on her under wear and it was for fun, because, there would be no problem of it was in her swim suit.

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Sarah - posted on 03/28/2015

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The underage sex is not well defined. Is this a 14 year old having sex with a man over 21, or is it an older boy like 18? I don't know the laws for statutory rape in Ireland but in the US the 14 yo would not be in trouble, the adult partner would be the one charged. Also, if it is going around school, you can bet the teachers will get wind of it and they most likely are required by law to intervene. Your daughter should stay out of that issue, she told you and if you think a crime is occurring then either call the girl's parents or the police yourself.
Regarding the photos; if your daughter is wearing "provocative" clothing, it is subject to interpretation if it is pornographic or not. Obviously, whether her friends are doing it or not, it is not appropriate, nor what I consider normal teen behavior. Especially since those pictures can last forever and end up anywhere. Somewhere before age 14 these girls should have all learned about internet safety and protecting themselves. One picture can affect you ability to get into college, or get a job. No matter the intent when the photo was taken, it is there forever. If ALL of the girls took and sent pictures like this, then why would your daughter be the only one fearing her getting circulated?

Jessica - posted on 03/28/2015

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First of all I didn't know it was occurring. She has just recently told me about it and has showed me examples that it was completely normal for girls of her age (in Dublin anyway) to send pictures of themselves in little clothing while making a funny face. Of course I gave out to her about it, and she said she has learned her lesson and never to do it again. And she wanted to tell the police because it has been getting around school and she knew the teachers would find out, and she thought her ex- friend would be better off only the police knowing than the police and the teacher. But this friend knew my daughter knew the most about it, and this friend still has a lot of anger towards my daughter. Long story short, I'm scared my daughter will end up getting bullied, just because she was unlucky and these pictures got out to her peers.

Dove - posted on 03/28/2015

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Why did you not address the picture sending when it first occurred? That is completely inappropriate and was a behavior to address long before this 'falling out'. Not all girls are sending pics to their friends in their underwear... my teens send face selfies to their friends. They sent ONE picture of their faces and shoulders that looked like they were naked (had on swimwear) and I chewed them out about it explaining just how wrong it could be taken.

As for reporting her friend for underage sex.... Really? Reporting a teenager to the police for having sex (unless said teenager is having sex w/ an adult) is NOT the way to go about it. Does your daughter just want her friend to get in trouble... or does your daughter actually want to HELP her friend?

Being as she is 14 I'm really surprised you haven't fully covered these topics w/ her already.

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