my daughter has started her period help

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2012 ( 20 moms have responded )

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as stupid as this sounds i want her on the pill even thou shes only 11, 1 to help her regulate periods and 2 so when she does become sexually active were not faced with a unwanted pregnancy has anyone else tried to get there child the pill, as doctors refused to give it her this wk she isnt sexually active but things change overnight with young children who says she wont wake up 2moz thinking yes im ready and goes and does it without discussing it with me and suddenly faced with being a teenage mum i just couldnt live with myself if she threw her childhood away gggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr lost at what to do

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Krista - posted on 08/17/2012

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Elfrieda, your statement isn't completely accurate. The pill does slightly increase the risk of breast cancer and cervical cancer, but it also reduces the risk of ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer and bowel cancer. As well, numerous studies have proven that there is absolutely NO link between long-term pill use and a decrease in later fertility.

Krista - posted on 08/17/2012

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If she just started her period, then there probably isn't much need to regulate her cycles just yet. For the most part, they'll probably regulate just fine on their own. I can understand your concerns -- it seems like kids are having sex younger and younger -- and I admire you for not putting your head in the sand and saying, "My daughter would never do that!" However, 11 IS young, and I'd be reluctant to put her on artificial hormones when she's mid-puberty.

I think the key is to keep open communication with her. Keep talking with her -- not AT her, but ask her what she thinks of things. Open up dialogue and solicit her opinion on things like teenage pregnancy. If all else fails, show her pictures of STDs ...that'll turn her off of sex for awhile! I would say that once she starts showing more than a "innocent crush" kind of interest in boys (which is usually around 13 or so), then talk to her about birth control, saying that it is NOT a permission slip to have sex, but that if something does happen, or if heaven forbid, she is ever forced, then it won't have lifelong consequences. You may want to ask your doctor about an IUD when she is 13...they have 5-year ones, and she won't have to remember to take a pill every day.

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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The whole 'pill' concept appalls me.

I'm 16, not on the pill, and not a mother.

I think you should trust your daughter a little more.

I've never met her, so I don't know if she should be trusted, but my parents never had a sex talk with me, never put me on a pill, never even mentioned birth control as a period regulator, and I'm doing just fine.

I'm a virgin and don't plan on having sex until I'm married. My periods are regulated just fine. (A period is natural, and regulating it isn't up to you. It's up to nature. Countless women are not on the pill and their periods are regulated just fine.)

I honestly think human beings have no right to mess with their bodies in such drastic ways. I understand a Tylenol for the cramps, but birth control, especially at ELEVEN, is unnecessary.

Dove - posted on 08/17/2012

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The pill would only help prevent pregnancy. If she becomes sexually active she could still get an STD that could kill her.

FULL sex ed and lots of open, honest communication about sex, pregnancy, stds, birth control, etc.... would be a much better approach than to just put a CHILD on hormonal birth control 'just in case'.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/17/2012

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Personally I think it is way to young to put her on hormones. It is not necessary. Her body needs to regulate itself. She needs to keep growing and regulating on her own.

What I WOULD do is talk to her about her body, what is happening during her period, and talk to her about sex and condoms. Education comes first, not just prevention. Teach her to make smart choices. Also, the pill may protect her from unwanted pregnancies, but what good is that if she comes down with STD'S? Condoms condoms condoms. Talk with her, educate her. Deal with it instead of forcing her on meds that she does not need.

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Rachel - posted on 08/03/2013

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I havent had the "talk" and frankly i dont need it. With all the stuff on tv nowadays its all normal. I am a kid on this tho i share this acc with my mum. I grew up going out with my mum and watching her buy tampons im used to seeing them when i walk in the bathroom and it really annoys me when parents think kids dont KNOW anything or not much we know more than you think.

FoxyMom - posted on 12/26/2012

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I'd say too young as well. You have to give her body time to regulate on it's on. Your best approach is open communication. When I was that age I watched a video that showed a birth and that scared me so much I didn't have sex until I was in college.

FoxyMom - posted on 12/26/2012

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I'd say too young as well. You have to give her body time to regulate on it's on. Your best approach is open communication. When I was that age I watched a video that showed a birth and that scared me so much I didn't have sex until I was in college.

FoxyMom - posted on 12/26/2012

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I'd say too young as well. You have to give her body time to regulate on it's on. Your best approach is open communication. When I was that age I watched a video that showed a birth and that scared me so much I didn't have sex until I was in college.

Lauren - posted on 09/26/2012

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@Tawni - I just want to say YOU ARE AWESOME! Good for you for having your beliefs, working to stick to them, taking responsibility for your sister, recognizing the things that BC can do to your body. Ultimately, yes, not many teens are like you. Not many teens would step out and join a site like this to help raise a sister (my sister is 11 years younger, so I know how that is).



But...you represent many teens that DO choose to wait to have sex and/or have reasons for not wanting to use birth control. And that being said, our society doesn't put too much faith on the next generation. I really appreciate what you said about respect of oneself. I think this is something we need to teach more often, rather than simply shoving pills in young girls' faces. I understand people make decisions to use BC for their own reasons, and I don't want this comment to come across as just bashing BC because that is not my intent. But...I do believe we wouldn't have such a need for BC in the first place if we taught respect of one's body, sexuality, marriage and the nature of love in marriage in the first place.



I help plan a weekend event each year through our church, and each year, we have a talk that addresses sexuality in part of it--that your body is a temple...you carry God in it each week after Mass (we are Catholic, so we believe the bread and wine becomes the body and blood of Jesus). And that in marriage, sex is an awesome and wonderful thing--and has so much more power and intimacy when shared without limitation, without fear of "getting caught," with the willingness to have a child (even if you're not trying for one now), etc.



I hope in reading your post people will support the fact that you are one of many and that we should try to help each of the children and teens we come into contact with learn to embody that same ideal. Shove a BC pill at your daughter--sure, she MIGHT not get pregnant (they are NOT 100%), but her body will be functioning opposite of what it's supposed to do, could conceive a child and have it be "aborted" with her period after not being able to attach to her uterus lining (if you don't know that BC does this, look up "abortifacent"), she may have crazy side effects (PMS all month, anyone?), it could contribute to increased infertility later when she DOES want to have kids, and she'll feel like she can go have sex whenever she wants--"I have it, so why not?!?"



You are a great teen and will someday make a great mom. Please stay strong in your beliefs and continue to share them with your friends! I hope we can all support your ideals and show teens that they are strong, they can be great people without sex, and that they DESERVE the best intimacy possible!!!

Heidi - posted on 09/25/2012

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I am very very surprised that a doctor will not give her the pill because if she has her period she has all the right hormones so that it will not hurt her. i suggest getting a second opinion because u are right, hormones change everything!!!

April - posted on 09/24/2012

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Talk to her about sex and talk often.Not judgementally just open honest conversations.Her period will regulate on it's own eventually

Janey - posted on 09/18/2012

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She needs close supervision and a ton of extracurricular activities that don't give her time and circumstance to get sexually involved. Putting her on the pill sends the wrong message and exposes her to some health risks. Teenagers need almost as much supervision as toddlers. I'm not kidding. Just don't treat them like toddlers. Be smart about how you do it. Keep her busy in activities where there is adult supervision, like orchestra, school sports, a hobby with other families, your family activities, music practice, etc. No latch key kids if you can help it.

Angela - posted on 09/16/2012

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Sorry Michelle, 11 is way too young to be taking artificial hormones & chemicals into your body on a daily basis simply on a premise of "what if"?



Even if the Pill was 100% safe, do you think an 11 year old is going to keep her mouth shut about being on the Pill? Talking about it to her peers about it, male OR female isn't going to have "good results", trust me.



And yes, since you've already tried to get your doctor to prescribe her it, even though he refused, some of the damage may have already been done - assuming she was present when you had this chat with the doctor!!



Seriously, wanting to get her on the Pill at 11 is doing what you DON'T want for her - I quote:



"...... I just couldnt live with myself if she threw her childhood away ...."



So phone calls from the irate parents of other 11 year old girls who've repeated how their young schoolmate is on the Pill already won't bother you?



The reason that large numbers of young people are becoming parents whilst still in their teens, before they've even finished fulltime education isn't because their mothers didn't put them on the Pill. I even knew of one or two that became pregnant despite their mothers doing exactly this! Their wanted their own integrity over their own bodies, their own choices and suddenly, getting pregnant (when their neurotic mothers had them taking the Pill from the very onset of puberty) seemed very appealing!



No, the reason why a lot of young people become parents before they've finished school is that they weren't reliably informed about sex, maturity, contraception and choices. They don't get the sex talk from their own parents, or they get a sanitized, incomplete version of it; they listen instead to old wives' tales and inaccurate gossip from their peers; they don't have the self-esteem to say "no" in the first place when they're unsure; or, the self-esteem to insist on contraception being used when they're certain they'd like to go ahead; the boy(s) they have relationships with are very goal-orientated and just want to get down to it; they believe that 'everybody's doing it' and because their friend was OK without taking precautions, then the same must be true for themselves. They don't know that Family Planning Clinics have special sessions for young people where they'll be dealt with in a non-judgemental manner; no-one shares any of this information with them, their own parents haven't got a clue themselves!



Have the talk with her - do your homework first though. Everything you need to know is at your fingertips on the Web.



Good luck.

Tawni - posted on 08/24/2012

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I actually explained my reasons for being on this site in my profile. My parents are mostly at work so I need to take care of my younger sister, so she's basically like a daughter to me right now.

I am well aware some women have abnormal menstrual cycles, but that doesn't mean every woman does. My aunt actually takes hormones to correct her own cycle, but giving hormones to an 11 year old when you're not even sure she HAS a problem is completely different.

I'm certain my parents didn't just get 'lucky,' considering they never got the sex talk themselves, nor did their grandparents. My cousins didn't either.

Actually, we all found out about this here talk when we moved to America.

I'm not entirely sure what the 'talk' actually consists of.

If it's about self respect, then why do you need to talk to your kids about that? Shouldn't they already know that they need to respect themselves?

Krista - posted on 08/24/2012

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Um, Tawni. If you're not a mother, than pray tell...why are you on Circle of Moms?



And frankly, if your parents never had a sex talk with you, and you're still planning on waiting until marriage, then your parents got off EXTREMELY lucky. As well, the lack of sex ed in your family is demonstrated by the fact that you appear to be completely unaware that some women do have abnormal menstrual cycles.

Elfrieda - posted on 08/17/2012

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I think it would be better to talk about it with her, and since you're so worried, try imagining with her different futures for her life based on different choices she might make. Personally, I'd be worried about the increased risk of cancer or infertility that would come with so many years on the Pill. Because if she starts taking it when she's 12, probably she won't want to have children until at least 22 years old, so that's 10 years already! That's a really long time.

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2012

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She doesn't need the pill you need to sit down and have a talk with her about the realities about unwanted pregnancies and stds and give her the knowledge to make informed decisions. The doctors won't give her the pill because she is too young her body needs to learn how to regulate on it's own before medication is introduced. Not only that the pill does not guarantee no babies I know I was on the pill taking it religiously and still got pregnant don't give her a false sense of security, give her knowledge. For me getting pregnant was not an issue as I am in a committed relationship, we were just done having children she was a surprise that we all love, but still an unplanned surprise.

Louise - posted on 08/17/2012

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Dont force her to take the pill, it's not the answer. I started my periods at 10 and the first thing that was no my mind was ouch the pain not lets have sex! Talk to your daughter about relationships and contraception and the importance of self respect. Then when she becomes interested in boys again talk about self respect and waiting for the right fella. Then if you think things are more serious and she is likely to have sex then go back to the doctors and ask for the birth control pill. A doctor will not interfere with a childs hormones unless there is good reason. It is not good for her developing body to take these drugs so early in life.

You know your daughter better than anyone you will notice when she has fallen for a boy. This is the time to step in and advise not now.

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