My daughter hates school

Jean - posted on 03/16/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I do genuinely need everybody's comment /suggestion . My 18 year old daughter last night cried for almost an hour saying she hates school , it's too much , so many things to do , ....she cried and cried and again she said sorry that she's not good at her studies and promised make me proud in some other way .......it just kills me to see she's not happy . She is the most loving and caring person you can ever imagine ...but school seems to be her headache . She had to repeat grades like 9 and 11 because we had to move from one place to another and those schools make you repeat that particular grade ... We live countries apart because of my job ...but we communicate every single day . The last time her teachers complained , I asked them to be copied on every assignment so that I can at least give guidance , they haven't yet done that . School has never been the best place for her . She's too sensitive about every comment . She is more into music and design and loves to involve in humanitarian activities ..she loves to sing ....but she doesn't operate well in controlled environments like school . I love her so much and I would do anything just to make her happy and at peace . Please advice . Jean 2

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Robin - posted on 03/20/2015

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Momma Jean if you do pay for her education and she is hadn't shown any signs of intellectual gain then it's maybe time for you to take time out of your busy schedule go to her school. You can tell her before or after this is taken care of. Cause I do this myself and it works. Go to her school don't let her be with you go to the office ask the administrator or secretary for your daughters class schedule a map of the school and get a visitors pass and go on about your inquiries. No I don't know my son's teachers names but I have met them all. Just allow your self to find a way out of the hurt and worry state your in. Try something. Please.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/18/2015

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Part of her problem is that you are continually pulling her out of school after school in order to relocate her. Are all of these relocations necessary? Its a proven fact that kids who are continually relocated during their schooling will tend to do poorly compared to their peers.

As far as being copied on every little thing she's given..Your daughter is 18. If you want to see what she's being given, ask her to give you a copy. The teachers, at this point, cannot do so without her permission. She's an adult in the eyes of the law.

Also, if you are continually away (we live countries apart), then what is her LOCAL support system? Who is she living with, who does she turn to for day to day things? Perhaps THAT person should be stepping up a bit, since you seem to be 'countries away' all of the time.

Also, as Raye says, if the young lady cannot complete HS, how is she going to cope with reality?

Raye - posted on 03/18/2015

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Here in the USA, many employers will hire a college graduate over someone with only a High School education even when that person's studies had nothing to do with the field of work they're being hired for. You want to know why? They believe it shows you can stick-to something that is difficult and that you have a better chance of staying at that job for 3-5 years. It's costly to hire and train new people every 6 months or a year because they don't know how to cope with the pressures of a serious job.

If your daughter can't even finish High School because it's too much, then she's going to have an even harder time in the real world. She could luck into something artistic to do, but if she doesn't have basic smarts and skills, she will get taken advantage of by managers, talent agents, etc. She needs to buckle down and work at it and get through it. She needs to develop a little thicker skin so her emotions or other things don't get her sidetracked. Her future happiness may require her to experience a little unhappiness right now as she completes school.

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Jean - posted on 03/20/2015

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Thank you Shawnn .The relocations was due to missing her a lot and trying to have her somewhere where I can reach her and partly because I don't have that other person who will really take care of her . And yes that has affected her education tremendously . And to also make sure that she doesn't get exposed to bad habits or bad influences . some of my measures worked well . she grew up to be a very loving and caring person and more mature than many children her age . But education wise maybe not so much . She doesn't have that urge , easily gets frustrated and I totally blame myself for that.

Jean - posted on 03/20/2015

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Dear Robin ,with the little time I had ,I actually went to the school ,talked to the counselor and her two teachers who were not happy with her grades . One was very willing to support her , the other said she submits assignments late ,then I explained everything that she has migraine and was even admitted for a few hours , and said I want to support her . She tries to do her literature assignments honestly . Once they were told to write short story ,she stayed up all night and did it . I know she has a million weaknesses but I also believe that she could be a good writer with a little encouragement from her teachers . and just sit with her and tell her 'look this is what you have to do" instead of just giving her the result and just say 'Her knowledge in .....is superficial" ..that was one of the comments ...sorry for tiring you with this story ...

Jean - posted on 03/19/2015

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Thank you Ray and Robin , I do agree with you both . I think all this happens because I am only capable of loving . I then turn a soft heart into her emotional ups and downs partly because I blame myself for not being there . I moved her to four high schools because of my job . This is a good school but I don't know , she seems to hate it so much . Yesterday she told me she's afraid that she might not make it to college .
she lives with a housemate older than her , girl is working so she may not have time to get close and support her . I always believe that her teachers could use a little bit of encouragement ,I've seen the assignments given after a whole day at school . Not easy . But I wish they could use just a few nice words on her strength . She writes quite well , very good in developing stories , writes good poetry . Her happiness matters a lot . I am even thinking of bringing her back to live with me , no good education but she is the happiest when we are together . we are like sisters and best friends too . I have no access to tutors or any other extra support . The school is the only option and I actually pay in thousands ! I don't expect her to be a high achiever but at least I wish she says a few good things about what they've learnt ..instead of 'I think Mr. Chris hates me ! " ...that's her literature teacher I guess .

Robin - posted on 03/18/2015

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Hi Jean I meant pull her out of school and take her to the adult education center where they will have her finish her studies and graduate her without all the challenges high schoolers face. It's the GED program. But they also help students finish high school as well. Think about it look into it. Or help her by getting her a Tudor force her to get the work done graduate then she can relax. High school is alot of pressure but our children need a push now and then. :) I have a feeling you and her will be ok.

Jean - posted on 03/18/2015

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Thank you Robin , maybe I should pull her out of that school and take her back another school ?

Robin - posted on 03/17/2015

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Well mom if you want to really help her that bad you may be able to set her up in a general education center then pull out. She may possibly be able to finish her high school studies and even be able to walk. This is one way or you can try to remind her there is help out there, but she is the one that has to look for it. Peace Mom keep up the good work.

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