My daughter is 19 and bipolar and I am frazzledddd

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

Kate is 19..diagnosed as ADD in 2nd grade.Bipolar in 10th grade always had learning issues...school was always a struggle even though most times she liked going, at least till high school. Kate has the ability to just tune stuff out. She is 19, quit school because it was a trigger, she will not shower, brush her teeth, clean up after herself...she basically sits on her computer ALllllllll day and night..I beg,plead, yell,threaten, barter and bribe all to no avail. She has NO desire to finish school, go to college, get a job....or change her sheets. She is happiest in the same gross clothes..in the same gross room..I am just so tired of parenting..it feels as if I will never be done "raising" her...I have to make all her appointments..I have to tell her to take her medication..EVERY aspect of her life has to be supervised....I am just soooo tired and see no end in site...

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Ev - posted on 04/11/2016

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I do agree with Raye on her response. Even though bipolar is a mental issue and ADD or ADHD is also another disorder, they are not good enough reasons to not get the child to do things. You have to find ways to get them to do things for themselves that works for them. It also takes some sort of discipline routine.

Raye - posted on 04/11/2016

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Even if people are diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, Bi-polar, etc. those are behavioral issues that may make things harder, but they still need to learn right and wrong and follow rules or else have consequences. You mention all the stuff you do (yell, threaten, bribe) but what actual discipline have you given? What consequences have you actually stuck to, to get her to change? She apparently still has access to the computer. How else are you enabling her behavior?

At this point she's an adult, but you're continuing to treat her as a helpless child. You are supervising her life and cleaning up after her because you want to. Why should she remember her medication if you do it for her? Why should she get off the computer if you allow her to stay on it? You need to start making her accountable for her actions, and have consequences for her. Stop feeling sorry for her because of her diagnoses and start teaching how to cope with the real world. You can help her by making her more self sufficient. She can probably do everything you're doing for her and more, but you haven't forced her to take responsibility.

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Raye - posted on 04/11/2016

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My husband's ex is bi-polar, and everyone seems to pussy-foot around her and make excuses for her and nobody makes her accountable. So why should she get better? Why should she step-up, get back on her meds, and be a responsible parent for her kids? She has absolutely no reason to. She feels she's coping because no one brings it to her attention how badly she's failing at motherhood. She has brief moments where she knows she's "off" but not enough for her to get real help and treatment.

The approach may need to be different, but it's within the capabilities of people with these disabilities to LEARN and to be responsible people.

[deleted account]

You know what,,,YOU are the reason I stay out out of support groups...because they seldom offer "support"..but most often finger pointing and judgment... HOW DARE YOU TELL ME...ME...ABOUT MY LIFE..HOW DARE YOU....you have NOOOOOO idea of the struggles my husband and I have sustained...and yes we have disciplined...and grounded and punished...BIG SURPRISE...she is bipolar and that doesn't work....You, maam...can go straight to hell....or the rock you climbed out from... which ever iscloser....and just in case I somehow managed not to make my point...shame on you and YOU suck !!!!

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