my daughter is 9 and she drives me crazy at times she behaves like she is 5 and she does things to annoy me like put clothes on the floor, make mess and dont clean after, very lazy, cries for everything and does not like to do her school work any suggestions on how i should deal with her in a civilized manner without me losing my sanity
Ariana - posted on 11/07/2012
If she leave clothes on the floor I would tell her that any clothes left on the floor by this time (6pm or w/e) will be taken away and she'll stop putting clothes on the floor once her favourite shirt is missing. You can always keep the shirt (or w/e) until she's consistantly picked her clothes off the ground for a week or two. If she makes a mess and refuses to clean it up just walk away but when she comes to you to ask for something (can we go out/can I have this/can we do this etc.) tell her yes, as soon as you've cleaned up your mess over there.
For school work you should set a designated time when she's responsible for doing the work. For example from 5:00pm to 6:00pm she will work on her school work. If she is having trouble with it you might want to hire her a tutor to help her, even a high school student might be good. Or if you have any family members (aunt, cousin etc.) who can help her with the work a couple times a week. I say this because it is so hard for a parent to force their kids to do work but for some reason when you bring someone else in it tends to work a lot better.
You need to stay civilized to show but also show her you aren't going to take this behavior any longer. Try to find natural consequences to things if you can. So if she makes a mess she has to clean it up before she's allowed to do anything else. Ignore her if she's crying for something.
Good luck to you!
Mardi - posted on 11/05/2012
Calmness and consistancy is the key here......she is probably prepubesent, so you could even chart her moods,
My youngest was always 'doing my head in'., she used to build up to a huge argument every sunday, once we saw the pattern, we tried to change it/wouldn't engage at those times, cant say they eased off much, but we woke up and didn't get roped into it all.
At 9 they seem to be at the start of seeing the world is a bigger place and between curiosity and fear, us as parents cop the brunt of it.
Get a calm tone and use it every time she goes there, starts sooking, make her responsible for her feelings/actions/outbursts, hormones may be behind them, but she will have to live with them for hte next 40 or 50 yrs
Marcia - posted on 11/05/2012
Christy you could have a point with her looking for attention from me since I'm not around her most of the time also her father is never around too. I'm trying to spend the time with her but when I do she drives me crazy and i have to shout at her most of the times. I would try the chore chart though any other recommendations would be greatly appreciated
Cmoline32 - posted on 11/05/2012
Have you tried a chore chart with rewards (tv time, computer time, friends visit, etc)? This might help with her cleaning up her messes, putting clothes away, doing homework, etc. She is also still young enough to be craving your attention, even if it's negative. Is she possibly acting out because she wants you to pay attention to her? Homework should be done as soon as possible after they get home from school, that way they are still somewhat in the school mode. Nothing fun until homework is done!
Belinda - posted on 11/05/2012
Hi there, i have a 9 year old daughter, who doe's the same thing, she is a sook alot of the time's for really no apparent reason, also very lazy, she will make alot of mess and when it come's to cleaning up, she is like my foot hurt's or her back exc...... drive's me nutter's, im with you on this one would like some suggestions on how to deal or even hoow i can get her to stop being so sooky and lazy :)
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