My daughter is an extreme narcsissist

Susan - posted on 09/27/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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The level of disrespect our 18 year old daughter showers upon us is heartbreaking and undeserved. She was always a good student and outwardly "ok" however, at home she has always been very difficult. Now that she is legal age, she is worse than ever. I understand that every teenager "breaks away" at some point but what she is doing is cruel and deliberately deceitful and manipulative. It is so puzzling to see because I know full well the caring, loving family we have always been and the life she has had. My health is suffering as a result of the stress and I wish she had another place to live. I pray every day and feel as though I live with some sort of con artist who is hell bent on emotionally destroying me.

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Meg - posted on 09/28/2016

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Dear Susan,

Relationships with adult children are challenging. They are finding that they have more decision making power in their relationships, and less people to hold them accountable with consequences that are tangible. However, now they need to learn that simply because there are no seemingly "immediate" repercussions for their choices (like grounding them), does not mean that there are not any changes.

Adults have to learn to live with their choices, and their natural resulting consequences. So, if your daughter has been raised well, she can still make ill advised choices as she tests the waters of life. It sounds like she needs some time in the real world, beyond her immediate family's protection/provision for her, to learn some life lessons in reality. In other words, let her explore life alone and she what she does with it. Chances are she will come to the realization that she has a good family, and that she just didn't realize it at the time because she had nothing (no other life experience) to really compare it to.

As adults you can still be friends as she walks through life. It just may take a while for that new relationship to manifest itself. So, let her explore her world by getting a job, paying her own bills, moving into her own place, and taking responsibility for her own choices. After all, this is what you and your husband have been training her for, right? Let the "school of life" educate her. You have done your part. Now trust her to God. You can do this! It will be healthier for you and your daughter all around. :)

Blessings and Peace friend!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/27/2016

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Well now that she is an adult, you can ask her to leave. I do have to wonder, though, if she has always been "very difficult", what were her consequences growing up?

Jodi - posted on 09/27/2016

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So ask her to leave. She's an adult. You don't have to put up with her being a selfish brat.

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