my daughter is avoiding me since i left my husband

Kelly - posted on 05/20/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I recently left my husband of almost 20yrs married and 2 children together and 2 step children for me. My daughter is and 18yr old mom living with her boyfriend at his moms ( which i did not agree ) my so 16yr is with me. There are many reasons why our marriage didn't work and i feel i put all into it but he only gives 20% but work and booze get 150%.....my childrenhave seen this over the past few years. I am not saying i don't take any blame cause i haven't been the perfect wife but have self least i try. since i left my daughter has listened to my husband vent and believes all he is saying and she is not asking for my side. she will not sit down with me so we can chat. the girl i called my best friend is nowy husbands friend and she has pushed her way into my daughters life taking over my role as grandmother to my granddaughter. this is killing me inside but i don't know what to do.....i feel the one who was my best friend purged her way into my life so she could have my family and influenced my daughter terribly. now they are so called best friends which i think is so weird. anyone with any advise?????

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/20/2013

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She might not actually believe the negative things her father says about you to her, but she might feel she has to blame someone for the dissolution of the marriage and unfortunately it's you she's blaming. I was young when my parents split but I refused to see my dad for 3 months bc I was so angry and my anger got directed at him. I know now my mom was the one who didn't want to be married for selfish reasons , but unfortunately my dad got it taken out on him .

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/20/2013

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First of all you can't blame yourself for refusing to be in a marriage where your husband wasn't putting in any effort. You can't live your life based on what your grown children think you should do. Its probably hard on her considering her family is not together and even though she's an adult she's struggling. She has a child of Her own now so she can understand how heart broken she would be if that child did to her what she is doing to you. I would explain this to her and hopefully she is mature enough to sympathize. I would Just keep loving her and tell her you'll always be there no matter What. I would never try and explain " your side of things" when ur comes to why the marriage dissolved. Girls tend to be " daddy's little angels" and she will probably only pull away more if she hears you talking negatively about her dad. Explain to her that your grand child is extremely important to you and it's unfair to the child for her to keep a loving grandma out of touch. I honestly think she will realize what she is missing by pushing you away especially since you said you had a great relationship. I wish you the best and let her know your always there with open arms when she's ready to start repairing your relationship

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Kelly - posted on 05/20/2013

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You could very well be right Danielle....im sorry you toil had to go through that so young. It sure is something i prayed my children would ever have to experience but i could not love in the marriage the way it was either. I pray every day that things will get better. I don't know how much to contact my daughter. I don't want to be over bearing but im afraid to loose her and to know im hear when she is ready....so so hard

Kelly - posted on 05/20/2013

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Thank you....i do not share my marriage problems with my children as i agree it is none of their business...i only wish my daughter would stop her father when he starts and tell him its between us and if she believes what he is saying i would rather her talk to me about it rather that just believe what is being said. I do miss her and my granddaughter greatly and I don't think she realizes the hurt she is causing. I wish the kids didn't have to suffer so much. I want them to have a relationship with me and their father and Ido my best as to never speak badly of him in front of them i only wish he could do the same.....thanks for sharing your opinions

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/20/2013

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Well, the kids should not be in any part of your divorce/seperation. It is really non of their business. Keep it simple. I know they are not toddlers, but still. Build your relationship with your daughter having nothing to do with you leaving your husband. Maybe she just doesn't want to hear it.

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