My daughter is doing something wierd...

Hannah - posted on 11/27/2009 ( 68 moms have responded )

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She is 16 months old and she has recently started doing this wierd thing, I wanted to ask for opinions on it. She will lay down, sort of on her side, or on her tummy, cross her legs and sort of strain and stck her legs way out with her hand down by her peepee (she has a diaper on)...Its wierd....I have been trying to distract her from doing it. If she has something else to do she wont do it. But she does it sort of often. I dont tell her its yucky or "no dont do that" but what should I think/do?

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Betsy - posted on 11/30/2009

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Quoting Angie:



Quoting Brittany:

My daughter is almost 5 months and when i go to change her she reaches down there to 'feel' whats under her diaper, i just move her hands out of the way and tell her that we dont touch down there. I dont believe that you should let a child touch themselves like that, I see it as disgusting. My neice grabs for her diaper when she goes potty in her diaper, but thats about it and shes two. I would say that its up to you personally if you want your child to touch themselves or not....I disagree with the other moms and think its gross!






Brittany,






Unlike the other mom I don't think you have a problem.  I also don't think your daughter's behavior is gross. I do however think it's important from a young age to teach our children that just be cause if "feels good" doesn't make it okay.  Our society is so messed up because adults haven't taught their children self restraint.  I agree with you, it's not an appropriate behavior for a child.  I don't allow my children to play with themselves either!






Actually a huge problem in society, especially with women, is they were told touching or looking at their own bodies was bad. Many women have issues as adults due to this. Some go out and do the opposite, becoming promiscuous, not even feeling that they own that part of themselves, while way too many women can't even name the parts of their own genitalia or have a satisfying experience with their husbands not understanding how their own bodies work or feeling ashamed, nevermind not knowing their own bodies to know if something changes and is a medical issue. This has been proven repeatedly to be a direct consequence from them being taught as children that that part of their bodies were "icky" and their parents passing on their own feeling of being uncomfortable with natural sexuality.



 



As toddlers, they are being completely natural in discovering themselves, just as they do with their feet when they find them at 4 mo. Like other moms said, yes, if they do this in public, it should be explained it is private and shouldn't be done in front of others, but a healthy view should be passed on. As they get older, you want them to not view themselves or feelings they have as bad or gross, but rather empower them to have a self-confidence, pride and ownership of their bodies. It's no secret...an insecure teen girl who is uncomfortable and shameful about her body is more likely to not respect it enough and be taken advantage of than a strong, confident young woman who knows her body and respects it, not wanting to just give it away to the first boy who says a nice word. She's empowered and doesn't seek or need attention that badly. Those lessons become ingrained from what they sense from us from birth.

Tina - posted on 11/30/2009

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Thats the best thing to do is what you are doing either ignore it or try to distract her with something else... Its very normal if that is what you are asking... I have 4 girls & only one out of 4 went through it & she still does occasionally and she is 7 now... She lays down on the floor couch bed etc, on her stomach and wiggles back & forth with her hands between her legs... The very first time we caught her we asked her what she was doing & she said she was wiggly like a snake LOL Then we asked her why she does it & she said it tickles her tushy LOL...Now we tell her if she needs to do that to go in her bedroom noone wants to see her doing that :) Its not an abnormal thing,but I do agree it makes you feel wierd about it.. If she continues with it when she gets older just have her go to her room to do it..

Sharina - posted on 11/28/2009

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Brittany, you are definitely entitled to your opinion, however, you may have some underlying psychological issues.

Laura - posted on 11/27/2009

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Quoting Shamiela:

My 2 year old has been doing it and even does it in front of other people which i find very disturbing i have constantly tried to talk her out of doing it and telling her its a ugly thing to do but as joy said it is curiosity that does it all and i have decided not to tell her anything cause she is eventually gonna get bored of it.



you should not tell you daughter this, it will make her insecure and ashamed of her body, you need to explain to her that it's a normal thing and a private thing thats should be done when she's in bed alone! It's very wrong to tell her it's ugly or disturbing, you could scar her for life. as for distracting her from doing thats all good, that will help her realize that it's not something you do infront of other people, and if it works even better! good luck!!!

Hayley - posted on 01/26/2013

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My son will touch his as well, I think they're just curious and they think it feels funny. They're still innocent and have no idea what it is! and my son is only two months older than your daughter.
She's young, she doesn't know, it's okay. Kids are curious. Plus, if she does continue to do it, you can ask her why once she's old enough to talk!

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Constance - posted on 02/19/2014

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have any of you mother been sexually molested just curious as to the comments that exploring your private parts is disgusting and wrong hmmmm makes me wonder cause its perfectly normal for your children to explore themselves... You shouldnt be making them feel shame for something thats perfectly normal.... Now if your child is older and continues playing with their potty that is a sign they are being molested just so you know not to rule out that possiblility a child older than 2 and 1/2 to three should not be playing with her potty constantly

Jerry Jane - posted on 01/26/2013

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wow! now I know; my husband asked me what she was doing and I looked at him and I said; "honestly...I think she's masturbating". He doesn't think its physically possible but I strain my legs during sex myself so I know its possible. She is now 3 years old so I hope she grows out of this soon before she starts school in August.

Amanda - posted on 11/06/2012

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My daughter is doing something similar. She crosses her ankles and strains...almost "humps" (for lack of a better word) the floor. She doesn't put her hand(s) down her diaper. She gets red and sweaty and hot to the touch, no fever. She has always crossed her legs since birth and has done this since about 6 months old (she's 14 months now). Recently, she started doing it almost hourly. In the middle of playing she'll just lay down and start doing it, never for more than a minute or so. She doesn't get easily distracted from it, but she is aware and alert during these episodes. My mother in law and I were thinking maybe it's a comfort habit or a stress reliever but she's been doing it more and more as of late and it's starting to become worrysome.

Sharina - posted on 04/25/2012

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I definitely wouldn't tell her no or yucky. She is just figuring out what feels good and how her body works. We all did the same thing. My recommendation is that if she starts to do it, simply put her in her crib or private, quiet spot and leave her alone. When she gets bored, she will let you know. When she learns how to talk more, tell her that is something we do in private. Believe me, this is completely normal.

Nicole - posted on 02/24/2012

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I used to do that when I was a baby except my hands never went down my diaper or pants. the thigh thing is really much more common than people think.

Elizabeth Lynn - posted on 12/06/2009

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Yes I agree with most of the reply,s it is just a child being curious about thier body. but left unchecked could lead to the child feeling free to fondle themselves at school, which could be unacceptable to staff and other parents. not nice!

Talia - posted on 12/05/2009

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also possibly - she may be starting to notice when she has to go peepee or has realised she doesn't like wet diapers. My daughter wanted to start training at 18 mths so this might not be so far off!

Hannah - posted on 11/30/2009

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Quoting Angie:



Quoting Brittany:

My daughter is almost 5 months and when i go to change her she reaches down there to 'feel' whats under her diaper, i just move her hands out of the way and tell her that we dont touch down there. I dont believe that you should let a child touch themselves like that, I see it as disgusting. My neice grabs for her diaper when she goes potty in her diaper, but thats about it and shes two. I would say that its up to you personally if you want your child to touch themselves or not....I disagree with the other moms and think its gross!






Brittany,






Unlike the other mom I don't think you have a problem.  I also don't think your daughter's behavior is gross. I do however think it's important from a young age to teach our children that just be cause if "feels good" doesn't make it okay.  Our society is so messed up because adults haven't taught their children self restraint.  I agree with you, it's not an appropriate behavior for a child.  I don't allow my children to play with themselves either!





I don't want to teach my daughter that her bottom is yucky. I want her to be comfortable with her body so she can value herself. I was taught my vagina and volva  were just other parts of my body. and that my body is a good, clean, beautiful thing. "self restraint" is very important to learn. But as babies i think that it is very important to be able to touch themselves and learn about their new parts. My confusion was more what she was doing, it seems that most mamas agree she is just exploring new parts. If she is 10 and still openly groping herself then that will be a problem. But she is a baby!

Jennifer - posted on 11/30/2009

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Quoting Laura:



Quoting Shamiela:

My 2 year old has been doing it and even does it in front of other people which i find very disturbing i have constantly tried to talk her out of doing it and telling her its a ugly thing to do but as joy said it is curiosity that does it all and i have decided not to tell her anything cause she is eventually gonna get bored of it.






you should not tell you daughter this, it will make her insecure and ashamed of her body, you need to explain to her that it's a normal thing and a private thing thats should be done when she's in bed alone! It's very wrong to tell her it's ugly or disturbing, you could scar her for life. as for distracting her from doing thats all good, that will help her realize that it's not something you do infront of other people, and if it works even better! good luck!!!






Well, perhaps when Shamiela says "ugly", she means "not for company." I tell both my kids that it's fine to explore their bodies and what feels good, but it's not for other people. "That's just for you," I tell them.  Nevertheless, my six-year-old son thinks his penis is the most amazing wonderful toy ever invented, and loves running around naked as a jaybird. lol  We sigh, and I just remind him, "You know not to do that in front of people, right?"  He says, "Oh, I know." He just seems not to consider his family "people." Particularly as he bathes with his sister.  Nothing he's doing is wildly inappropriate, though, so I don't worry about it. In fact, I remember mentioning to a bunch of men once how it's his favorite toy, and goes with him everywhere, and they all chuckled and one said, "Yeah, you never really lose that." lol

Gina - posted on 11/30/2009

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i really dont think it's a big deal. she is still young and just being curious..

Clendelyn - posted on 11/30/2009

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nothing wrong with it my cousin did the same,, they are just curious. but trust mme they will grow out of it.

Angie - posted on 11/30/2009

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Quoting Brittany:

My daughter is almost 5 months and when i go to change her she reaches down there to 'feel' whats under her diaper, i just move her hands out of the way and tell her that we dont touch down there. I dont believe that you should let a child touch themselves like that, I see it as disgusting. My neice grabs for her diaper when she goes potty in her diaper, but thats about it and shes two. I would say that its up to you personally if you want your child to touch themselves or not....I disagree with the other moms and think its gross!



Brittany,



Unlike the other mom I don't think you have a problem.  I also don't think your daughter's behavior is gross. I do however think it's important from a young age to teach our children that just be cause if "feels good" doesn't make it okay.  Our society is so messed up because adults haven't taught their children self restraint.  I agree with you, it's not an appropriate behavior for a child.  I don't allow my children to play with themselves either!

April - posted on 11/30/2009

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I would check with her doctor. I don't want to scare you but my daughter has seizures and she seems like she is aware of whats going on around her yet she is having a complex partial seizure. So if it is more about he peepee area then I dont think you need to worry but the legs stiffening and and her laying on her side or tummy would concern me. I hope that is not the case but seizures can be missed diagnosed they are not always what most people think of the when they hear seizures. Good luck!!

PAM - posted on 11/30/2009

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It sounds like she might be in pain (stomach or crotch area). Make sure she gets enough water & stay away from milk & juice for a while. See if that helps.

Tam - posted on 11/30/2009

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Seems from reading all the posts that the diaper is part of the issue. Maybe it's time to move to big girls panties and see if the stimulous disappears.

Susie - posted on 11/30/2009

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my daughter is 2-1/2 and when we're at home she rarely keeps her clothes on. When she first started to noticably explore her body I was moping the floor and I stopped for a moment to think what I should do in this situation. My daughter looked up at me and quickly let me know what i should do. She said "mummy don't watch me keep mopping the floor" so I did. A few weeks later with her hands once again exploring she announced "there's something in my bum- she had found her vagina and is still discovering how her whole body works. Happy exploring!

Julie-Ann - posted on 11/29/2009

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Sometimes it is normal, but I will still keep a close watch. Make sure she's not learning that from someone, or maybe the television. Kid often imitate what they see other people doing.

Natalie - posted on 11/29/2009

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Quoting Hannah:

My daughter is doing something wierd...

She is 16 months old and she has recently started doing this wierd thing, I wanted to ask for opinions on it. She will lay down, sort of on her side, or on her tummy, cross her legs and sort of strain and stck her legs way out with her hand down by her peepee (she has a diaper on)...Its wierd....I have been trying to distract her from doing it. If she has something else to do she wont do it. But she does it sort of often. I dont tell her its yucky or "no dont do that" but what should I think/do?



early masturbation is a normal thing, and just needs to be kept private. your daughter can learn about her body and will grow ut of this phase about 4yrs old. teacher it is ok but to do it in private i.e her room.           if you don't like it distract her with something else or don't watch. best of luck

Aurelia - posted on 11/29/2009

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she's a baby don't worry too much she'll stop soon it's a faze kids go through

Sharina - posted on 11/29/2009

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yes I definitely say it's okay for a kid to play with themselves in their room.

Carrie - posted on 11/29/2009

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This is completely normal, like other mom's said she's exploring what is her's and if it feels good/funny to her let her do it.

Stacy - posted on 11/29/2009

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I know my younger sister use to do the same thing and like a lot of others have said the are curious and as they get old enough to understand thats when you teach them thats its not something you do in public because if you tell them no when they are to young it will make them ashamed of themselves. I from experience remember i use to do stuff like that when i was younger to my parents told me i was 4 when i started understanding it was wrong to do in public.

Summer - posted on 11/29/2009

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Quoting Michelle :

she is discovering that if she moves a certain way the diaper rubs and feels good. You may notice that during her bath she starts touching herself. As long as her fingernails are clean and have no jagged edges to hurt herself with it is fine and normal. Little boys do the same sort of thing and it is part of self discovery. let her do it and as she gets older (around age 3) you can explain that even though it feels good it is a private thing that is okay to do but needs to be done in her room with the door closed.



So your saying that it is ok for your kid to  play with themselves in their room, weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would not condone it to that extent.

Sandy - posted on 11/29/2009

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I would say that you should ignore it at this stage-she is quite young still and probably discovered it a strange feeling with the diaper on!!

Hettie - posted on 11/29/2009

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Wowwwwwwww that is to say that your body is gross....................... and it is not, when you love yourself you will see it is allll natural and part of growing up. Maybe if you read more on the subject you will understand where the other people are coming from. Something can only be gross if you make it gross. Good luck with the reading. Lots of hugs and love to your baby and you. Hxxx

Hayley - posted on 11/29/2009

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There was a fabulous Oprah show that aired in New Zealand recently that touched on this subject. If you can I would suggest trying to find the episode online, I think it would be helpful :)

Jessica - posted on 11/28/2009

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DONT STRESS... she is not wierd at all alot of children do this sort of thing, finding new parts of there bodies. little boy play with there willy it just the same:)

[deleted account]

Brittany, If you teach a child that touching themselves is dirty, how will she learn that she needs to clean herself well, or deal with her menstrual cycle . . . there's nothing psychologically wrong with allowing it, in fact it's healthy. How can a psychologically healthy child, who has not experienced any sexual improprieties, learn to accept herself as being okay if there is a part of her that is dirty. How will she enjoy a healthy sexual relationship when she is a wife? It's okay to teach them that it's not for others to see, that it's private, but no child should grow up feeling like there's a part of them that is dirty . . . what would you say to a child if she asked "then why do I have it?"

Ora - posted on 11/28/2009

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It's just a form of masterbation. Not in a sexual way, but it feels good to her. It's nothing serious. She'll outgrow it. Don't worry. I have 3 kids of my own and worked in a daycare for 7 years. I've seen this a lot. It's no big deal.

Hannah - posted on 11/28/2009

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Awesome, thanks Mamas. I, not once, have told her "no" or "yucky" about it. I was a little suprised, thank you for helping me understand. I dont mind her touching her "Bottom" When she first dicovered it I made sure It was a happy and sweet thing. "Oh, Maya! That is your Bottom!" And she points out mine too. I tried different words for her, like peepee, but she likes the word Bottom for it.
I read somewhere, too, that it can be an outlet for anxiety.

Brittany - posted on 11/28/2009

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My daughter is almost 5 months and when i go to change her she reaches down there to 'feel' whats under her diaper, i just move her hands out of the way and tell her that we dont touch down there. I dont believe that you should let a child touch themselves like that, I see it as disgusting. My neice grabs for her diaper when she goes potty in her diaper, but thats about it and shes two. I would say that its up to you personally if you want your child to touch themselves or not....I disagree with the other moms and think its gross!

Sharina - posted on 11/28/2009

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As she gets older just insist that when she wants to do that, she has to do it in her room.Definitely don't make a big deal of it. It's just a natural thing!

Tammy - posted on 11/28/2009

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it is completely innocent, but please dont ues words like yuck or ugly. you dont want to make anything related to her body negative.

Barbara - posted on 11/28/2009

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this is quite natural, dont stress yourself, its a phase and she,ll soon stop doing it. love barbara xxx

Nicole - posted on 11/28/2009

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My son does the same thing. He'll lay on his stomach and do whatever. I took a psychology class, and children will do things that feel good. It's totally normal.

[deleted account]

my son does the same thing an he has been doing it for about a year an he is almost 20 months he is all about his (ning-ning) everytime his diaper comes off or he gets in the tub an he will pull on it an ill tell him one day he is going to pull it off, an someone said that( it feels good to them) ive always been told it does'nt that they dont get that type of feeling yet,its just like anyother body part on there body except all the other parts then can touch all the time

Bhavani - posted on 11/28/2009

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She is just feeling herself. Its quite natural as children start quite early touching themselves. Do not make her ashamed, by telling her its a bad thing what she's doing it,but just ignore it and she will probably as time goes on leave the bad habit. You could also just pull her hands off playfully, playing with her whenever she does it, so that she doesn't focus so much on it. Happy parenting and take care.

Helen - posted on 11/28/2009

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my little boy started doing that and it was an early way of him telling us that he wanted a wee (could feel the sensation of needing to go) don't stigmatise it all children touch themselves it is part curiosity and partly because it feels nice. it is a natural thing for them to do

Brittany - posted on 11/28/2009

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it is normal. i wouldn't worry about it. though usually you do encourage them to not do it because of germs and what not. I used to work in a daycare, for kids its all about finding out something new.

Melissa - posted on 11/28/2009

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I agree with the other moms that posted. You could also tell her that if she is going to do that, that she needs to go to her room. That its private. Maybe the inconvience of going to the room will divert her attention to something else. I work at a pre-school 3-6 years olds and I see this alllllll the time.

Melissa - posted on 11/28/2009

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i have 3 boys and 1 girl. they all have touched themselves at a certain age. but i tought them that its not nice to do it in front of people.you dont want them to fell like doing it is something bad.they might feel like there is something wrong with themselves.just let them know that is something to do in private.

Jamie - posted on 11/27/2009

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maybe she is constipated? perhaps giving her some apple juice will help with the constipation.
other than that, the best thing that works in my opinion is whenever you see her doing this try to engage her in something else. get her attention with a snack, a toy, or a task that she can help you do. eventually she will not have this habit and grow out of it if you catch her every time.
take comfort in knowing that it is probably just a phase, and she won't be doing this when she is10, 15, or 20...
you can also try a negative reinforcement by telling her that this is not good and to go wash her hands whenever she does this... making her get up and wash her hands over and over again may keep her from repeating the ritual.

Kim - posted on 11/27/2009

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most kids do this. Its is natural. it feels good to them. it should not be discouraged. Its good to see that you dont tell her its yucky or no dont dont do that. Just let her do it. She is not hurting herself or anyone else. IF we make a big deal about what they are doing they will grow up thinking sex is dirty when its not. IT is a beautiful thing betweenj two people that love each other. THey will also grow up self consious about their bodies if we make a big deal about what they are doing. Just let her explore, shes normal and she will stop doing it at some point.

Tammy - posted on 11/27/2009

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My daughter is 14 months and every time we change her she puts her hands down by her "pretty thing," I don’t tell her anything and instead give her a little time to herself while I get her things together. She is too little to understand why she should not do it and so far during changes it is the only time that she does it. I believe in letting her explore, when she is a little older and starts going to school or daycare I hope she breaks form it, however there are some families I hear that have children use this as a soothing and comfortable tool for them when they are in day cares. Bottom line, let your child get to know her body, and don’t tell her it’s a bad thing, she doesn’t know any better. Instead let her do it in the privacy of her room or during bath time (mine at times dose it in the tub). I believe she will eventfully grow out of it.

Tenisha - posted on 11/27/2009

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its not as weird as we thing most kids do that let her be as long as she isnt doing it in public or when there are people over

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