MY DAUGHTER IS DRAINING ME!!!!

DONNA - posted on 04/01/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO IS 26, BIPOLAR AND ON METH. SHE HAS NO CAR, NO JOB AND NO PLACE TO LIVE. I GOT INTO A SCREAMING MATCH WITH MY 82 YEAR OLD DAD THIS MORNING IN THE FRONT YARD BECAUSE HE SAYS I AM BEING CRUEL TO HER BY ONLY LETTING HER BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN IM HOME. I AM SINGLE AND TRYING TO KEEP IT ALL TOGETHER BY MYSELF AND I JUST DONT HAVE THICK ENOUGH SKIN TO TAKE CARE OF SOMEONE WHO WONT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES. I TELL ME DAD THAT I DO NOT WANT DRUG DEALERS OR DRUGS AROUND ME AND MY DAD SAYS O WELL WE HAVE TO HELP HER. SHE IS 26 AND HAS NOT KEPT A JOB FOR LONGER THAN 6 MONTHS IN 10 YEARS. SHE HAS HAD SEVERAL CARS THAT MY MOM AND DAD BOUGHT FOR HER, A HOUSE THAT MY MOM AND DAD BOUGHT FOR HER AND SHE ALSO HAS TWO KIDS OF HER OWN THAT SHE LOST TO THEIR DAD. I FEEL LONELY TRYING TO DO ALL OF THIS ALONE AND THEN TO HAVE MY DAD THREATEN TO KICK ME OUT OF MY HOUSE (IT IS ON HIS PROPERTY) IF I DON'T LET HER MOVE IN......... I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH BUT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK ...... AM I DESTINED TO TAKE CARE OF A DEAD BEAT CHILD AND HAVE NO LIFE OF MY OWN

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/01/2014

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Stand your ground, Donna. Get a restraining order against her. I'm concerned that she sees her grandfather's willingness to support her, and will end up hurting him, possibly physically.

Not that she can't get off of this. It's possible. I'm 25 years married to a recovered addict of 27 years. He walked away on his own from it. One of my best friends that I've known for life got into it, and got herself off. Has been sober for 10 years. It IS possible, but it has to be a choice SHE makes.

Good luck, my dear!

DONNA - posted on 04/01/2014

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SHAWNN, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH MY DAUGHTER'S ADDICTION FOR 10 YEARS AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE ASKED OTHERS BESIDES MY FEW FRIENDS FOR HELP. TODAY IS THE FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY FELT LIKE GIVING UP BEFORE THE REPLIES I HAVE BEEN GETTING HAVE REALLY HELPED ME. I HAVE GIVEN MY DAD ALL THE INFORMATION BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE SIMPLY DOSENT CARE HE WILL DO WHATEVER HE CAN FOR HER NO MATTER WHAT. THE LAST CAR HE GOT FOR HER SHE SOLD TO A DRUG DEALER AND HE HAD TO PAY 700.00 TO THE DRUG DEALER TO GET IT BACK AND HE STILL WANTS ME TO LET HER MOVE IN!!!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/01/2014

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Your daughter is addicted to a horrible substance. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING.

If your father wants to continue to support her horrible habit, he's only enabling her to stay addicted, and she'll hit rock bottom harder. If he wants to enable her, he can let her move in to his home.

Get some literature for him explaining how to deal with a meth addict. Show him how its proven that quite a lot of 'helpful' relatives get themselves robbed, hurt, and possibly killed by their 'angels' that they 'have to help'. Unless YOU gave her her first dose, YOU are not responsible for her choices.

Furthermore, she is an adult, and your father needs to recognize that neither you, nor he have any control over her decisions.

Yes, you may want to look for another place to live. I would, if my parents were that dense about the necessity of 'brutal' actions to get the woman turned around.

DONNA - posted on 04/01/2014

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THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING TO ME SO QUICKLY..... I AM SITTING AT MY DESK CRYING AND JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS GOING TO WORK TODAY. I AM GOING TO STICK TO WHAT I BELIEVE EVEN IF IT MEANS I WILL BE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE! AGAIN THANKS SO MUCH

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2014

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I am so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing in setting limits. Your parents even though they are wanting to help are actually making it worse. They are enabling her to keep making the poor choices. I am sure in their hearts they are not wanting to do that, but sometimes you have to let people suffer the consequences of their actions (however bad those might be) in order for them to hit bottom and make changes. No one can change her not matter how much they want to. She has to be ready and willing. As humans often times if what we are doing not matter how right or wrong is working for us we are not going to change it is not until it stops working for us do we start to try to make changes. I would encourage you to look into support groups for those dealing with an addict family member.

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