My daughter is Gay and wants to spend the night at her girlfriends house

Kaitlyn - posted on 07/07/2013 ( 47 moms have responded )

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My daughter is gay, she is almost 20 years old and she wants to spend the night at her girlfriends house, should I let her?

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Angela - posted on 07/10/2013

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@ Hannah Riccio - to repeat my previous post:

"Not only is she 20 and an adult, she's been frank and honest enough to 'come out' to her parents. Had she not come out, I daresay there wouldn't have been any problem with her staying at the home of a female friend overnight!

Why penalise her for being honest, adult and upfront with her parents?"

If her parents weren't willing to have her staying overnight at ANY friend's house, then fair enough. But the mother who posted at the start of this thread, makes a point of saying the girl is Gay - capitalising the word - so that's (apparently) the issue. And if the only reason they don't want her staying at her partner's house is because this person is her partner and she's been honest enough to come out as a gay woman and tell her parents who her partner is, then that's very definitely wrong.

It sends out a message that if you're honest and tell the truth to your parents, they will nevertheless pull rank on you and restrict your activities, even though you're 20.

Hannah - posted on 07/11/2013

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Haha well, all I'm saying this is how I was raised and how ill raise my children. Gay, straight, bisexual... It doesn't matter. I wouldn't let a child of mine while living in my home, age 10 or 20. I'm not saying anyone else has to. Just sharing my thought. I'm not pressing my view on anyone either. I'm very old fashioned... Just how I am. I don't like slumber parties and won't let my kids have them or let them go to one. I just do it for safety and out of love. To each their own. Why does my opinion matter to anyone but the dear lady asking the question anyways? I'm not being rude, I'm just saying... These ideas and thoughts are to help the nice woman seeking thoughts for her beloved daughter. It's not a place to fight or force your opinion but to share and hopefully help.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/11/2013

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Hey Kaitlyn, I am hoping you are embracing your daughters sexuality, and that your concern has nothing to do with it. I am hoping it is just the general concern of a parent having their child sleep over at a significant others house. I do gather that from your posts, and I hope you would have equal worry if she was straight and wanting to go to her bf's house for the night. Your daughter wants to wait to have sex. She told you she is gay. Sounds like she is really trying to be up front and honest with you. Maybe sit her don't and be honest with your concerns about her sleeping over her girlfriends house. And don't center it about being gay.

Hannah - posted on 07/10/2013

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Jodi - I'm aware that Kaitlyn has stated her daughter is 20. My standards and my expectations for my household now are the same as when I was growing up. (Perhaps different than others) but in my house regardless of age, mom and dad are law. Not for cruelty but for safety. Besides you abide by the rules of anywhere you live even renting an apartment. So if mama doesn't want her adult daughter to do some thing, tough cookies. You pick to live with mom, you respect moms wishes....even at 20.

Jessica - posted on 01/11/2014

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she wont get pregnant what the worst that could happen also she 20 and old enough where she is her own person

47 Comments

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Serene - posted on 07/16/2014

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I lol when i read this post because 18 years old is an adult. Looking at how old this post is she's probably almost able to sit in a bar with her girlfriend. :-)

Aaliyah - posted on 07/16/2014

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Well, since 18 is an adult, and you say she's almost 20, you have no say so. If she wants to go over to her girlfriends house, she can. She's an adult. JS. -Thanks.

Grace - posted on 07/14/2013

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Well,she is an adult so that should become her choice now.but explain to her any concerns you have etcetera :)

Brooklyn Talor - posted on 07/13/2013

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Well if she's 20 the she should be old enough to make her own decisions and you should support her on it

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/11/2013

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Kaitlyn, can you possibly respond to my last post please? Inquiring minds want to know. Also, what have you decided? Have you discussed matters with your daughter?

Hannah - posted on 07/11/2013

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Kaitlyn, I think you are doing a great job and I know it must be difficult at times but sounds like you're a good mom with your heart in the right place. You love your kid, you worry for her, nothing wrong with that :) all good mamas worry and fear for their kiddos! good luck to you and your sweet gal honey.

Savannah - posted on 07/10/2013

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Shes 20... She should be able to go wherever she pleases and 2nd who is to say that she will be gay her entire life?!? perhaps she's curious or something?!?! How do you know shes gay anyhow?!?

Jodi - posted on 07/10/2013

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******MOD WARNING********

Ladies, I have removed a number of posts that have been inappropriate and I have issued warnings. Any further posts either off topic or attacking/deliberately rude in nature will be removed and the poster blocked from posting for 24 hours to allow them to cool down.

Thank you
Jodi
WtCoM Moderator

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/10/2013

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Um, Lana, as Little miss has politely tried to point out to you...

The young lady in your second example...the one who "was treated no differently for being gay and after about 12 years is engaged to a man"... Honey, THAT'S NOT HOMOSEXUAL, THAT'S BI-CURIOUS. Look it up.

You can have your OPINION all you want. Welcome to it. However, when you start pushing your OPINION as FACT, and will not accept any explanation as to the possible error of that NON-FACT...well, that's just not OK.

Gay, homosexual, lesbian...they all refer to a homosexual tendency that is innate in the genetic make up of the individual. The "gays that are now straight" that you continue to refer to weren't gay. They were curious. There's a difference, sweetie, really there is. I ought to know...I have one homosexual brother, and one bi-curious one. BIG, BIG DIFFERENCE.

Chicora - posted on 07/10/2013

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If your house rules indicate no. Then it's no. She is to follow YOUR rules adult or not while you are still financially supporting her under your roof. I know when I was still under my mom's roof I couldn't stay out all night and could't have male company unless he was my husband. My family dosen't play that!!!


Figure out what you're comfortable with and go from there.

Lana - posted on 07/10/2013

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... Making a big deal of her being gay won't solve a damn thing was what I was getting at. I know a girl that was semi bullied into being straight by her parents and it was a horrendous outcome. I know a second girl who was treated no differently for being gay and after about 12 years she is engaged to a man with a child.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/10/2013

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Angela, you misinterpreted my words. I was simply using lifestyle as a general term. Not using it as a "choice". I thought my post was pretty clear on that. If it wasn't, I apologize.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/10/2013

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Yes Lana, but you are imposing YOUR opinions on someones sexuality. And I clearly have an opinion about that. Nothing wrong with this. That is how discussions work. Nothing to get so defensive about.

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2013

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At least you know she won't come home pregnant, even if she wasn't waiting till marriage.

Sal - posted on 07/10/2013

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Im stunned you have the final say ob what tour 20 year old choses to Do, She is giving you respect by even asking you, at the age of 20 yes you should let her give her that respect... It's not a gay question either my answer would be the same if she were wanting to stay at her boyfriends place..

Angela - posted on 07/10/2013

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Not only is she 20 and an adult, she's been frank and honest enough to "come out" to her parents. Had she not come out, I daresay there wouldn't have been any problem with her staying at the home of a female friend overnight!

Why penalise her for being honest adult and upfront with her parents?

Hannah - posted on 07/09/2013

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I understand the concern. Think of it this was... Maybe it'd be easier to decide. If you daughter preferred men and wanted to stay over at a man friends house, would you let her? Because its the same thing letting her stay with a gal pal. If it were me and my daughter were living under my roof and she wanted to stay the night at mans house and she was straight or a gals house and she as gay, I wouldn't let her. She can do what she thinks is right when she moves out. Not on my watch.

Angela - posted on 07/09/2013

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@ Lana, having a shaved head doesn’t mean a person is gay. Acting in a “butch” way (if you’re female) doesn’t make you gay either. A person’s sexuality isn’t chosen, it’s with them for life. I’m heterosexual, I was born heterosexual. I didn’t choose heterosexuality for myself, I just found myself to be “straight”.

Now some people may emulate the clichés of homosexuality and even claim that they ARE gay. Then in later life they’re married with children etc … Chances are they were straight all along and just fooling around. Or they may indeed be gay and then decide to emulate the clichés of heterosexuality by getting married to an opposite sex partner etc! You can’t be gay then straight. Nor can you be straight then gay. But people will often emulate the way other people are – this doesn’t just happen with sexuality, it might happen with other facets of life too.

Any information website that discusses sexuality frankly and truthfully will squash these erroneously held suppositions of yours. Check out:

http://changingattitude-england.blogspot...

Lana - posted on 07/09/2013

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How's about this. My opinions are just that MINE so post your own opinion and leave me the hell alone. Thanks.

Jodi - posted on 07/09/2013

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Did you let her spend the night at girlfriends' houses when she was 15? Just saying......

Quite honestly, I have no idea why her sexuality is even an issue here. If she had a boyfriend, would you be okay with it?

I also have no idea why this is an issue of parental permission for an adult child. Do you have some sort of house rule where no adult in the house may stay another night in a different location?

Angela - posted on 07/09/2013

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@~♥Little Miss Can't Be Wrong♥~ You used the term "lifestyle" in your post below. It's a HUGE no/no to use words like "lifestyle" and "choice" when discussing gay issues.

Other than that, I totally agree with your comments to Lana.

Kaitlyn, why does your daughter need your "permission" to stay overnight at someone's house? Of course, if she DOES stay out all night, it's only manners for her to let you know (whatever her age) but for her to seek your permission and then for you to post about it on here wanting opinions from other parents ......

Do you not respect her as an adult with a mind of her own? Does she not respect HERSELF as an adult?

Kaitlyn - posted on 07/08/2013

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So she is a complete fem, she is gay, she hasn't been with a man nor does she choose too because she can't get emotionally attached, she is saving sex till marriage and most guys she has "tried" to date just made fun of her, her girlfriend now thinks the same way a out saving sex till marriage, she is going to a pride festival with her gf and family I let her go! She can not get pregnant due to some personal problems she has had. But I'm just scared because I know my brain is saying okay let her go but my heart is telling me other wise

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/08/2013

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Lana, once again you are describing CURIOUS or BISEXUAL. Shaved heads does not make a homosexual. And if they had relationships with the same sex for years, then that is called BISEXUAL. And yes, it is your opinion on these peoples life styles that you are saying was a faze, and really having an opinion on someone elses sexuality is really quite judgment in itself. We use labels such as gay, bi, transgender etc just to make it easier to decipher sexual preference. Saying someone that is gay really isn't???? Then maybe they were bi. Make you feel better?

Lana - posted on 07/08/2013

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My life my includes experience correct?? Curious no... I'm talking shaved head the whole 9 and now married with children. So as I said before most of the "gay" people I knew growing up grew out of it. If it could only be considered curious well then they were curious for 10+ years before changing their minds?!? Yea no..Please don't try and call me out for my opinion hun. Not a good idea.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/08/2013

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People that are gay, well are gay Lana. If it is just a phase, we would not be having so much controversy about same sex marriage. What you are talking is about being curious, not outgrowing being homosexual.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/08/2013

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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....*breath*....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA...*breath*....that cannot be a real comment............right?

Lana - posted on 07/08/2013

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shes grown.. She cant bring back a child or any crazy rape stories. Let her go. Most of the "gay" girls I knew growing up are straight and married with children now. It is one of those phases some people go through.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2013

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Katerina, do you understand that the use of the term "gay" in this thread means a homosexual?

Homosexuals generally cannot reproduce...since our form of reproduction is sexual, and a homosexual sticks with their own gender, thus negating the ability to procreate...

Enna - posted on 07/08/2013

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Well, if you have made it a requirement that in order to live with you, even though she's an adult, she has to ask your permission to go out, that is reasonable.
But since she is an adult I would let her go, unless there is some major issue that you are concerned about. Is she spending the night at a crack house or with a bunch of prostitutes? (kidding) if it's safe, I would let her go.

A - posted on 07/08/2013

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I agree Shawnn, not sure why her sexuality was brought up. Could have just said my 20 yr old wants to stay the night at her girlfriends or partners. We would have gathered from there.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2013

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Let's see. In most societies, the age of "almost 20" indicates that the person is NOT a child any more, thus doesn't need your permission to do a darn thing.

Enough said. You either love your daughter, or not. What does her sexual orientation have to do with anything, and why are you still requiring her to ask your permission to be an adult?

Amy - posted on 07/07/2013

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Yes in my opinion you're being too harsh, she's now an adult regardless if she lives at home or not she does not need your permission to do anything.

Firebird - posted on 07/07/2013

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She's an adult, she should not have to ask your permission to spend a night at someone else's house. Out of respect she should absolutely let you know if she's not going to be home for the night, so you know not to wait up for her, but she is plenty old enough to make her own decisions.

Kaitlyn - posted on 07/07/2013

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She ask permission because she still lives at home... I told her its a respect issue she said its trust, and that she is saving sex till marriage which I believe her because she is afraid if getting an std am I being to harsh? I would like your honest imput

Michelle - posted on 07/07/2013

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She's an adult and doesn't need you to "let her" stay at someone's house.

Amy - posted on 07/07/2013

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Why is she asking for your permission? I could understand asking you if she wanted her girlfrient to sleep over at your house but she can do whatever she wants when she leaves your house.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/07/2013

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She is an adult and does not need your permission, but I am sure would love your consent.

Firebird - posted on 07/07/2013

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At almost 20, she is an adult. Why does she even need to ask your permission?

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