my daughter is just plain mean to me

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Hi I want to ask something im not sure what to do. My daughter is 5 years old. But she is mean to me. No matter what I do it dont phase her. I take her toys away and she helps with a smile on her face. She loves to always scream at me. She never listens and she acts thia way with only me. Not this bad with her dad or grandparents or anyone else. Other than my best friend. We even had to take her out of kindergarten because she likes to hurt other kids. She is adhd and bipolar but my question is why does she act ao disrespectful towards me. She loves me one second and screams she hates me the next. Time out dont work. Spankings dont work taking tv. And movies away dont work. Nothing I do to displaying her works. If she sees me cry she laughs even though I try not to... this is all hard to explain but I do consider that she is adhd and bipolar and five years old. But she is always screaming at me and always lying and she will admit to anyone that she is mean to only me because she trys to get her way. But she says hurtful things I love her so much im just having alot of trouble nothing is good enough.. nothing I do works. She is also going to two specialists and nothing is phasing her

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Sarah - posted on 10/27/2014

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In your earlier post you say you put her down for bed at 8, yet she is awake until 2 and then up by 5? Three hours of sleep? Whether she is ADHD or not, she is grossly sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation can be the cause of a host of learning and behavior disorders. Conversely, ADHD meds are stimulants and can cause insomnia.
How old was she when she started meds? When was the last time, if ever, that you tried a medication break?
If I was only three hours of sleep I would not be able to learn, work, parent, and I am sure I'd be no fun to live with. If she is truly bipolar as well, she needs treatment for that.
She is so young, and present with a host of issues. Bed-wetting and animal cruelty are two hallmarks of sociopathic tendency. Careful methodical ruling out of certain mental health disorders is needed. Starting with righting her sleep routine and optimizing her nutrition.
Regarding trick or treating. At 5, with ADHD, she will not necessarily be able to link the consequence with the behavior.

Raye - posted on 10/27/2014

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It would not be wrong to keep her from trick-or-treating. She needs to know that her behavior has consequences.

If you're not watching what she eats, pay more attention to her getting enough vitamin B-3 (niacin) and also vitamin C and B-6. Try to eat less processed foods and don't give her caffeine or sugar (no pop). Make sure she's eating at least some small meals 3 times a day. Give it a few weeks, and see if it helps calm her down.

Jodi - posted on 10/24/2014

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She has been diagnosed formally as bipolar at 5 years old? That's very unusual. Are you working with her doctors on appropriate behaviour strategies?

When you say you consider that she is adhd and bipolar, what do you mean? That you are more lenient because of that?

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Sarah - posted on 10/27/2014

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Thank you lol. .. her papaw gets that feeling well so does mom but mom is following my rules better but her papaw will buy junk and give it to her

Raye - posted on 10/27/2014

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We have problems, too, with the kids' grandmother giving them junk food. She thinks it doesn't hurt and grandmothers are supposed to spoil the grand kids, but she doesn't have to deal with them after she gives them back.

Sarah - posted on 10/27/2014

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But the problem with the eating thing is that I dunno what she eats at her dads. He is supposed to be feeding her like me but I dunno if he is or not. She eats good food with me. Beef stew thats home made. She eats vegetables and fruits all natural not store bought so no special sugars or processed foods. Yeah every once in awhile ill let her eat chicken nuggets and etc but thats only like maybe once a month. It actually depends on the situation like if she is hungry after a dr. Appointment and I dont have alot of money ill take her some where cheap to eat so she can have something in her tummy I dont like even thinking she is hungry but most of the time she eats good fresh foods.

Sarah - posted on 10/27/2014

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Okay cuz I know I will feel terrible if I do. But if she dont straightin up then keeping her from trick ot treating may be what needs to happen.

Sarah - posted on 10/27/2014

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Im gonna talk to her doctor again and she is still on the samples from dr. Eldridge in chattnooga but I told him she was having trouble sleeping too and he said he was gonna figure something out becuase I told him that he has no choice but to her get her some sleep becuase she is 5 and needs her rest more than ever and I do know what she eats and I have done different things and I watch what she eats

Sarah - posted on 10/27/2014

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No I havent been able to yet. And yeah see she dont eat much sweets as it is. But she will do good for a few days to where I only have to get her to her a few times like maybe 10 or so times a day. Which I know aint good but is better that what it youst to be be off meds. But now its been like a week straight where she has been bad. Is her body starting to get youst her medicine her doctor upped her dosage. I dunno why she is peeing in her bed and she is trying to annoy the dog so much she gets bit and dolly is a sweet dog. But she has been getting worse I mean on one hand the medicine is working and on the other its not. I mean her excuse is that her medicine makes her and that she dunno when she has to go pee if she is asleep but yet she dont pee in her bed at my house but she did at my moms and she has done it like three times now. But she thinks everything is funny and she said that if dolly bites her then she will be meaner to dolly. She said that she can be mean and people and animals need to deal with it... but if she dont straight in up by friday would j be wrong if I didnt let her trick or treat

Raye - posted on 10/27/2014

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If you take her trick-or-treating, make sure you limit what sugar she eats. Sugar can contribute to bipolar and depression. My step-kids' mom is bipolar, and we have to be careful with the kids' exposure to sugar and make sure they get enough protein.

Have you tried keeping a journal of her eating and sleeping habits, her moods and outbursts, to try and find any patterns or triggers for her meltdowns and tantrums? Try asking her questions about her moods and chart her responses.

Also, remember to take care of yourself. You can't take care of her if you are constantly tired and irritable. Don't feel guilty about your feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. These are all natural feelings.

Sarah - posted on 10/27/2014

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Am I wrong if I keep arianna from trick or treating if she dont start behaving. She stayed with my mom last night and she ia even peeing in the bed on purpose now and wont leave the dog alone. She has moms little dachshund so annoyed she has growled at arianna two times. And arianna thinks its funny and she has been snapping off at my mom a few times. But is it wrong of me to keep her from trick or treating is she dont start being good pr os that to far. I want to take her and dress her up and etc so I dont want her to miss out but then again she hasn't been good. Any opinions

Rebecca - posted on 10/26/2014

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My 12-year-old daughter has autism and she doesn't get along well with classmates/schoolmates. She has NEVER been a pain to me, and has always loved her mom in every way. She's a 7th grader and is still fighting with girls in her school since 6th grade. When she was your daughter's age, she had problems with socializing and was rude to her teacher. It turned out she has autism. She'll be 13 years old in 6 months until April 21st. She can't wait to become a teenager. I suggest you STILL take her toys away. What else does she like to do? Play online games? If so, ban her from the computer. Take the mouse/keyboard away. If she doesn't, still think of more punishments.

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014

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She is on intunive and that is a non riddlin based medication and she has got better she has slowed down a little but not much. I lay her down for bed about 8pm by most of the time she wont actually go to sleep until after 2 and then wakes up at 5. She does not watch tv at night to go to sleep or anything and when she wakes up at 5am every morning she is full blast every day and its non stop. She dont concentrate. She forgets what she is doing every easily and she is aggressive. By she is definitely adhd. 3 specialists confirmed that. The behavioral/theipest and a doc. Here in town and a adhd specialists. But to put that aside she is going a little better she is only on 2mg. And they give her medicine based in her body weight. But even with all that she is getting better but yet she is still so mean towards me and yeah I know me and my x fighting wasn't good for her Ittired to stop it. The inly thing he wanted to do was fight and etc.. sorry I dont wanna give to much info. But I was just courious on why she acts worse towards me

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014

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O she is definitely adhd. She has no concentration it takes her two hours to just write her name. She knows her colors and animals. And if you tell her to get a yellow crayon she gets it then says color the duck yellow she loses concertration and get so mad and stressed and she cant concentrate. But any little thing catches her eye and she forgets what she was directed to to begin with. She is on adhd medication but its not riddlin based. I didnt think they had adhd medication thats not riddlin based but they do and she is still aggressive but not as bad and she may not be as bad cuz she aint around k ther kids all the time like she was in school. And im trying to stick with it I am. And im trying to do what I can and I do work with her doctors. Her next appointment is tuesday. But her daddy is adhd too and he is different as well. But she likehim like 10 times over

Jodi - posted on 10/24/2014

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Actually if a child gets worse on the medication, they don't have true adhd.

And lenient does mean easy. You shouldn't be easier on a child just because you want them to be happy. If your child is misbehaving, regardless of diagnosis, there need to be consequences for the behaviour, Very CLEAR, EXPLICIT and CONSISTENT consequences. Why does she treat you differently? Because you let her. Even in your post you admit she is spoiled. You admit she hurts your feelings (and you very clearly show that your feelings are hurt, so you are feeding her behaviour). You need to stop allowing her to hurt you and stop trying to always make her happy.

You need to work more closely with the behaviour therapist on some strategies, however, I would suggest, especially if your daughter saw a lot of fighting between you and her father, that part of your daughter's problem is that she is a child of trauma, not necessarily adhd. Trauma isn't always something you can just give a label, it is about how the brain connections form as they grow. This can be affected by constant fighting and abuse in the home. Doctors always love to give things a label, but unfortunately, there isn't always a label to give.

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014

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Well her old dr. Gave her riddlen based medication for adhd. And according to her new doc.her old doctor should of tried to concider also bipolar becuase a child with adhd is usually aggressive anyways but if a child's aggressiveness gets worse with riddlen based medication the child is also bipolar becuase bipolar is hard to diagnose in children but her new doctor tried a adhd medication on her that isn't riddlen based and she is not as aggressive as when her old doctor put on her the meds that was riddlen based. And no im not more lenient because of that. Im easier on her becuase I do want her to be happy. When me and her daddy was together all she heard was fighting and his talking down to me and etc.. but now sense me and him are divorced and me and her live some where else she isn't always around that mess. But the thing im confused about is why does she treat me differently then she does other people. Is it becuase she is youst to seeing me walked on amd she thinks its fine too or what. She does go to a adhd specialists and a behavioral specialists/ therapist too. But she is always mean to me. I mean we always play I always fo things with her. And I dont always give her what she wants sense I left her dad I have had a say so on how to raise my child. Screaming and yelling at her will not help her. But she also dont listing when I try to talk to her she enjoys trying to hurt me I just aint sure what to do. Yes she is on medication intunive for her adhd but her always being hateful towards me and not everyone else is confusing yeah she is mean to other people but she is usually good with them but ad soon as she looks at me its like a switch cuts on in her head and to her she is my boss.. she will tell me.. she says mommy you have two choices. You let me do what I want and when I want and if you dont then you hate me and I tell her no honey your not getting your way im mommy and you will listen to me and then she will scream and hit herself or me.... a few days ago she non stop told me how much she hated me and she didnt want to see me or be with me and I tell her well thats fine by I love you and want to be with you and she gets madder and just says some of the most hurtful things. Its hard to explain. I mean im youst to being walked on but it seems like I cant even get threw to my own child. I mean I do think she hates me.. she has been spoiled but im kinda strict at my house but I do let her play and we play together and we got animals and we watch tv together and I teach her at home cuz she cant be in school. I try to make her happy. If she dont get her way she makes sure she hurts my feelings and it dont bother her at all. She has no remorse for anything

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