Michelle Joy - posted on 12/11/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
On November 14, 2010, my Mother asked me to leave our family home. She told me that she was of the opinion that I was the "problem". My daughter was at a girl scout function that was to last for 3 days. So she was not a witness to any of this. (Thank God!!!) There had been a lot of turmoil and Just under the surface annimosity for a very long time. So in order to shorten the story some. I left with no argument. Was almost relieved. So when I tried to retreive her on that Sunday, I was told she was in "protective custody". I was told this by my mother. Anyway I tried and tried to get her on the phone to no avail. So things started to happen and I called one Sunday morning and Ellen actually answered FINALLY! But before she could finish the word "hello" the phone was taken from her by the King County Sherriff. He informed me that I was not to call her, e-mail, write, contact via the U.S. Postal Service, or by way of a 3rd party. He said that if I did continue to try and contact her that he was aware that I was residing in Ortig and that even though I was out of the county, he would personally drive out to where I was and arrest me. So naturally I ceased any attempts at contacting her. Well circumstances change and things went real bad for me for a while. I wound up spending 76 days in jail for violation of a No Contact Order. While I was in jail, my mother served me with Child Support Papers and 3rd Party Non-Parental Custody. So I had to come to realize one of the harshest realities that I have ever faced. That was, that my mother was not, had never been and wasn't ever going to be my friend. So as to make this long story short. It has now been 2 years and almost a month since I have talked to, or even seen my daughter. The custody case came to a conclusion, we settled out of court by means of a agreed upon conclusion. We came to this settlement by means of a court appointed councelor. In other words a lawyer that is employed by the court. There is no such things as "joint" custody in the state of Washington, but he assured me that with what we had settled with it was the next best thing. Whatever! I feel like I was brow beat in to submission, for lack of a better term. The outcome was that I get Ellen every other weekend and every Thursday night. Every other Birthday. And the holidays we worked out to be that on even numbered years she is to be with me and on the odd numbered years she will be with my mother. I am to be included on any major decisions concerning medical, religion, or life changing event in Ellen's life. But the situation is that when I call the cell phone she will not answer, she will not respond to any text that I send, and if I become aware of a school function that she will be participating in I'll text and ask if she would like for me to attend. I'll also say that if she does not respond that I'll take it as an ok for me to attend. But I have received a responding text asking me not to attend those functions. Now whether or not it really is Ellen asking me not to attend those functions, I'm not sure. I would bet that it wasn't Ellen at all. But there is no way for me to prove it. But in order as to not cause any more turmoil I reframe from attending. My mother was supposed to enroll Ellen in counceling for Ellen and myself so that we could start to reconciliate. But that has not happened. At least if Ellen is in counceling I have not been made aware of it. I don't want to go back to the courts, I feel that is inviting more troulbe that I don't want to deal with. And I realize that, that may be my only way of making my mother do what it is she is supposed to be doing. As far as what the court has ordered anyway. But I want to do any and everything within my power before I take that last step. Because unlike my mother I don't feel that the courts ever needed to be a part of this big ugly mess. She (my mother) has never treated me fairly, she has always singled me out. She has never had motherly feelings toward me. She has never given me approval or acceptance or been proud of the things that I have accomplished. I just can not imagine she is going to be any more supportive toward my daughter once she starts developing phisically.
Want my current desperation is all about is this: I just want to find a way to communicate with Ellen. Whether it be through e-mail to begin with or simple chats on the phone. Something, anything to start a line of communication again. This whole thing is stupid and so unnecessary. There was no reason for it to have ever gone as far as it has. Ellen has been lied to and coersed into believing God only knows what. But she will not speak to me, or see me. How do I get her attention for long enough to put that question in her head, "What are some of the things that I don't know/" (About what happened back in 2010.) How do I get her curious enough to want to ask ME?
Anyone have any suggestions? Anyone have any ideas? Anyone dealt with anything even similar to this at all? I have been so isolated and separated from her. I still cry every single day at least once, because its hurts so bad. The night before she went on her 3 day excursion with her girl scout troop she clung to me so feircly that I couldn't even get up and go to the bathroom. How do you go from that to nothing? I still can not wrap my head around that one. I am beyond desparate. I just need my little girl back in my life. And don't get me wrong. I understand that I might have to start slow. I understand that she is probably very angry with me. Remember I grew up with very termulturous situations within my mothers household. But thats the thing I grew up in my mothers house. I know what she is like. I know what she is capable of. know the 3 faces of my mother. The very most important thing that I know is that I don't want my daughter growing up to find herself 40 or 45 years old and be conflicted with all the emotional problems that I have had to deal with.
Bottom line here: I need to find a path that will lead to an open communication between my daughter and myself.
Open to hear from anyone, anytime.