my daughter is turning 18 in a few months and wants to move out and has eplipsy (little twitches every once in a while) heart problems and anixety and sleeping disorder i am a very protective mother like all moms as well,.. and she wants to move in with her fiance. what can i do, can i even do anything since shes the legal age to make her own decisions? advice is appreciated

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/31/2013

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Do you expect her to still live with you once she is married and have the husband in a different home? I understand your concerns, but her fiance will be there to help her. Let go.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/31/2013

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Linda, please don't take this the wrong way, but I know plenty of functioning adults with epilepsy, anxiety, heart problems, and sleeping disorders! And, they actually function quite well!

I know that you think that you are the only one who can take care of her, help her, etc, but she's all grown now. She (if you've taught her how to handle this) can handle her med schedule on her own. She is more than capable of moving forward with her life.

So, what are your concerns? Are you concerned that she'll drop into a seizure, and you won't be there? Are you concerned that the anxiety will get the best of her? Concerned that her heart will give out?

Now, let me ask you this: Were you hoping that she'd always live at home with you, or did you have hopes and dreams for her to have a productive and long life, with a family of her own...?

The straight truth is that your daughter is an adult. So's my son, he's got multiple medical problems as well, and it terrifies me to think that he's technically "on his own". But, here's the kicker. I made sure that he was always involved in every medical decision, treatment, prescription, etc...mainly because I knew at some point, he would not want me to be in charge of that, nor of anything else in his life.

So, as hard as this is, I have to say...Linda, you gave her wings...now let her fly. I'm certain that you, being an awesome mom, have made sure that she's got the necessary skills to handle herself and her medical issues. Grab a box of tissues, and get ready for your "new" life as a regular adult again. It's not going to be easy, nor is it going to be pain free, but you have to let her go. Don't hold her back!

Now, if it will make you feel better, make sure that her fiancee knows how to handle ANY medical issue or emergency. Make sure that he understands her med schedule, and what each one does, what to watch for in case of reactions, etc...and maybe that will help with your feelings.

Good luck, Linda!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/31/2013

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I'm there with ya, gal! Mine's already 18, and so far he's content to stay at home (even though there are days when I wish he would move, just so I could reclaim some space LOL) And I am dreading the day when he and his buddies have enough saved back to support themselves in their own apartment. Actually, he's only living at home now so that he can save his paychecks and get that deposit ready for a place. The scary part is that my son has kidney issues that require not constant, but frequent medical care, one of the buddies he'll be house sharing with has a heart condition, and the other is epileptic...so they're your daughter all rolled into one! AND they're males...LOL...so I'm that much more anxious.

I figure that I'll be starting the "support for moms who's kids (with medical problems) have finally moved out" group within the next year, just so that I have other moms to comiserate with me!

Linda - posted on 01/31/2013

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thank you for the advice i really appreciate all your advice and help! thank you (:

Liz - posted on 01/31/2013

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Are you the same poster as Brianna Sanchez? The information in your posts is identical; it would be quite the coincidence, especially as you have the same last name!

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