my daughter is very mean

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 5 and has adhd and bipolar and I am considering that but nothing I do phases her.. she is very mean to me. She tells me what choices I have she is always screaming at me. She tells me she hates me or if I dont let her do something she snaps off saying no mommy your choice is to let me and if you do you hate me and she starts screaming.. no discipline works. She hits herself too or threating to hit her self or scratch herself. She throws things at me. Spankings dont work time outs dont work and taking her toys away dont work. She helps me pack them up with a smile on her face. She is seeing a adhd specialists and a behavioral specialist but nothing is working I dont know what to do.. she dont this way with her dad or anyone. If she sends the night with her grandmother or spends the day with my granny they all say sht is great with them. Yeah they have problems with her but she is usually good with them but when I come around to get her and as soon as she sees me its a 360 turn around. People try to help me and talking dont do any good nothing works. Me and her dad even had to take her out of school because she was so mean to the other kindergartens but that may have to do with the adhd and bipolar. I want to know why she is so mean to me and only me not other adults that family. I do everything for her I have cusodty of her and is always with me I do everything and nothin is ever good enough. I just need some advice its all hard to explain. She is just mean to me

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Raye - posted on 10/24/2014

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It seems strange, but kids often act out where they are the most comfortable, and against those they are closest to. My advice: Stop doing anything extra for her. Make sure her needs are met (food, shelter, clothing), and no matter what tantrums she throws don't give in to her. Just say that you love her but her fits will not work anymore, and leave the room. If she follows you screaming or whatever, tell you that you love her and wish that she would calm down, because there's nothing you can do for her while she acts like that. Then walk away again. If she says she hates you, tell her you're very sorry to hear that she has decided to hate you, because you love her and are not doing anything that should make her hate you, but if that's her choice then you can't help it. And walk away from her. If she throws things at you, don't even look at her, just pick them up and put them away. It will take the patience of a Saint, but you will get through to her that she can't do that. She will start searching for your approval and start behaving better, because that's the only time she will get your attention.

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Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014

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I do thank yall so much. This is hard and of course I have doubts cuz I have tried everything I could yall are right I just need to stick with what I have been doing. I thank yall im still trying and ill just keep working thats all I can do

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014

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For sure, sometimes you need another perspective to help straighten things out. You're doing the best you can, no one can fault you for that!

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014

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Thank you I try all thaf now. But im not going to give up. She means more to me than she will ever realize its just stressful and hurtful the way she is towards me

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2014

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I agree with Raye, she is awful to you because she knows you love her. The advice to not reward her negative behavior with ANY attention will be very hard, but will be effective. Don't be shocked if there is a flare up in her behavior before a calm down.
Also, you may consider making her room "injury proof" strip it down to nothing but a mattress on the floor. That way she has a place to go and have a tantrum and she can't hurt herself or break things.

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