My daughter (my youngest) just went away to college....

Valerie - posted on 09/20/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Okay so my daughter is away at college now (1hr 20 min) to be exact and she is struggling a bit being away although she wanted to be away from home. She just found out she did not get into her first choice sorority but actually one that was near the bottom of her list. This is brought up all kind of questions about being able to make friends, did she choose a school that was too big (that has crossed her mind a couple of times) and I am struggling to know what to say to her. She and I are very close and this is affecting me nearly as much as it is her. She doesnt want to talk about it to anyone but me or think about it herself. What do I do and what do I say? I was really hoping this parenting thing would get easier once she was in college but so far feels the same as when she was in high school.

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Ev - posted on 09/20/2016

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You are very welcome. I knew my daughter was ready for her adventure of going 250 plus miles away from home to school. The day she told me she was not sure she should go that far, I told her she was. I thought I was ready to go out into the world at 18 and I was not.

Valerie - posted on 09/20/2016

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Thanks Ev. I needed to hear that! Fortunately I did tell her that she needs to stick it out for the year and then decided if the school is going to fit. She has only been there 3 1/2 weeks! I know that this is normal and your right she has made the decision to be there so she needs to figure it out. I think I have figured out that I just need to be there to listen and support her but not necessarily advise her. She needs to make these decisions as difficult as she thinks they are. She is actually at a really good school and basically she really likes it, she is just putting way to much pressure on herself at this time. Thanks for the comment I really appreciate it.

Ev - posted on 09/20/2016

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First, she is a young adult not a high school kid anymore. She is18, I presume? She is going to have to learn about not getting everything she wants. She is going to have to learn to assimilate into a whole new world outside of home. She is also going to have to learn that she is not going to meet the expectations of everyone in all things such as sororities or clubs or organizations in college. She needs to think of college as a sort of town atmosphere besides being a school.
Second, going off to college away from home is expected. Most require the freshman to live in dorms on campus the first year or two unless the students live at home. Why is she thinking this school was no the best choice? Did it have the program she wanted to get her degree in? If so, then she most likely is at the right school.
Third, your job as a mom now is support. Your job of actual raising is over. Your should encourage her to stick out the year at least and revisit the idea of changing schools at the end of the year instead of now because it would be hard to come into a college a few weeks or so into the semester. Most schools are going to be soon going to mid-semester tests.
Life is full of changes not only for our kids but us as well.
She needs to get used to changes good or bad.
She made these choices and she now has to learn to live by them and through them.

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