my daughter out of the blue moved out in the middle of the night with a friend whom her father & I do not like from prior bad experiences when they where teenagers. My daughter just turned 21, now she avoids us, we dont no where she lives (address), she does call at times or e-mails. however it is always a fight or I end up crying her father just ignorns that shes gone. How can we go from a loving close relationship to agruements, anger and hate. She said she wants indepence however we found out that she is living with her friends parents paying rent we charged her nothing, only asked her to let us no where she was and when she was coming home, she changed into a complete different person, has no or little contact with anyone in our family, always makes me cry when we do talk says horrible things to me, its iike she is a stranger we dont no. how do I get over this....

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Jodi - posted on 03/27/2013

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And I was asking a question to try and understand the whole situation.

Maybe you need to stop asking her why and just let it go. Maybe the reason she moved is that wants independence and you weren't giving that to her. Maybe the reason she has little or no contact is because you end up in fights over her choice? I am assuming that is what the fights and the crying is about? I'd say that if you let her know that you understand it is her choice, and you have decided to accept that, she may be more likely to stay in contact. She wants to be treated like an adult, but fighting and crying over her choice to move out is not treating her like an adult.

You said she says horrible things to you when you talk - what horrible things is she saying that are making you cry? i am only making some assumptions here - a bit more information would be helpful.

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Robin - posted on 03/27/2013

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I am telling you the whole story.. She met up with her old girlfriend, starting acting different, I have asked her a million times why?? She keeps saying its nothing we did as parents. I also know I have no say in whom she is friends with anymore. I join this blog to try to understand and how to deal with this situation, not to be told I am not telling the whole story.

Jodi - posted on 03/26/2013

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She's 21. This is her choice. She is an adult. It doesn't matter if you like her friends or not, that's actually not really any of your business any more.

For a 21 year old to take off in the night like that, there is something you aren't telling us. There has to be a reason she is unhappy with you. People don't just move out in the middle of the night. Something triggered the behaviour. What was it?

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