My daughter prefers her Stepmom & dad over me. Help!

Parker - posted on 12/27/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello,
Seeking some help. I am a bio and a step. My bio daughter's father and I have always been friendly and I am friendly with his new wife. I love that my daughter is loved BUT now she doesn't even want me. She doesn't think about me or miss me or tell me she loves me. She actually questioned why she has to be with me and she wishes she was always with daddy. She's 7 and didn't say it out of spite, it was just a casual conversation. When her dad and SM are around she totally ignores me and doesn't even notice I'm there. Shes always been a daddy's girl. Her new step mom has been in her life for the last 2 years only. Ive don everything I can think of with her, with everything and spend so much time doing things with her that she likes and wants to do. Crafts, adventures, coloring, TRY to snuggle, I watch her shows; she seems to never want to do anything with me. Just don't know what I am doing wrong. When she is with me shes CONSTANTLY talking about her dad and SM and how much she misses them. I always let her call them and he takes her on my Sundays for a couple hours because I just want her happy, even if it means giving up some of my time. I ask if she talks about me as much and she says no I don't miss you. She doesn't call me or anything on her dads weekends she says because she doesn't even think of me. I don't even know what to do anymore. When she sees her SM and dad she takes off running and hugs all over them and tells them how much she missed them. Last night she wouldn't even say bye to me.Shes not jealous of my Stepdaughter and I, my stepdaughter (whom Ive known for only 4 years) barely even talks to me really (shes 12). My husband is great with my bio daughter too. He has tried to do fun things with her and she just says she misses her dad and SM. They are about to have another baby and I thought that would make her want to be with me more but now its making her want to be over there even more. I promise I'm a great mom, just don't know whats left that I can do. And yes I have tried talking to her and she just says "I don't know, I just miss daddy. I just do." ...email jennparker2@gmail if you have any advice or book

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Parker - posted on 12/27/2014

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That's cute you were called a bonus mom.

My ex and I live 10 minutes apart (on purpose) because we keep it very equal between both houses. Ive always been proud of how well we have been able to co-parent. She alternates daily between homes. Has for 6 out of 7 years of her life. Shes very well adjusted to that schedule and it works well with school. Her school is directly between both our homes and she has the same bus stop every single day since her very first day of school. Her dad and I have worked hard to keep her on an equal and consistent schedule. I guess that may be why it hurts so much. Shes even asked why do I get her more than daddy. Ive told her since day 1 its been exactly equal. I get Mondays and Wednesdays and he has her Tuesdays and Thursdays and we alternate weekends which are Fri-Sun.

I know this isn't an uncommon thing. I just don't know how to fix it.

Mommabird - posted on 12/27/2014

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Im sure thats hard to wrap your head around...how a child can show more affection to a step parent than you, her bio mother. Im a Mom to 3 and a stepmom to 3. Although I dont think of myself as a stepmom. We have 15 mth old twin girls and I am their bonus mom(quoted by their bio mom) and there are times when she drops them off that they come hug on us and ignore her requests for a goodbye hug and kiss. But there are also times when we're dropping them off with her and they are smiling with arms open to see her. I think they've adjusted to both homes very well but we also have them equal time pretty much. That helps I think. If they see both parents equally they dont have anxiety of missing them as much. We get them Wed-Fri one week and Fri-Sun the next, and so on. We even share all major holidays. I dont know if that would make a difference with your daughter but it might. Do ya'll live close to one another, same town or close enough to her school where she can still go no matter which parent shes with?

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