My daughter refuses to sit at the peanut free table and falsely accuses me of abuse?

Colleen - posted on 09/16/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom. My daughter, who turned 8 this June, has severe anaphylactic peanut allergies. In March, we have been trying over a month to get her to sit at the peanut free table provided by the school. She absolutely refused. When they put her back there she ran back out to the peanuts. I have went to the school and put her back there every time she tried to sit somewhere. We have tried getting someone to sit with her at the table but she still refuses. I tried finding out why she doesn't want to sit there and she just tantrumed and scratched me. I tried rewards and consequences. They tried getting her to eat at the office and she fights them off physically and runs to the cafeteria.

I was told to homeschool her with this kind of behavior. So I did for 3 months and for the entire school year, she refused to learn. I got her a homeschooling tutor (teacher). She was kicking and screaming for two months of homeschooling and hurt me and the tutor. As a result, As her tantrums and violence progressed, privilege confiscation progressed. It got to the point where she has nothing but a mattress, blanket pillow and just a few clothes and no privileges. During homeschooling months, she was being tested for ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) we saw for different psychiatrists who said she did not have ODD. She was also like this for the entire summer saying she will do this until she goes back to school.

We have been seeing a psychologist during the summer to talk with her. While talking to the psychologist by herself, she falsely accused me of abuse. The psychologist did what she was required to do, call CPS. My daughter was taken from me and put in foster care. I don't have any visitation with her. One reason is because she tantrums about visitation and refuses to go. They do not force her. She says she hates me and doesn't want to come back to live with me. She has been in school over a month and sits where she wants.

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Cecilia - posted on 09/17/2013

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That is pretty much correct Jodi. Majority wins. It's hard to get them to change their way of doing things. I would guess the school she goes to now is not yet peanut free either which is why I said what I did. She could be in trouble which scares me.

Jodi - posted on 09/17/2013

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From what I gather, in the US it appears to be all about the rights of the majority. I have been in debates before about peanut allergies and school, and the attitudes can sometimes leave a lot to be desired. In Australia, all schools are pretty much nut free. Heck, my school is even latex free (balloons, gloves, etc) because we have a student with a sever allergy.

Cecilia - posted on 09/17/2013

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I do agree the entire school should be peanut free. Even if she sits else where during lunch, she can have issues when she goes back to the classroom. Sometimes it takes time to get a school to change policies.

Jodi - posted on 09/17/2013

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Personally, I am disgusted that they segregate children with peanut allergies. Nothing like making a child feel excluded. But then, where I live, schools just go nut free. Suggesting that she either be segregated against her wishes or homeschooled is discrimination at its best. I'm sorry you have to put up with such backward policies in your school so that not every child can have the right to a safe and proper education due to things entirely out of their control.

Cecilia - posted on 09/16/2013

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Wow. That's really all I can think of right now. I really don't know what to tell you in the way of advice.

It bothers me that the system trying to "protect" her is putting her in harms way. I'm sure you're hurt by the whole process you've been through. I hope things get better for you soon.

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