My daughter's behavior has become out of control

Tammy - posted on 10/25/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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We have had behavior issues with my daughter since pre-school. She has been diagnosed with ADHD since kindergarten and recently was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Her behavior issues started with lying and doing things behind our back and have escalated in the last 2 years to sneaking our and leaving our house now 5 times (first two times she was gone for a few hours and the last 2 times she was gone overnight), using my husband's credit card to charge over $700 in electronics, and constantly lying to get what she wants. It is so confusing because she is so loving when she is around us and she's never "in your face" about any of these things - it's all behind our backs. She's also having unprotected sex with multiple partners and has started smoking pot about a year ago. Nothing we have done has helped - we have grounded her, taken away things, not let her do things she really wanted to do - but I think she has just become used to all the punishments. Honestly the punishments we've used never have seemed to work, but we are not going to stop punishing her or give in. We've tried counseling, various (pretty much all) ADHD medicines. We have switched her school the last two years. The first time it was because she was basically expelled for a social media communication between her and another girl. Last year it was because of several factors (mostly environment increased her bad behaviors). Earlier this week my husband and I found out that she had been suspended from school for 4 days for excessive tardies but she had not told us and was pretending to go to school but was being picked up there and doing other things. This morning my husband and I woke up and she was gone (now for the 5th time) and she has yet to come home. We love our daughter so much and want to do what's best for her. I just wish I knew what that was. Any help is appreciated.

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Ev - posted on 10/25/2015

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You are welcome. It is hard to deal with teens without extra issues beyond the normal ones. I have a son who is no 18+. He had learning issues from the get go. But we never had the issues you described other than his anger which to this day I still have to help with. You need to tell her that enough is enough and that you and dad are going to find something to help her and she has no choice in the matter. Tell her it is not punishment but you want her to understand her actions, why they are determental to her and others, and what her life might be like because of those things if she keeps on. I know she won't want to listen to this but start by telling her this and then go from there.

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Ev - posted on 10/25/2015

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You are welcome. It is hard to deal with teens without extra issues beyond the normal ones. I have a son who is no 18+. He had learning issues from the get go. But we never had the issues you described other than his anger which to this day I still have to help with. You need to tell her that enough is enough and that you and dad are going to find something to help her and she has no choice in the matter. Tell her it is not punishment but you want her to understand her actions, why they are determental to her and others, and what her life might be like because of those things if she keeps on. I know she won't want to listen to this but start by telling her this and then go from there.

Tammy - posted on 10/25/2015

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She has seen 4 psychologists and has had one consistent psychiatrist since 2007. I am hoping through this forum to find something different than we have tried which has been grounding, taking away everything, not letting her do things she wants to do. I agree that we have to try something different and I'm hoping to hear from other parents that have gone through this what may have worked well for them. I will check into family services as that is not something I've done yet. I will not believe that it is too late for her. She has had issues her whole life, but the major issues have started in 2015. Thank you for your advice.

Ev - posted on 10/25/2015

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I understand this is frustrating and worrying. But I do not think you have tried everything as far as counseling is concerned. How many counselors has she had since she was diagnosed with this? And the consequences, did they fit the issues at hand? You might think you have tried all of it but maybe its time to find some alternates and other resources. Have you tried the family services in your area? They do more than take kids out of bad situations. They are also there to help you with your kids with issues such as this or they can send you to the places that can. It has gone on so long that it sounds like its almost too late.

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