My daughter's father committed suicide! When and how or should I ever tell her the truth?

Alli - posted on 10/10/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )




I have a 9 yr old girl who's father committed suicide when she was 3 months old. He had alot of problems; he was bipolar, he had mild schizophrenia, he was a drug addict, and was physically abusive to me. I always thought I could help him; he had had a terrible childhood and had grown up with domestic violence as a norm in his household. He had a little Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hide thing going on, so when he was not going through one of his psychotic episodes he was the kindest, most gentle, and caring person; but then when he was having an episode, you could look into his eyes and it was like looking into emptiness. I am scaried for my daughter in many ways: one being that she may have the same problems psychologically as he did, and two that she will some day ask more questions about how he past away! She has already asked, in the past how did daddy die? I have always told her that daddy was sick in his mind and sometimes when you get sick in your mind your body can't handle it and you pass away and go up to heaven. I wanted to tell her something that would be as close to the truth as possible, so that in the future if I told her what really happen, it wouldn't be completely different and be not so much of a shock to her. My question is I don't know what to do if that day comes and she asks for more info on what happen, why it happen, and so forth. Should I tell her? When is she old enough to handle such a terrible story, because if she asks when she is a teenager, they are very emoyional as it is I don't want that to make everything worse, or put ideas in her head that that is the way you deal with things when life gets too tough! What if she blames herself, or me? I really don't want to tell her he was abusive to me, but I also want to warn her against this kind of relationship and let her know I know from experience. I was actually there when he took his life, we had had a big fight and I was trying to leave before things escalated out of control, I went to check on him and found him in the basement, he had hung himself. I called 911, and tried to give him CPR till the EMTs came but I hadn;t taken the CPR course in like 7 yrs at the time and I for along time blamed myself for not knowing and doing it correctly! Though I'm afraid if he were still here things may have been worse, because he may have brought the erratic and violent behavior around her and it would be harder on my daughter. I also know that girls that grow up without fathers usually constantly yearn and search for male attention and I don't want her to get involved with all these guys when she's too young, or guys that are just going to take advantage of her, just becausse she is looking for male attention. Please any advise would be much appreciated!!!

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